Military Brides
Enlistment...
So we were going to get married in June of 2011 but I enlisted in the AF. I've just sworn in to the delayed deployment and he's trying so hard to be happy for me.
We bumped our wedding up to January and now it's only 29 days away. Everything is coming together for it but it isn't exactly what he wanted. I know he's just happy to marry me but I can't help but feel like I've put a kink in his dream for how he wanted to go about this. He was married once before and they did a fast back yard wedding because she had just enlisted when they met and he thought she was the one. (She was already enlisted when they met) so they had to make it snappy. It was a huuuuuge mistake for him and she was terrible. So this time around he took his time. I wasn't in a rush. I waited for us to be established and sure then accepted his random spur of the moment popping of the question with a hysterically happy yes lol but our idea of the perfect wedding was... very different... and unusual.... I said "Ok lets elope!" and he said... "Uh... no. There is this lovely Catholic church my family used to go to regularly and then this hotel here is really nice for the reception"... I don't like being the center of attention and I'm not into the idea of a huge wedding. We settled on 100 people ceremony and reception in the same place at our local Elks Lodge... is that unfair of me?
I know he wanted the works but I'm leaving anywhere between feb and june and I wanted to have a nice little wedding before I go with my family and a few choice friends. Did I do wrong by him by making him meet me at that level? Should I have given him the big wedding he wanted to make up for his last one?
I really just want to make sure I'm not selling him short...
We bumped our wedding up to January and now it's only 29 days away. Everything is coming together for it but it isn't exactly what he wanted. I know he's just happy to marry me but I can't help but feel like I've put a kink in his dream for how he wanted to go about this. He was married once before and they did a fast back yard wedding because she had just enlisted when they met and he thought she was the one. (She was already enlisted when they met) so they had to make it snappy. It was a huuuuuge mistake for him and she was terrible. So this time around he took his time. I wasn't in a rush. I waited for us to be established and sure then accepted his random spur of the moment popping of the question with a hysterically happy yes lol but our idea of the perfect wedding was... very different... and unusual.... I said "Ok lets elope!" and he said... "Uh... no. There is this lovely Catholic church my family used to go to regularly and then this hotel here is really nice for the reception"... I don't like being the center of attention and I'm not into the idea of a huge wedding. We settled on 100 people ceremony and reception in the same place at our local Elks Lodge... is that unfair of me?
I know he wanted the works but I'm leaving anywhere between feb and june and I wanted to have a nice little wedding before I go with my family and a few choice friends. Did I do wrong by him by making him meet me at that level? Should I have given him the big wedding he wanted to make up for his last one?
I really just want to make sure I'm not selling him short...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Enlistment...
IMO I think it's a little too late to be thinking about this now... We don't know you or you're FI. You are both 2 consenting adults and if the wedding you want its the wedding you want. Perhaps having a deeper decision with FI is what is in order here. Make sure he is okay with it and that neither of you will have regrets later on.
HTH
I will bring up one thing, and I don't mean to be rude or mean, but I just wanted to point out that trying to start your marriage right before starting your career in the military is a really big undertaking. Once you leave for training, you will have zero time to focus on your new marriage, and that can be really hard for both you and your fiance, I'm sure he knows this from his previous marriage. My fiance will have been in for 7 years when we get married and I'll have been in for two, and it's still a whirlwind for us. I'd suggest perhaps waiting until after things stablize (relatively, at least) with your Air Force career before you decide to get married. I think others on this board will have input on that as well. Ultimately it is your life and your relationship, but I do think this is something you should think about.
I thought about that but we're coming up on our fourth year ann. and we've been living together for almost three now. I know our relationship is great and we already combined our bills about two years ago. I think for the most part the relationship shouldn't change substantially. Am I wrong? I've never been married before. I just turned 22 years old so I'm far from all knowing...
Congratulations on your enlistment and your wedding, this is a very exciting time for you!
Is it possible for you to wait until after BMT and Tech School to get married, that way neither of you feel rushed and you'll have more time to compromise on the wedding you both want.
My H went through AF BMT in April and just finished Tech School 3 weeks ago. We've been apart that whole time. It can be rough on any relationship. And that will be nothing compared to a deployment.
And about the ceremony/reception: you can't plan one to try and make up for his last, he made a poor decision with the last one. Hopefully, you both have chosen eachother for the love, friendship and respect you have for eachother. It's not your responsibility to trump his last failed marriage.
Thank you Leannalyn. I most assuredly take my oath very seriously and we did talk about that in depth. This is something I've been wanting to do since Freshman Year of high school while I worked my way through the ROTC program. however, to be honest, I suppose on a relationship level I hadn't thought about it in that light but hearing it spelled out a little differently makes some of the things he has said make more sense. I love him very much and I can't see us falling out of love (but I'm sure everyone felt that way at some point before filing for a divorce). I'll makre sure to keep my priorities in line but also make sure he knows exactly what I'm feeling as things progress and put in some extra effort to understand his feelings.
. I'm just glad that even though his past experience didn't go so well he's being so incredibly patient and supportive of me now.
It's a very important and exciting time for both of us
I know it's going to be incredibly hard for me but I still feel like it's something important that I really want to do.
Thats true but I feel bad that it went so bad for him and I know it bothers him too.
I get what you're saying completely. When I first posted this and got a few replies I did have a sit down with him to really talk this one out. He was very clear that he wants me to do this and that he's fine with going with me. We had a basic idea and ran with it but didn't really delve into everything as a couple, which we should have to begin with. I'm happy with the results
He is 25 and has left home (home as in the area his family is) before. He lived down south (his family in the New Englad area) so he isn't attached to his family's hip. If I thought it would be too much for him to handle being away from home, things would have been very differently played out.
Our relationship was one of the key reasons for me waiting a while. I was young when I fell into a bad controlling relationship that put military plans on hold and I had to evolve as a individiual before I could be ready for it and ultimatly it was thanks to that that he and I met. I put off a little longer for us to have a good foundation and then everything kind of took flight.
My major concern was that this piece (which is supposed to be one of the most important memories of our lives as a couple) of our story was less what he wanted and more what I wanted. The relationship as a whole is rather healthy and we're both ready to support each other.
I didn't find your post b*tchy, I think you had a very sound opinion and said it like it was. I found nothing to be insulting so don't worry about that. And yes, I will take from your post and speak to him more on the subject, your point of view has very valid reasoning and one can't be 100% sure unless they've exhausted all options presented to them.