Attendant of Honor

PhoneCardLady · May 2011

My boyfriend has decided that he does not want a best man to stand up for him, which I understand, however, I feel that I do need someone to assist me at the altar (adjusting train, holding bouquet, etc).

Because of this I feel that I cannot ask my two best friends to stand up for me because I'm sure the other would be hurt. I am therefore thinking of asking my niece to assist.

The reason I say Attendant of Honor is that I would not weigh her down with the responsibilities of a MOH. I do not expect a shower, or her to throw one for me as we have almost everything needed.
I would like to hear what you think.

georgia_bride09 · May 2011

Why can't you ask your two best friends to stand up there with you?

redheadfsu · May 2011

Ask your two best friends & just call them bridesmaids. The sides don't have to be even.

There are no duties...just tell her/them you don't want a shower (etc) if they ask.

midgetthemighty · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_attendant-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ebb9885-1e20-4c0d-b0d2-65bf568f056aPost:71edcb14-12f1-47bd-8329-c5d50245d09b">Re: Attendant of Honor</a>:
[QUOTE]Ask your two best friends & just call them bridesmaids. The sides don't have to be even. There are no duties...just tell her/them you don't want a shower (etc) if they ask.
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

This.

Celles · May 2011

It's perfectly fine for you to have two bridesmaids and him to have no attendants at all.

Calling your niece an "attendants of honor" rather than a "bridesmaid" is just playing with semantics. It'll make you feel better but no one else will see the difference. IMO, ask your two best friends to be bridesmaids but tell them you aren't interested in a bachelorette party or bridal shower.

Stackeye210 · May 2011

MOH's and BM's don't have duties other than to show up, so really you have nothing to worry about. If you want to ask your 2 friends, then by all means, ask them. You can let them know that you don't expect any pre wedding parties.

ahhhitsshannyn · May 2011

Attendant of honor just sounds weird. Either ask your two best friends or do not have any attendants. We had no bridal party, and I passed my bouquet off to my mom who was in the front and I did not need anyone to adjust my train. I did not know it needed adjustment.

Mrs.B6302007 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_attendant-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ebb9885-1e20-4c0d-b0d2-65bf568f056aPost:a750ea34-a070-49d8-98b2-696dbedc922d">Attendant of Honor</a>:
[QUOTE]My boyfriend has decided that he does not want a best man to stand up for him, which I understand, however, I feel that I do need someone to assist me at the altar (adjusting train, holding bouquet, etc). Because of this I feel that I cannot ask my two best friends to stand up for me because I'm sure the other would be hurt. I am therefore thinking of asking my niece to assist. The reason I say Attendant of Honor is that I would not weigh her down with the responsibilities of a MOH. I do not expect a shower, or her to throw one for me as we have almost everything needed. I would like to hear what you think.
Posted by PhoneCardLady[/QUOTE]

Ditto the others. Just have your girls be BM and decline a shower if one is offered.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2011

Ask your two best friends. Have one adjust your train, have one hold your bouquet. I had 2 BMs and a "bridesman" and no honor attendant. Do whatever you want.

Mrs.B6302007 · May 2011

And call him your FI, not your boyfriend. =-) Plus, you have plenty of time until your wedding so don't overthink things - you'll drive yourself nuts for the next 16 months.

GL!

PhoneCardLady · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_attendant-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ebb9885-1e20-4c0d-b0d2-65bf568f056aPost:3780fa13-d8df-4ffc-95d0-a447726e52ab">Re: Attendant of Honor</a>:
[QUOTE]And call him your FI, not your boyfriend. =-) Plus, you have plenty of time until your wedding so don't overthink things - you'll drive yourself nuts for the next 16 months. GL!
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

I claim ignorance - I don't know what FI is and we're not offically engaged yet.

PhoneCardLady · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_attendant-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ebb9885-1e20-4c0d-b0d2-65bf568f056aPost:b212d5f6-6c45-469d-a4e0-7ad913e130a9">Re: Attendant of Honor</a>:
[QUOTE]Why can't you ask your two best friends to stand up there with you?
Posted by georgia_bride09[/QUOTE]

Money is tight for them (two kids in college for one, high school for the other) and it is even tighter for me.

jessicabessica · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_attendant-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ebb9885-1e20-4c0d-b0d2-65bf568f056aPost:604d885c-2900-440c-a784-0d7978933bd7">Re: Attendant of Honor</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Attendant of Honor : Money is tight for them (two kids in college for one, high school for the other) and it is even tighter for me.
Posted by PhoneCardLady[/QUOTE]

Why is money a factor? They don't need to host any parties, all they need to do is stand up with you. They don't have to buy special dresses--they could wear something they already have, or you could find nice dresses that are inexpensive (department stores and Filene's Basement-type stores would be good places to look).

Brandiewine11 · May 2011

Nothing says your friends have to spend a lot of money. You can ask them to pick any dress in a certain color (choose black or something they already own if you want). If they are already coming to your wedding, then there is no extra cash required. They don't have to throw you parites, etc.

If you don't want to ask them, then don't. You can have your niece, but don't call her an "Attendant of Honor" - it sounds strange.

Also, you can just not have anyone and have your mom or anyone else adjust your train and hold your flowers without being "in" the wedding.

ahhhitsshannyn · May 2011

FI is fiance. You guys are engaged if you are planning a wedding a choosing a bridal party, a ring does not matter.

But like Celles said, the wording is just that, wording. If your niece is standing up with you, everyone will assume she is your MOH. If you want her to be your MOH, let her, if you want your two friends to be bridesmaids, ask them. Being a BM does not have to get super expensive if you do not let it, you can let them wear a black dress and shoes that they already own, and get a small bouquet from the grocery store or use fake flowers. Just choose what you want to.

But either way, you should hold off to make any decisions just yet, usually bridal parties are chosen around 6 months prior to the wedding. Good luck.

redheadfsu · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_attendant-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ebb9885-1e20-4c0d-b0d2-65bf568f056aPost:187fe0d5-fbd1-4ed0-bd65-5f9f737e6039">Re: Attendant of Honor</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Attendant of Honor : I claim ignorance - I don't know what FI is and we're <strong>not offically engaged yet.</strong>
Posted by PhoneCardLady[/QUOTE]

Wait, what?

Are you both planning a wedding? Then you are engaged. A ring is just a symbol it doesn't prevent an engagement. If you both have agreed to get married... Congrats you are engaged!

BMs don't spend money unless you make them. If you don't care about their dress (or pick a cheaper one) then it isn't an issue.

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