Hi ladies! I need advice...

CCO2012 · June 2012

I know it has been a while since I have been on here, but I really need advice and do not know who else to ask...

My mother went to look at MOB dress yesterday and was supposed to wait to actually purchase until today so I could be with her. But, she bought one... This one. <- clicky

The tuxedos are navy, the bridesmaids are wearing navy short dresses with a full skirt made of dupioni. I was first upset that she purchased without me there, but now that I have seen the dress I hate it! Don't get me wrong, it is a gorgeous dress and she looks incredible in it, but it is ALL WRONG for the MOB to wear.

Any advice on how to handle this situation?

JBSMADA10 · June 2012

I don't understand why this dress is wrong. Did you give her criteria? Do you want her to match your bridal party? If you gave her colors and fabrics that you wanted and she bypassed them completely then discuss why she disregarded your options. But it's a nice dress and technically MOB doesn't need to match but could be in a complementary color.

kaitlynmichelle · June 2012

Hi CCO!

I think the dress looks great. Its better than the last wedding I was at, the MOB wore a white dress with a train. I could totally understand not liking that dress, but the bride didn't seem to mind at all.

What in particular do you not like about it?

audrewuh · June 2012

I think its a lovely dress for a wedding. And for a MOB. She doesn't have to compliment anyone, as long as she feels confident in the dress. It does sting a bit that she didn't wait for you, if you were hoping to have that mother daughter experience. If you're upset that she went without you and didn't get your approval, that's kind of a btch move. She's a grown woman. She can decide what looks good on her and what doesn't.

CCO2012 · June 2012

I asked her not to wear red, brown, orange or black and asked that if it were a long dress in be in more of a taffeta or silk or satin... Just so she looked cohesive. She forced (not exaggerating) me to change the tuxedos to navy because she HATES black and navy together and now she is wearing black when everyone else is wearing blue? I just that her dress is a bit on the sexy side and my wedding has a more elegant/ preppy style. She will just look off compared to everyone else that day.

ETA: I feel like looking back at pictures of the day I will be reminded of her attitude of its all about her and what she wants/ likes and I just don't want that. I am really fine with her wearing what she is comfortable in but I wish she would have given me a bit of consideration. She has been beyond opinionated about every single detail of the wedding from what I wear to what the bridesmaids wear to what the groomsmen wear and she has no regard for my wishes. Its just sad and upsetting and make me nauseas. I have gotten her to agree to go look a bit more with me today but she just keeps saying, "I am 99% sure I will NOT find anything I like more." It just makes me feel yuck and like I don't matter to her in this.

peekaboo2011 · June 2012

I'm sorry, but I think you're being a bit of a brat about this. Your mother bought a dress that she feels awesome in. She doesnt have to match anyone else. She's your mother, not a bridesmaid. I think you're overlooking the fact that at the end of the day, this is about you and Dan being married, not about what you wore or your bms wore or what color the tuxes were or what your mother wore. Let it go and move forward. This is not something I'd die on a hill for.

LilTexasGal · June 2012

I think it would be a fun experience to go with my mom for her to try on dresses, and I can see why you would be a little heart broken had you wanted to share an experience with her, but honestly I wouldn't make a deal of it. That dress isn't overly sexy, and black and tan are muted colors in my opinion. She could have gone with a color and style that would have been far louder. I don't think causing too much stress over a dress is worth it. True, she didn't listen to what you wanted, and you could talk to her about it - but if it looks like she isn't going to want to listen to your feelings, just let it go.

DanieKA · June 2012

I think the top, which I'm sure is lined, is a bit much for the MOB at the wedding. That's just my opinion of the dress itself though. It is nice and rather va-va voom, but from what I remember, that's kind of your mom, CCO, right? It just seems like everyone's going to be looking at mom's cleavage, as fantastic as it might be.

Having said that, I don't think your mom needs your approval to buy her dress. It would have been nice to if she had waited for you and made it a fun experience. Or listened to your suggestions after you changed things for her in your own wedding. But she didn't. And from what you've described before, I'm not surprised. This is just one in a list of things she's done to accommodate herself, no? I wouldn't worry too much about it. You know her pattern by now. I know it gets under your skin, but at this point you know she's going to do what she wants regardless of how it makes you feel. You can't change that. All you can do is adjust how you react to it. In 5 years if you look back at your pictures and all you can think about is how your mom clashes I'd say there are much deeper issues than just what this dress is representing.

cu97tiger · June 2012

In Response to Re:Hi ladies! I need advice...:[QUOTE]I think the top, which I'm sure is lined, is a bit much for the MOB at the wedding. That's just my opinion of the dress itself though. It is nice and rather vava voom, but from what I remember, that's kind of your mom, CCO, right? It just seems like everyone's going to be looking at mom's cleavage, as fantastic as it might be.nbsp;Having said that, I don't think your mom needs your approval to buy her dress. It would have been nice to if she had waited for you and made it a fun experience. Or listened to your suggestions after you changed things for her in your own wedding. But she didn't. And from what you've described before, I'm not surprised. This is just one in a list of things she's done to accommodate herself, no? I wouldn't worry too much about it. You know her pattern by now. I know it gets under your skin, but at this point you know she's going to do what she wants regardless of how it makes you feel. You can't change that. All you can do is adjust how you react to it. In 5 years if you look back at your pictures and all you can think about is how your mom clashes I'd say there are much deeper issues than just what this dress is representing.nbsp; Posted by DanieKA[/QUOTE]

Well said, Danie. I know it isn't what you wanted exactly, CCO, but I can tell you that there are very few of my wedding pictures where my mother is one of the first things you notice. Unfortunately, she didn't follow your request in terms of colors, but that is a pretty dress, so I would just take a deep breath and move on to worrying about something else.

mymissingpuzzlepiece · June 2012

I understand why you would be bothered by her buying the dress without you, but I wouldn't make a big deal out of this. PPs are right, she doesn't need your approval to buy her dress even though that would have been preferable. In the end, her dress isn't all that important anyway and she could have done far worse with her choice.

thejucheidea · June 2012

Sorry, but I think you're just gonna have to...

Peaseblossom55 · June 2012

I would be upset if my mom went dress shopping without me. Right now my mom is having trouble finding a dress for my sister's wedding. I think your mom should feel comfortable and be happy in what she is wearing. That is what is important, there are far more important things in life and at the end of the day you will still be married.

CCO2012 · June 2012

I understand everyone's point of view on this and I appreciate the advice.

We went today and she showed me her second favorite dress (that she said she would wear if I liked it and hated her black one) and I loved it it is perfect. It is a very dark shade of blue and off the shoulder and has a lovely broach on the shoulder and she looked elegant. But as soon as I said I liked it, she decided it was uncomfortable and hated it... She has agreed to continue looking, but I told her I was done going with her. If she didn't care what I thought would be appropriate, then she should just wear whatever she wanted.

My sister is super pissed at her. But, I've decided to let her be the one that looks out of place and over dressed and move on the more important issues, like finally finishing the guest list before we mail the invites next week.

jorja86 · June 2012

Oh, hi there. I guess you're done hating us all now that you need a place to complain about your mother again? I think the dress is lovely. It sucks that she didn't wait for you, but maybe it's because she is aware of your attitude that pictures are more important than her comfort on your wedding day. You are acting like a total bridezilla. As far as your mother being difficult with the rest of planning; people treat you the way you allow them to. If you wanted black tuxes, you should have gotten black tuxes. Now, if your mother is paying for this wedding, she needs to have some say, but I still think setting some boundaries would be a great idea right about now.

LilTexasGal · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hi-ladies-i-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:6e118ec1-1a5d-4c78-9fa1-037f24bb40ebPost:df2027c7-2326-4c2d-9369-b8c9affec69d">Re: Hi ladies! I need advice...</a>:
[QUOTE]I understand everyone's point of view on this and I appreciate the advice. We went today and she showed me her second favorite dress (that she said she would wear if I liked it and hated her black one) and I loved it it is perfect. It is a very dark shade of blue and off the shoulder and has a lovely broach on the shoulder and she looked elegant. But as soon as I said I liked it, she decided it was uncomfortable and hated it... She has agreed to continue looking, but I told her I was done going with her. If she didn't care what I thought would be appropriate, then she should just wear whatever she wanted. My sister is super pissed at her. But, I've decided to let her be the one that looks out of place and over dressed and move on the more important issues, like finally finishing the guest list before we mail the invites next week.
Posted by CCO2012[/QUOTE]

Sounds like she already has her mind set on how she wants to look at your wedding. From the sound of it, the dress you looked at today sounded beautiful. Do you think that maybe your mom just wants to stand out from the bridal party? Also, don't worry about the black with the navy blue:
<a href="http://bios.weddingbee.com/pics/97844/IMG_4559.JPG" rel="nofollow">http://bios.weddingbee.com/pics/97844/IMG_4559.JPG</a>
As you can tell, the colors complement each other nicely. So, if you're worried about the color of her dress and the BP clashing, don't stress - it'll look fine.

Sorry your mom is giving you such a rough time, but I am glad to hear that you're taking the high road. Now, get to work on that guest list! Lol :D.

CCO2012 · June 2012

Jorja.... Advice not needed, I wont be coming back knowing that witchy is still the main for of communication for some.

Thanks everyone else.

thejucheidea · June 2012

I guess I just don't understand why you would leave in a tizzy then come back for the express purpose of bitching in a bridezilla fashion. Why not just go to Wedding Woes and avoid those you hate for calling you out on exactly what you're doing in this post?

loves2shop4shoes · June 2012

uh...hi?

You're a grown woman...capable of dictating your own wardrobe. So is your mother. I'm sorry, but your list of NOs sounded ridiculous to me. No red, brown, orange, or black? Giving her fabric dictations? Seriously?

Here SHOULD have been your list: "Don't wear white, ivory, ecru, or anything else in the white family. Also, please don't show your hooha."

You're acting like a bridezilla. Your mother should wear whatever makes her feel comfortable and beautiful. And you should consider yourself lucky that this is the biggest challenge you are dealing with right now.

swhite2012 · June 2012

Just because she is a mother doesn't mean she has to be matronly. If my mom finds a dress that is sexy and looks good on her and makes her feel great, then that is fantastic and I couldn't be happier for her. It's an opportunity for her to dress up and have a night out too. Chill out, let it go, stress about more important things.

loves2shop4shoes · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hi-ladies-i-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6e118ec1-1a5d-4c78-9fa1-037f24bb40ebPost:554968f9-b774-48df-a645-2cc1ea5ab7b6">Re: Hi ladies! I need advice...</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Just because she is a mother doesn't mean she has to be matronly. If my mom finds a dress that is sexy and looks good on her and makes her feel great, then that is fantastic and I couldn't be happier for her.</strong> It's an opportunity for her to dress up and have a night out too. Chill out, let it go, stress about more important things.
Posted by swhite2012[/QUOTE]

All of this. Just because she's the MOB doesn't mean she needs to dress up in a burqua.

IrishDreamer · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hi-ladies-i-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:6e118ec1-1a5d-4c78-9fa1-037f24bb40ebPost:2f95bd54-6dde-462a-bd08-96b704b612c7">Re: Hi ladies! I need advice...</a>:
[QUOTE]uh...hi? You're a grown woman...capable of dictating your own wardrobe. So is your mother. I'm sorry, but your list of NOs sounded ridiculous to me. No red, brown, orange, or black? Giving her fabric dictations? Seriously? Here SHOULD have been your list: "Don't wear white, ivory, ecru, or anything else in the white family. Also, please don't show your hooha." You're acting like a bridezilla. Your mother should wear whatever makes her feel comfortable and beautiful. And you should consider yourself lucky that this is the biggest challenge you are dealing with right now.
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]

Shoes, you forgot one thing - no Janet Jackson boob incidents :-)

psubride09 · June 2012

I agree with the two previous posters. Unless you are specifying no variation of white, and no mini skirts/extreme cleavage, let her pick what makes her comfortable. I understand having a difficult mother- but in this case you are being a little ridiculous.

No one is going to be looking at her when you are the one in the big white dress getting married.

If she is wearing something she picked and feels confident in, it will show on your wedding day and make your day that much easier. If you force her to wear something she hates, you will hear about it, deservedly.

peekaboo2011 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hi-ladies-i-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:6e118ec1-1a5d-4c78-9fa1-037f24bb40ebPost:71fed7b4-2672-490a-aaad-1a302b12767a">Re: Hi ladies! I need advice...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Hi ladies! I need advice... : All of this. Just because she's the MOB doesn't mean she needs to dress up in a burqua.
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]

WAIT, you mean I can't make my mother wear a dress that only shows her eyeballs? LAME.