Funerals

amalama · July 2009

Wading and Lpstl-I agree that it is innappropriate, but not neccesarily if that is how your family does funerals Wading. His family does not, and as this is his mom's husband's mother, it will be a lot of family that doesn't even know or care about our daughter. So I think it would be offensive to them to come to mourn their grandmother/aunt/whatever, and have my FMIL there showing off my daughter and everyone excited to see her.Thanks everyone for your opinions, I just wanted to get some outside perspective. I think we will end up taking her to the lunch afterwards but not the funeral.

lpstl · July 2009

Wading - don't take it so personally, I didn't even read the responses before I posted.

wadingmoose · July 2009

I'm fairly certain that a blanket "It's inappropriate" statement is just that it doesn't leave a lot of room for interpretation.

chosen175 · July 2009

I wouldn't hesitate to bring dd to a wake, and she turned 2 last week. She has been to 3 so far, and nobody has ever had a problem with it. I never bring her into the room where the viewing is, though. FI and I take turns going alone while the other one stays with dd in the lobby or sitting area. In our family, you're family no matter how old/young you are so kids are welcome everywhere adults are. We never stay long at the wake, though, and if dd started getting antsy, one of us would take her outsidde while the other one said goodbye to everyone. She has only been to 1 funeral, though, and she was about 6 or 7 months old at the time. Nobody minded and she was really well-behaved. I don't know that a 2 year old would see a body in a casket as something scary. She'd probably think the person was just sleeping. If you are worried about her behavior, or if you don't want her to see you and your bf all upset/crying, I'd find a sitter. Or maybe bring her to the wake but not the actual funeral if they're on different days - that might be a nice compromise. GL!

Beadlz · July 2009

I'm apparently in the minority here, but I don't see any problem with taking children to funerals, at any age. I come from a fairly big family who experienced a lot of death when I was little, and it was never a problem. There was only one funeral I don't think I was at and that was my cousins, but she had been murdered so there was a lot more to that situation. Death is a part of life, and is something we all have to deal with at some point. At 2 years old she probably fully comprehend whats going on anyways, though children are often more perceptive then we give them credit for, especially ones that can't quite talk yet. If its open casket then just don't show her the body.

[Deleted User] · July 2009

I think it depends on what you feel is right. My brother died when I was 16, my sister was only 4, she did not go to the wake, but she did go to the funeral and lunch. He was sick for half of her life at that point and we as a family choose for him to die at home, she was in the room when he died in fact. My mom insisted my sister attend the funeral because when my mom was 10 her brother died and none of her brothers and sister were involved at all. This bothered my mom then and I know it still does now. I think it's difficult to say what is appropriate for other people's children.

smokeybailey · July 2009

I am late to the game here, but from my perspective, I am bothered when people are trying to speak and a small child is yelling or talking loudly. It's difficult enough without trying to speak over a toddler. No one thought it was cute at this particular funeral I am thinking about. As far as appropriate, is the 2 year close to this step great g-ma? Will she understand who is there, what has happened and appreciate it (the way people are saying here that they were glad that they went to a close family member's funeral)? If not, then she probably doesn't need to go.In my family, we always have a wake after. In fact, we call it the after party because it is a celebration of the life of the person who is gone. Children are probably most comfortable in that situation. It's filled with jokes and stories and usually lots o' drinking. And probably some crying too. Laugh, cry, laugh again. That could be confusing to some toddlers so maybe it isn't a good place for them.What about you? What will your grieving process be like? You may want to consider how you will feel that day and if you are up to tending to your DD if you are knee deep in grief and tears yourself. That is hard for a little one to see and understand...

lyndausvi · July 2009

I think it's up to you. I think at 2 they can't even grasp what is even going on so having them there or not might not even be an issue. But it might be a PITA for you to have to deal with. I think 3.5-7 is where they start getting things like that and it could be pretty tramatic for them. I was about 5 when I went to my first funeral. It was for a great uncle or something. My parents took us because my grandparents were getting older and they did not want our first funeral to be of someone close to us. It never tramatized me. I think I went to at least one funeral a year for years due to my mom's large extended family. I do have to say funerals in my family and not normal. We are Irish-Catholic and believe in celebrating their life. (unless they are young). Our wakes are very loud with crying and laughing mixed together. After funeral receptions have alcohol and are very loud and lots of laughter remembering the person who died. I actually have some great memories from family funerals.but in the end you as the mother is the one who decides.

Funerals

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