Hypocrisy or habit?

AmoroAgain · July 2009

Do you think it appropriate to get married in a church if neither you nor your FI are members of said church, or particularly subscribe to any religion?

veronabrit · July 2009

I don't really care, either way . We didn't get married in a church because although I grew up catholic, we don't attend church now. We did however, have some mention of God in our vows.

vallyhoo · July 2009

I don't think it is necessarily inappropriate, but of the people I am close to that don't attend church or subscribe to any religion, none of them have decided to get married in a church.

wadingmoose · July 2009

I think like many things about a wedding, it's all for show and what is supposed to be done. For a lot of people, weddings still signify a religious commitment whether or not they subscribe to that religion itself.I consider myself mostly Christian, but I've never belonged to a church. That doesn't mean that someone like me wouldn't think it important to get married before God. If it is, then go for it. But you need to really examine why your relationship with your supreme being is important enough to justify marrying in a church, but not attending a church on a regular basis.For the record, I'm not having a religious ceremony, nor will it be in a church.

danieliza1127 · July 2009

If you believe in God and the whole thing about having him in your marriage, then yeah I think it's okay to get married in a church even though you aren't members or don't attend church. If you don't believe in God or organized religion, then I don't see why you would even want to get married in a church. We knew all along we wouldn't be getting married in a church no matter what. That said, would I be offended to attend a wedding in a church when I knew the couple doesn't really believe in it all, not really. I'm not religious enough myself to care.

AmoroAgain · July 2009

FI and I are not getting married in a church, but we are getting married by a pastor. We both believe in a god, but not necessarily the one mentioned in the Bible. We feel it's right to mention god, but not to get married in a house of god (if that makes sense).I feel like people just do it out of habit or because other people tell them that's what "should" be done. Not because they think it's the right thing to do. I think it's a bit of both, really.

danieliza1127 · July 2009

I do agree with you that people do it out of habit, or out of a feeling of it just being the way it's done.

LauraT25 · July 2009

Not being members of the church is no big deal. Not believing in God...well, I would try not to judge, unless I knew they were having it in a church just because it's 'pretty'. I mean, my FI and I are not religious in any way, and aren't getting married in a church, but FMIL has been having a conniption over it so I could see a couple giving in just to placate someone, even if that's not necessarily the 'right' thing to do.

Calypso1977 · July 2009

yes, or at least members of that church's faith. i think that if you dont believe it or live in it your daily lives, why make a display of it/proclamation of it on your wedding day?i also get irritated with people that do it just to please their parents. if you are in your 20's or 30's and are still doing things to please your parents, then you really have no business making a decision like getting married, if you cant voice your own beliefs, thoughts adn morals.

zippityb · July 2009

I would personally feel uncomfortable being married in a church that I didn't belong to, but that is just me. I am also a believer that "God is everywhere" and will bless my marriage regardless of where it takes place.

mandysmear · July 2009

I don't know how I feel about it. For us, it didn't feel right getting married in a church, but on that note we wanted to get married in a beautiful building not just a reception hall. and since we were getting married in january we couldn't really plan for outside. We wanted to "rent" a church if they'd allow it. Then just have our marriage commissioner do the service. We did not want to be married by a priest. That in my opinion would be inappropriate since I am pretty much atheist. Then we found our venue and all our worries were gone!

ffmaid · July 2009

As long as it is ok with the church I think it is fine. However I do not see why you would want to get married showing that you have a religious side when that is not the truth of your faith.

pumpkinpumpkin · July 2009

I think it's ridiculous to get married in a church if you 1) are not a member of that religion 2) are not religious at all 3) because you just want to get married in a church.

TheSaltyPeanut · July 2009

We are getting married in a church that we are not members of. FI and I are from different cities, met in collega in a different city, live now in a DIFFERENT city... we chose the big city that is between our two towns that we grew up in. It was weird to call around to different churches, but they all told me that what we wanted to do was pretty common. Not everyone grows up and marries their high school sweet heart

mandysmear · July 2009

Pumpkin I think there's a difference between marrying in a church and being married BY the church.

karenttrouble · July 2009

Yes, I think it's inappropriate.

[Deleted User] · July 2009

i don't think it's appropriate. in fact, it's a mockery imo.

aprilrose975 · July 2009

It is not inappropriate to get married in a church you are not a member of.It is very inappropriate to get married in a church if you go not subscride to any religion. There are a million nonreligious beautiful buildings you could get married in.

TiDa2009 · July 2009

I don't know if I believe in God or not, I honestly never think about it, but FI and his family have belonged to a church in their small town for years. And, although FI isn't religious, we're getting married there. It was important to him not so much for the religious aspect, but because that's the church his parents got married in and the church that performed his dad's funeral. It's more of a family connection for us than a holy one. I don't think it odd if you're not a member of the church, but if you both don't believe in that particular religioun, than, yes it's strange. It's more of a "show", then.

shellydiane820 · July 2009

I think its a little inappropriate. I mean, if you aren't going to the church, and you aren't religious, why are you there?

pumpkinpumpkin · July 2009

I know what you mean, Mandy. Saltypeanut - I think it's okay to get married in a church that you are not a member of - if you are a member/believer of that religion.

ac_in_dc · July 2009

The way you phrase it Amoro, it strikes me as weird. However, the stories that Mag, SaltyPeanut, and Ti Da mention all make sense, none of those reasons for getting married in a church sound weird at all. Mandy's justification strikes me as a little odd, but if she were my friend I'd give her the benefit of the doubt.(like all of you care whether I approve of your church weddings anyway

shellydiane820 · July 2009

I'm curious Mandy, did you guys look into getting married in a church? I mean, when you asked them to rent it out, how did they react?I'm truly curious, because I'm getting married in a Catholic church and my aunt can't do a reading because she's Methodist, and my sister can't stand next to me because she's Atheist.

AmoroAgain · July 2009

See, there's an exception, in my opinion, for people who used to attend a church, but don't just now for various reasons (new, haven't found one they click with yet, etc) because the intention to be a part of a church is there. Personally, I do believe it's a total laugh for people to go in to a church and make promises to each other and to god when they have no idea what the church is, or what that god stands for.

AmoroAgain · July 2009

I'm truly curious, because I'm getting married in a Catholic church and my aunt can't do a reading because she's Methodist, and my sister can't stand next to me because she's Atheist.And that right there, shellydiane, is another reason why I have issues with churches. God tells us to love and respect one another equally, despite our beliefs. What kind of church doesn't allow someone to read a passage because they are baptized differently? Don't they think that being more welcoming of people who have differing belief systems would work out better for them?

goheels05 · July 2009

If you don't belong to the religion of that particular church at all, I think it's shady to get married there. However, there are a lot of circumstances where one might want to be married in a church even though they aren't a member of it, such as if you and your SO are planning on moving after the wedding and THEN seeking out a church in which to become members. DH and I were in that situation, and because of it, the ONLY church we could get married in was the one where I grew up. I understood churches not wanting to marry people who aren't even religious, but I grew up Episcopalian, still attend church regularly, continue to grow in faith together with my husband, contribute actively (not just financially) to our current place of worship, and yet other local Episcopal churches would not allow us to marry there, and it was really frustrating. In the end I'm glad I got married in my home church, even though it did throw us some logistical problems, but at the time it would have been nice to at least have options. I'm sure that situation is far from unique.

[Deleted User] · July 2009

to clarify - i think it's fine to get married in a church you aren't a member of - but that wasn't the question posed. ALSO not subscribing to a religion is a key component that makes it inappropriate, to me.

cdeshane · July 2009

I don't necessarily think so, some people do it to be traditional or respectful to their families.

goheels05 · July 2009

Yeah, I know, I just thought it was worth mentioning because a lot of brides come here with questions about getting married in a church and the discussion almost always gets heated.

shellydiane820 · July 2009

Amoro, it really bothered me. I grew up Methodist (mom's side is Methodist, and Dad was raised Catholic) When fi and me got engaged I decided to take RCIA. I don't mind being Catholic for the most part, I feel like as long as I'm going to Church, and believing in God, its fine.However, I recently had a meeting at the church we're being married at. When we were listing who we wanted for the readings and whatnot, she said "by the way, they all have to be Catholic" I was really upset, because throughout this whole process they have been saying "the blending of two families." Well, I feel like they have completely cut out half of mine. Not to mention, this was important to my aunt, she doesn't have any children, my sister and me are her kids. The wedding coordinator proceeded to tell me "this is the Cathedral, we have a reputation to uphold." I was furious after that.Then, we were up at the alter and the woman was explaining how the alter is the Holiest of Holys, she made a random comment (I didn't even bother to say anything, because what's the point) she said "You don't want an Atheist up here or anything."That really upset me. My sister isn't preachy, she has never talked down to me because I believe in God and she doesn't. And I felt torn, I could not say anything (because how would the church know) but then I think, I don't want to offend God.I sat and talked with my sister, and she was awesome about it. She told me she didn't want me to worry, and its not a big deal.The whole thing just really upset me.That's why I was wondering how a church reacted if Mandy asked them about renting it out.Sorry about the long post.

AmoroAgain · July 2009

Shelly, that was YOUR decision to not include her then. In my opinon (and it's just my opinion and personal, spiritual belief), even when people don't believe in "god" or any sort of higher power, even if it's there, he/she still loves them. We have the ability to think and believe what we would like because that love is great enough to handle anything we do. I'm sorry, but it's terrible to not include someone you love because you're afraid of some sort of nebulous idea that god will be angry with you. Seriously. You think he's going to come down the day of your wedding and smite you all? Ridiculous.Clearly, it's your choice to get married there or not, but not all Catholic churches are that restrictive. I'm really angry that you're allowing this to happen to you.

Hypocrisy or habit?

Re: Hypocrisy or habit?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards