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Very upset, even though I shouldn't care.

abbey&joshabbey&josh member
10 Comments
in Ohio-Cincinnati
I will try to make this as short as possible. I have custody of my 4-yr-old nephew. FI and I have been taking care of him for almost 3 years b/c my younger sister cannot manage to stay clean and out of trouble long enough to take care of her son. Now, her and his "father" have decided they are ready to be parents. My mom was on my side until a few months ago when my sister found out she was pregnant (she had an abortion last yr). The last time we went to court, my mom testified that I was mentally unstable and should not have my nephew, even though, in previous hearings, she told the judge I should have him. So after that hearing, obviously upset, when she tried to talk to me, I told her to leave me alone. We haven't spoken since, but I had my sis (MOH) send her a shower invite b/c I figured she's wanna be there. She is my Mom, after all. Well, my shower is Sunday and I just talked to my sis and my mom is not coming b/c I was "mean to her." Are you freaking kidding me! I shouldn't even care and I'm trying hard not to, but that hurts. I actually cried.Thanks for letting me vent!
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Re: Very upset, even though I shouldn't care.

  • mrs.dilligafmrs.dilligaf
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I don't even know what to say, except that blows.  I'm sorry you have to deal with this.   
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  • rschuckmanrschuckman member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Sounds like you have been the more responsible one!  I hope venting made you feel better.  The whole situation is just cr*p!  I think when it comes to weddings and other special family occassions, bickering family members should set aside their differences.  I think you did the right thing by having your sister extend an invitation to your mom.  If your mom choses not to go or not to attend the wedding, it will be her loss.  She will probably regret it for the rest of her life.  Try and feel better and think about the positive things you have going for you! :)
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  • jarmstrong23jarmstrong23
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    :::hugs:::: The fact that you and your FI have opened your hearts, home, and life to a little boy who needed it is all that matters when all this mess (custody, court, etc.) is all said and done.  As for your shower, as pp said, it is your mom's loss, and you were the "bigger person" and did the right thing by offering her an invitation.  She will regret it, but you can hold your head high knowing that you have done the best you can do with a crumby situation.  It breaks my heart to hear about Moms who act immature during the time of their daughter's/son's weddings.  Hopefully she'll straighten up her act in time for the wedding day-- if not, she needs to look in the mirror the next time she deems someone "mentally unstable."  Unreal.
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  • rikkiandwill09rikkiandwill09 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have such a similar situation. I have had custody of my 2 neices for 5 years. The parents have never tried to get them back though, which is better than coming in and out of their life, but it is so hard! It is family so it is not like just adopting a stranger. You still have to hear from everyone involved. My brother stole my car and I had to file a police report to find it was abandoned in a parking lot while he was running from the cops. My mother testified for him saying that I lent it to him! Arent mothers the best sometimes? I am blessed that I was able to forgive her and my brother and have them both at the wedding. I hope your mother gets over herself and realizes what she has done before your big day :)
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  • abbey&joshabbey&josh member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks girls. I know you are all right.  I feel a little better. I am determined to have fun at my shower anyway. My FMIL will not be there b/c she is out of town, but sent gifts and I already got to open one of them (very pretty lingerie). Plus, she's throwing me another shower! I know she will be there for me on my wedding day and whenever else, so that helps. Thanks for the support everyone!
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  • jeremy.teresajeremy.teresa
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    First of all, you are def a wonderful person for opening your heart and home to your nephew.  I agree w/ everything Jen said.Secondly, I also agree that you did what you felt was right by extending an invitation to your mom.  Its up to her to decide whether or not she wants to continue to act like a child and let what happened stop her from being a part of your celebrations.  I was once told that weddings either bring out the best or worst in people and I agree with it.  Stay strong and remember that you are doing what you feel is best.  Hugs and GL!
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  • onlymelsonlymels member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    wow that sucks I would have disowned my mom if she did that to me. I wouldn't even want her to be at my wedding. It would hurt me really bad to do it but I would be super pissed.
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  • IG.museIG.muse
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    *hugs* is all I can say. Hope everything works out. You're a wonderful person for taking care of your nephew.
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