My fiance and I got engaged on December 17 of this year, and I've been so excited by the prospect of planning an event that not only joins us as partners in life, but also joins our families. However, my mother seems hell-bent on making me miserable over it (Note: No, we did not have a great relationship with my mother prior to our engagement. She loves my fiance, but has a great deal of resentment for me and my FIL's)
My fiance and I have been trying to bang out some of the basic details (a date that works for all major family members, ceremony and reception venues- not little details, just the major things), so we won't have to rush around last minute. We've had a unique struggle with our date as we wanted May 17 (very significant to us), but both of us have sisters graduating high school in May of 2012 as well. Furthermore, my FSIL's school refuses to commit to a week in May. So rather than upset our families (because graduations are a one time thing too) I volunteered to change our date to the 3rd of March to avoid all the date conflicts in May (and my sister is in a student exchange in April, so that was out too).
I called my mother yesterday to ask if she had any last minute guest list additions and to let her know we were considering changing the date to accomodate for everyone. She then launched in to a half hour rant about how I'm "retarded" for changing the date, that I'm caving to everyone, that my trying to save money (on a wedding we're paying for!) is awful, that I'm making horrible decisions trying to make other people happy, and that if my grandfather was still alive he would embarassed by me, etc. Rather than get mad I took it in stride and let her rant and hoped she'd calm down, but she didn't. Finally she tells me, "The wedding is ALL about the Bride. Nobody else. It's not supposed to matter what all these other people want! You're supposed to have everything you want! BLAH! BLAH! BLAH!"
I told her I disagreed and that it's supposed to be about us as a couple and about our families, and she told me that I was being stupid. And why should I care if we spend 18,000 on one day? Maybe because I'm paying for it!!!
In the end the thing that pissed me off the most was that she was telling me that I shouldn't accomodate anyone because they didn't matter...you know, except for her. Then she calls a venue today we're going to see next week to complain about their policy on serving alcohol (we wanted a dry reception because my mother's boyfriend is a raging drunk), after I'd already spoken to them because she wants to bring in liquor. Then she proceeded to criticize me for being unwilling to do a religious marriage prep course (I'm decidedly atheist) in the United Church. Then she told me that May is a disgusting month to get married in. And marrying on a weekday to save money is horrendous. And why can't we get married in September (my FBIL killed himself in September of 2010)? Or in 2013? Better yet 2014!
Am I being awful being annoyed with her, or is she being as much of a pain as I feel like she is? My fiance wants to cut all ties with her because she's like this about everything- but you can't choose your family! I just don't know how to deal with her, I've tried being patient but I'm sick of being told how stupid I'm being.
Rant over.
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