Dress Shopping - Who To Bring?

Re: Dress Shopping - Who To Bring?

• Maggie0829 member

  

  May 2012

  If you only want to go with your Mom and Dad then that is who you should invite.  You can always invite your FMIL to your first fitting once you buy your dress and it comes in.  You can also show her pictures of the dress you chose after you finish dress shopping.

  
  

  I do think it was kind of forward of her to tell you that she wants to come shopping with you, she should have just waited for an invite (if you chose to) and definitely not expected anythihng.

  
  

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• RupertPenny

  

  May 2012

  I did not find dress shopping to be a particularly special or emotional experience, so I would say don't get your hopes up about that too much. 

  
  

  Anyway, you don't have to bring her. Don't tell her you aren't inviting her, just don't mention it and go whenever is convenient for you and your parents. You might be able to invite FMIL to a fitting after you have the dress all picked out an everything. 

  
  

  Also, colored text is annoying. 

  

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• Kate61487 member

  

  May 2012

  I think it's a fair request to have that experience with just the people you want there, but that doesn't mean her feelings won't be a little hurt by it.  It sounds like you've got a pretty open relationship; so I would just try to be honest with her.  Let her know that you're not really looking forward to dress shopping because you're feeling a little self conscious and you'd really like her to come with you after you've gotten a feel for what you'll like and what you won't.  Don't try to hide it from her, be honest.
  
  I'm curious how the conversation has gone thus far.  How did you respond when she said she'd like to go?  did you say  "of course!" in which case now you'll be going back on what you said? because that's going to sting more than if she just asked you in an email and you haven't responded.

  

   
  

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• SarahPLiz member

  

  May 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dress-shopping-who-to-bring-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9b875126-d2a2-4ff5-8e51-3b9781972f8cPost:1132e5ed-eb4c-47c4-81c3-3340aef140a7">Re: Dress Shopping - Who To Bring?</a>:
  [QUOTE]I did not find dress shopping to be a particularly special or emotional experience, so I would say don't get your hopes up about that too much.  Anyway, you don't have to bring her. Don't tell her you aren't inviting her, just don't mention it and go whenever is convenient for you and your parents. You might be able to invite FMIL to a fitting after you have the dress all picked out an everything.  Also, colored text is annoying. 
  Posted by RupertPenny[/QUOTE]
  All of this. For me, dress shopping took all of an hour and I went with 2 friends because I should not be allowed to dress myself. There was no crying, or even teary eyes. There was giggling, but that was because we were making fun of the dresses that were "no"s. 

  
  

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• tpender13 member

  

  May 2012

  If you don't want to invite her, don't. I would just explain to her, alone, a bit of what you explained to us. I bet she'll understand. You could always invite her to a fitting or just make an appointment at the salon to go with her and "visit" your dress.

  

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• lbarr088

  

  May 2012

  I invited FMIL but she couldn't make it or something like that.  I was fine with it.  I brought my parents and my MOH.  Overall it was pretty uneventful and unemotional.  In fact when I found "the dress" my mom looked at me and said "Should I be crying right now or something?  Why am I not crying?"  Yup, no made for TV moment over here...

  
  

  Invite those you will be most comfortable with.  I never wear anything remotely girly so I was pretty nervous.  I'm glad I didn't listen to other peoples suggestions of inviting more people.

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• divinemsbee member

  

  May 2012

  I agree with Rupert. My experience wasn't especially emotional or dramatic either. I did several appointments scheduled across three days and two states. I live in TX, and one friend and I went on a Saturday. I then went with my mom, grandmother (who is paying for the dress) and MOH in MS, where the wedding is; those appointments were a Monday and a Thursday. Also, I think maybe taking FMIL to your fitting is a good compromise. 

  
  

  You're talking about taking your dad, and I might let places know he will be there before you go. Every boutique I went to (not places like David's or Alfred Angelo where you're pretty out in the open for the mirrors) didn't allow men in the back area. Because it's likely to be several little dressing rooms and then an outer area (like a nice department store changing room) where there are several platforms and mirrors and couches. The one place that wasn't like that I basically stripped down to my strapless bra and Spanx in a large dressing room in front of my people, and I guarantee my dad wouldn't have been comfortable with that. 

  
  

  You'll be out there with other girls who are also trying on and may or may not be hanging out of the back of samples (I was). I actually only had another bride at one store because my appointments were earlier in the day but, still, they're not going to allow your Dad back there if it might make other brides uncomfortable. One place I went to said that they made men sit up front and if you wanted a man to see you in something you had to walk to the front of the store.  It's not like SYTTD episodes where you're the only one in the area, generally. Just food for thought. 

  

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• HockeyFan4 member

  

  May 2012

  I think tv shows like SYTD makes it out to be more than it really is.
  
  You need to know if you are capable of dealing with other people's opinions.  I knew that I really didn't care what people thought, I knew I would be able to filter out their responses and just listen to myself.
  
  My FMIL, Mom, Aunt, MOH and BM came with me...it was fun just hanging out with everyone...and since H is an only child, his mom did appreciate being involved.
  

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• futuremrsbruno member

  

  May 2012

  I invited anyone from my bridal party as well as FI's family who wanted to come with me and my mom. FI's mom died when he was younger and he was raised by his grandparents and his moms siblings, so they are basically ALL acting as his parents. (Dad left when he was a baby and divorced his mom a few years later).
  
  In the end it was me, my mom, my MOH, and 2 bridesmaids. I knew I would need help in the fititng room and my MOH was tasked with that. I'm not a skinny girl but I'm comfortable with my body enough not to care what size they have to pull for me and let others see. But that's what was comfortable with me. I cried and giggled at the same time when I found my dress. It was a wonderful moment.
  
  However, that was me. If you truly don't feel comfortable with her being there, tell her. She'll be upset if she finds out you went behind her back. If you really wouldn't mind her coming at another time, let her know that. I'd also explain to her what you said to us about how you are not comfortable with how you look. At the end of the day she's a woman, and I think most women get that. If she's still upset, well she'll eventually get over it. Unfortanately you are not always going to do something she likes and she's going to have to get used to that.

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• JaxInBlue member

  

  May 2012

  Ditto PPs.  I went dress shopping with my mom, my sister/MOH, my godmother and my FMIL.  It was not an emotional, crying when I found the one experience.  The best part of the experience, for me, was the time I had with my sister, who was actually a consultant in the where I bought my dress, and had a lot of ideas and feedback.  Everyone else was kind of background but it was important for me that they all be there.  (My FMIL had not had the opportunity to go with her daughters.)
  
  If you only want your parents there, I think that's perfectly fine and I like the idea of bringing your FMIL for a visit at a later time.  But I do think you need to be upfront with her about what you plan to do to include her later and in other areas.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• kmmssg mod

  

  May 2012

  Take you who you want when you go dress shopping.  Invite FMIL to go along to pick out BM dresses.
  
  Very biased MOB POV here - for my girls, it is just the two of them and me.  That is what they wanted and I am thrilled because it is very emotional for me.  My other two girls are my stepdd's and they shopped with their mom for their gowns.  That was not my place to be and I respected that.  If my last unmarried wants to INVITE someone to go with us when she gets married, great - it is her gig.  If someone tries to invite themself and she doesn't want them there she can always invoke her crazy mom's name and tell them I'm BSC (which may have occured once or twice over the last 52 years).
  
  Make this experence what YOU want it to be.  My girls' stepmom was pissed she didn't get to go dress shopping for the wedding gown but she was invited for the BM dresses.

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• polichik member

  

  May 2012

  Not going to lie, I had an embarrassingly emotional and dramatic dress shopping experience, but I'm also emotional and dramatic in general :P I went over a dozen times and tried on over 100 dresses, which I would not recommend. Really though, I think it would be a nice gesture to let her know that you would like to go for the first time alone with your mom but would love to go with FMIL for a second look to show her some dresses you like.

  
  Planning!.....Married!
  

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• MrsGandthebeag member

  

  May 2012

  My shopping experience was like the pp's.  It was not emotional at all.  I was there for like 2 hours, and by the fifth dress was ready to get the F out of there.  I brought my mom and MIL.  My MIL was very happy to be there.  She was more emotional than my own mom.  I say let her in on the experience.

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