Destination Brides Are you having bridal showers?

2bewed06 · June 2010

Hello ladies I am in need of some advice I am a Matron of Honor in My FSIL destination wedding. a lot of friends and family were offended by the brides and grooms choice to go to Jamaica for their small intimate wedding. I am trying to plan a bridal shower for the bride and I am wondering do I invite family members and friends even though they are not attending the wedding? I don't want to further offend anyone. Her mother is hosting a reception after the wedding for those who can't attend the wedding.
I am posting this question here because many of the other knoties flat out say no, but a destination wedding is a unique situation, and wanted to know what other destination brides are doing?

chosen175 · June 2010

I was told I'm not getting a shower because it's impolite to invite people to a shower if they're not invited to the actual ceremony. And considering we're only inviting our parents, the person throwing the shower said it "wasn't worth the time and effort" to throw me a shower. Gee, thanks. FWIW, we ARE having a celebration at home when we get back and plan on inviting the entire family.

When my friends heard I wasn't having a shower, they said it's a bunch of B.S. and said if nobody plans one for me, they will, because they believe every bride deserves a shower, regardless of of whether their family approves of their wedding plans or not. And they said that inviting people to the celebration at home still means they're being invited. So who knows?

Most brides on this board DO have a shower, however. And those who consider it a huge no-no will just decline the invite.

Catalina Island Bound · June 2010

We did have a shower. One of our really good friends hosted it for us and invited everyone who was invited to the DW whether or not they were cruising with us or not.

I think just because you're having DW doesn't mean you don't get to have one, but in some people's eyes they think it's not right. I don't think there is any one right or wrong answer. It just depends on your circle of friends and family.

We too, are having an AHR (or two) after our wedding. Our 2nd one is coming up here in a few weeks. I don't think there's anything wrong with that at all. We're celebrating with friends and family members who weren't able to attend the DW.

angybanez · June 2010

My sister is inviting anyone invited to the DW to the shower. The same for the AHR. We basically invited everyone we'd normally invite to a local wedding. I understand some people may not like the destination wedding idea, but if you plan a shower and not invite them, then they'll also have misgivings about that. You can't really win with these types of personality so with that in mind, we decided not to exclude anyone to the destination wedding and my sister will not exclude anyone we already know who's not going. If they do not come then that's up to them. You can word the invite letting them know that family and friends are important to the bride and their love and support will always be welcomed.

Beth0413 · June 2010

My sister (MOH) is throwing me one. It will be small for close friends & family - however I am only inviting people who I am sending an invite for the DW (regardless if they can attend or not).

akhunter1 · June 2010

I think it was a really good idea to come onto this board and ask this question. I am having a shower, and I get the sense that most of the women on this board do too. If the bride wants a shower I don't see any problem inviting close friends and family, but I wouldn't extend the invite to people that the couple isn't close with like work aquaintances.

caymans_christy · June 2010

I had one... but I made sure that I only invited people that were invited to the actual wedding. Whether those people chose to attend the wedding... was their choice. Etiquette-wise, you are fine - so long as you only invite people that are invited to the wedding itself. People can decline either or both invitations.

hibiscus118 · June 2010

I had a shower, my MOH's and my mom threw it. They invited only people who were invited to the wedding, and there were about 20 people there.

nubiannqween · June 2010

My sisters are throwing me a shower. They invited our female family members and my close girlfriends. Only my FI's mom and daughters were invited from his side. With just those people, we are looking at about 30 people coming.

Not everyone who got invited to the DW wedding got invited to the shower, because we invited everyone to the DW wedding that we would have invited if we had a wedding here at home...and that was a pretty large number.

KristenCR · June 2010

I think the general rule is the same as a traditional wedding, it's not polite to invite people not invited to the wedding, if invitations have been sent out for an AHR, you can include that group as well. Destinations weddings are a grey area in ettiquette, so I like to think you you have more bend with the rules. Good luck!

funjen79 · June 2010

I have also been wondering about this! We are going to Bora Bora alone to get married, no family or friends. When we return we are going to be having a ceremony at our church to have our marriage blessed. The church ceremony will then be followed by a reception. What are your thoughts on having a shower in this situation?

suzannepdc · June 2010

funjen - I think you are fine to have a shower - as long as you only invite people that are invited to the chuch ceremony/reception. I did not have a shower due to logistical reasons, but would have invited woman invited to the AHR - since we only invited immediate family to the actual wedding.

2bewed06 · June 2010

Thank you ladies for your imput....

drm6285 · June 2010

I did not particularly want a shower, but my FMIL and mom decided to plan one anyways (it was wonderful, btw). But I can't stand these 1950's people who get their panties in a bunch over a couple choosing to have a DW- just don't go if you don't want too (ok, mini vent over, sorry).
I think a shower is completely appropriate. If your FSIL was having a traditional wedding, all ladies invited to the wedding would typically be invited to the shower (and if for some reason one of those guest couldn't make the wedding, it wouldn't necessarily mean they would miss the shower, correct? Case in point, just because the guests aren't going to the wedding doesn't mean they can't go to the shower)
So I hope her friends and family that were offended by their choice get over it and choose to participate in the activities they can! Good luck!

Beth0413 · June 2010

Well said, Danielle

jessi_428 · August 2010

Some friends from work are throwing me one and my maid of honor is throwing me one. Some may disapprove, but I guess it is what it is. Like someone else mentioned, you just can't please some personality types. I'm still trying to grasp why some people get so offended by what you want to do with your wedding.

Destination Brides Are you having bridal showers?

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