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Wedding Etiquette Forum
JmeLee2011
member
Help! How to not invite children?? without seeming rude.
My sister's wedding was child free,(I really want mine to be child free also) only flower girl and ring barer, then if you had like teenagers its okay, but we didn't want babies and toddlers running around the dance floor because we have seen too many peoples receptions be ruined by young children. It caused some drama with my cousin who had just had a baby and was breastfeeding, but she was also pumping for when she was working and such, so we know pumping was an option. All this drama came out and she skipped the wedding but came to the reception for 20 minutes. Whatever, we were in her wedding party. We had so much fun and didn't miss her any. BUT the grooms sister didn't listen to the no babies rule, this baby started screaming during my sisters ceremony, her sister in law just ignored it and acted like it wasn't happening, when everyone knows she should have picked her up and carried her out during her screaming fit, just to the back of the church or out in the hall until she quieted down. At least thats what everyone told my sister that her sister in law should have done that because non of the guest on that side could even hear the wedding, just sad.
ANY WHO, lol, this is what I'm trying to avoid. I do not want children taking over our wedding, we are serving adult beverages and having a band. I really just don't think its anywhere a kid should be hanging out until the we-hours of the night. We will have a flower girl who is 8 and my two little nephews as ring barres. That is it as far as kids go and they are both family so they are going to be taken to their babysitters after we cut the cake. lol This is only such a huge issue for me and a touchy subject because i do love children & if it wasn't for all the nightmare stories and experiences I have had, they'd be invited. BUT my real question is how do I invite people without inviting babies or children?? I don't want a lot of people put off and I'm hoping my cousin understands now and that whole family drama doesn't happen again. "Adults only is fairly common right?"
thanks for the advice in advance. I just don't know how to go about it. I'm sure there must be a easy way, I just hate offending people, because I do love their kids, just not at my wedding.
ANY WHO, lol, this is what I'm trying to avoid. I do not want children taking over our wedding, we are serving adult beverages and having a band. I really just don't think its anywhere a kid should be hanging out until the we-hours of the night. We will have a flower girl who is 8 and my two little nephews as ring barres. That is it as far as kids go and they are both family so they are going to be taken to their babysitters after we cut the cake. lol This is only such a huge issue for me and a touchy subject because i do love children & if it wasn't for all the nightmare stories and experiences I have had, they'd be invited. BUT my real question is how do I invite people without inviting babies or children?? I don't want a lot of people put off and I'm hoping my cousin understands now and that whole family drama doesn't happen again. "Adults only is fairly common right?"
thanks for the advice in advance. I just don't know how to go about it. I'm sure there must be a easy way, I just hate offending people, because I do love their kids, just not at my wedding.
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Re: Help! How to not invite children?? without seeming rude.
You will get people whoi are upset, but it is still up to them whether or not they attend.
But - and this is just me and one of my little quirks - I'd be hesitant to say that "due to....". Loads of people do so and it's of course fine, but I feel that giving space/financial reasons could open yourself up to an invitee trying to negotiate those points: "But it's just two kids, they'll barely need seats", "They won't eat very much", "We'll pay for their places", etc. Just something to consider, although I think most people will hear "due to" and realize that they can't negotiate them.
[QUOTE]My sister's wedding was child free,(I really want mine to be child free also) only flower girl and ring barer, then if you had like teenagers its okay, but we didn't want babies and toddlers running around the dance floor because we have seen too many peoples receptions be ruined by young children. It caused some drama with my cousin who had just had a baby and was breastfeeding, but she was also pumping for when she was working and such, so we know pumping was an option. All this drama came out and she skipped the wedding but came to the reception for 20 minutes. Whatever, we were in her wedding party. We had so much fun and didn't miss her any. BUT the grooms sister didn't listen to the no babies rule, this baby started screaming during my sisters ceremony, her sister in law just ignored it and acted like it wasn't happening, when everyone knows she should have picked her up and carried her out during her screaming fit, just to the back of the church or out in the hall until she quieted down. At least thats what everyone told my sister that her sister in law should have done that because non of the guest on that side could even hear the wedding, just sad. ANY WHO, lol, this is what I'm trying to avoid. I do not want children taking over our wedding, we are serving adult beverages and having a band. I really just don't think its anywhere a kid should be hanging out until the we-hours of the night. We will have a flower girl who is 8 and my two little nephews as ring barres. That is it as far as kids go and they are both family so they are going to be taken to their babysitters after we cut the cake. lol This is only such a huge issue for me and a touchy subject because i do love children & if it wasn't for all the nightmare stories and experiences I have had, they'd be invited. BUT my real question is how do I invite people without inviting babies or children?? I don't want a lot of people put off and I'm hoping my cousin understands now and that whole family drama doesn't happen again. "Adults only is fairly common right?" thanks for the advice in advance. I just don't know how to go about it. I'm sure there must be a easy way, I just hate offending people, because I do love their kids, just not at my wedding.
Posted by JmeLee2011[/QUOTE]
Well, the baby wasn't the problem at your sister's wedding. It was the groom's sister for not being smart enough to take the baby out while crying.
Agree with others about addressing. "Adults only" is rude.
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
You can definitely have an adults only wedding by just addressing the invitation to the adults you're inviting. Don't mention who you are excluding.
And please don't say that it's an evening wedding or because you'll be serving alcohol that you don't want babies and kids there. I'd roll my eyes at lines like that. I was around booze from birth and knew well enough not to drink the beverages of adults.
Just be prepared that some people will have to decline. Chiquitabanana is due 3 months from yesterday (EEK!) and depending on how far away a wedding is from us, I may not be able to pump enough to keep him or her fed while away from us.
And if we can make it without the tiny one, please at least be accommodating to the nursing moms who need a space to pump. Not pumping is like telling your guests not to use the bathroom. Eventually you'll leak.
I'd probably roll my eyes if you think a nursing infant will make or break your ceremony when the child doesn't even require a meal but I would come up with a plan the best DH and I could. And I would totally respect your decision to have the adult wedding without question as long as you didn't say, "But there will be booze there!"
40/112
And as far as the grooms sister goes, we all kept waiting thinking "okay any second she is going to walk out", then never did. lol
I'll be sure not to add excuses. I have my reasons why I don't want babies/young children there, but I will just address to the people invited on the envelope.
"And if we can make it without the tiny one, please at least be accommodating to the nursing moms who need a space to pump. Not pumping is like telling your guests not to use the bathroom. Eventually you'll leak." Banana468
Our cousin was just upset because her children were not invited. (she is always like that, any chance to put the family in drama-fest lol) They had over 350 people at the wedding, most had babies/young children and she was the only person out of all of them that had a problem with it. We were going to tell her she could bring her kids just to stop the family drama but if other people would have showed up without kids, then saw her kids it would have been a messy situation. So they decided they couldn't bend the rules for anyone or they would have to do it for everyone. I didn't word that all the way in the first post, but we never said she couldn't pump. We were trying everything we could to accommodate for her but she wasn't having it. Just wanted to clarify that.
if anyone's gonna be upset about it, that's their problem.
When it comes to the response cards, I'd write them out rather than state the # of seats reserved. Reason being - people may think it's OK to substitute a child if a parent can't attend. By writing out the response cards so that the guest just checks __accepts or __declines next to his name, you've eliminated the possibility of any "write in guests".
[QUOTE]When it comes to the response cards, I'd write them out rather than state the # of seats reserved. Reason being - people may think it's OK to substitute a child if a parent can't attend. By writing out the response cards so that the guest just checks __accepts or __declines next to his name, you've eliminated the possibility of any "write in guests".
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]
this is excellent advice.
"We've reserved 2 seats for you to attend our special day"
__We're Coming
__We won't be able to attend
I'm not exactaly sure of the exact wording, but I really liked this idea!