bm

aerinpegadrak · August 2010

I'm sure she's aware that stepping down is an option, and there's really no way to bring it up without making her feel like you want her out. Do you have to get the dress from a salon? Maybe you can help her track down a used dress in the same style in her size on eBay or Craigslist. Maybe there's a mutual friend who'd be willing to front her the money for the deposit.

Don't listen to pressure from the salon, they tell all brides that they have to order OMGRIGHTNOW or the dress will get discontinued, and it very, very rarely actually happens. Even if it does, I'm sure you could find something else that's close enough, if what's really important to you is having her up there with you and not the way the pictures look. And when she says that you'd be forcing her to choose between buying the dress and eating, please believe her, and don't make her feel bad about that. I've been in that position, and it sucks.

stina93446 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_broke-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:dd348867-50e4-43b1-9aea-0e86b214c201Post:5396fc2c-483e-41ff-81fc-4f9be625c95d">Broke BM</a>:
[QUOTE]My BM dresses were supposed to have been ordered last friday and everyone knew for two months that it was coming up and I have a BM that has yet to purchase the dress. When I bring it up she says that she is going to do it that day but doesn't. Today I talked to her and she came at me with a list of expenses that she has that makes it impossible for her to get the dress now. She told me that after payiing for the dress and rent and another bill she has she wont have any money left for food. Before I chose the dress I had extensive conversations with every girl about their comfort zone regarding the price of the dress and their ability to afford the costs associated with standing up in my wedding. I don't want to be a burden to any of my friends, and I reallly don't want my wedding to be a source of stress for anybody, least of all one of my best friends. I really need to have the dresses ordered before the end of August because the Salon told me the dress could very well go out of style in September. I want to be able to help her but I just moved to California and I literally don't have any money to help her with. I feel like I need to talk to her about whether my wedding is too much of a burden for her and if I could include her in my wedding in a way that will be less costly to her.... but I don't know how to bring it up and I don't want to make her feel like I don't want her in my wedding because I do. I have been tearing myself apart over this for the last week and just don't know what to do.
Posted by jenferlizbeth[/QUOTE]

<div>Your wedding isn't for an entire year! Do NOT order the dresses this early. The salon is trying to get all the sales. Styles do change, and USUALLY for the better. Please wait on this.</div><div>
</div><div>As for your friend, you have a couple of options. You can:</div><div>
</div><div>1. Pay for the dress or some of it to ease her costs.</div><div>2. Pick another dress that she can now afford.</div><div>3. Let her wear something from her closet already.</div><div>
</div><div>If you choose none of these the only other option is for her to not be in the wedding. She'll show up on the day of without the dress and she will have removed herself from the party. However, I believe that she truly WANTS to be in your wedding so I'd try to make one of those 3 options work.</div>

jaimed99 · August 2010

You may have spoken to her before about her financial comfort zone, but it's possible that something has changed in the meantime...has she lost a job? Has something else happened in her life that may be causing a strain on her finances?

The long and short of it is, you have four options:

1-Find a way to help her out and buy her dress.

2-Let her find another dress in the same color and style at a price that she is more comfy with.

3-Let her decide to bow out on her own...if she feels that she can't afford the dress, then be happy to have her as a guest.

4-Kick her out...but this is a pretty crappy option, IMHO. It makes you look shallow and will not make a good impression on anyone.

jagore08 · August 2010

Your wedding is a year away. There is no need for any of your BM to be ordering their dresses right now and you shouldn't be getting upset because your friend has other bills to take care of before your wedding... that's a year away. If you think they're going to be discontinued (which is something a lot of salons say to get you to order now, BTW) then purchase it for her and have her pay you back. Talk to her and see if that 's something she's willing to do.

saxy414 · August 2010

Ditto to the PPs. And please don't delete---you had a very common question, and when you delete you make it so other people who have the same question may not get their answers. Also, it's seen as pretty rude to the posters who have taken the time to give you a well-thought out answer.

It sounds like your heart is in the right place, but there are better options to resolve the sitiuation you have. The other girls have given you great thoughts.

jagore08 · August 2010

jenferlizbeth- for future record, once you've been quoted deleting makes you look childish.

emilyinchile · August 2010

OP, deleting that post was ridiculous.

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