Hypocrisy or habit?

[Deleted User] · July 2009

Then, we were up at the alter and the woman was explaining how the alter is the Holiest of Holys, she made a random comment (I didn't even bother to say anything, because what's the point) she said "You don't want an Atheist up here or anything."well, she's right you know. i'm a pagan-leaning agnostic, and i did a reading at my brother's catholic cathedral wedding. the cathedral isn't there anymore - it made like the house at the end of poltergeist and got sucked into hell thanks to my heathen ways.

shellydiane820 · July 2009

I think its the particular church we are marrying in. If I would have known they were that strict, I wouldn't have picked that church. I have been to other Catholic weddings where the readers weren't Catholic.And I completely understand where you are coming from about it sounding ridiculous. I feel a little ridiculous saying it.And there is that voice in my head saying that it doesn't matter, but there I am...always trying to please others...including God.

wadingmoose · July 2009

Whoa, Shellydianne, are you sure? I mean, I'm not atheist, but I was allowed to be in my brother's catholic wedding (we're not catholic). Of course, you could argue that he's atheist and was allowed to stand up there, but...Also, we didn't stand up with the bride, the bridal party was seated with the rest of the guests. Maybe they were only willing to chance one heathen near the altar?

shellydiane820 · July 2009

All I know is what she said about the alter. I didn't say "Well my sister is Atheist" because I don't like hearing the lecture that goes along with it. I don't care to hear it, bc I love her anyway. The only excuse she really gave me (and this was when I brought up the reading) was "We're the church of the diocese, we have a reputation to uphold."

LauraT25 · July 2009

My parents were married in a Methodist church, even though my mother is Lutheran, because my father is not affiliated with any particular religion, though he does believe in God. My mother's church wouldn't marry them because my father isn't Lutheran, so they had to find a church that would perform the service. Calypso- I would never, ever get married in a church. That doesn't mean I judge people who do so to please their parents, or because it's tradition. If it's because they want a pretty location, that's kind of stupid, but if it's because it's important to their parents, and they care about that, then whatever. I don't think that necessarily means the couple is bending over backwards all the time to please their parents and that they're too immature to get married. Trying to keep the peace, or uphold tradition, doesn't mean you're not standing up for your beliefs. I mean, the state FORCES me to have someone ordained perform the marriage because of stupid antiquated laws about God being part of the marriage, even though it can be a friend who gets ordained in some ridiculous non-denominational church. Does that mean that by getting married, I'm not standing up for my beliefs?

mandysmear · July 2009

We only asked one church and they said they do not rent their church out to the general public. Then we inquired at various christian churches. We were both raised catholic. But, Mike does not follow the religion and I lost my faith about 4 years ago.But, when we inquired the pastors and priests wanted to meet with us and they invited us to go to their mass. And at that point I wasn't comfortable with that. I didn't want to be married religiously. It wouldn't have felt right.So, we were back to the drawing board. We checked out art galleries and someone mentioned a historic site. It never even occured to us. We then found a mansion from the 1800s and we fell in love. I saw it and that night I couldn't sleep because I was so excited for it. Pictures in bio. It was absolutely stunning. And I felt good about it.

AmoroAgain · July 2009

It's still total bullschit, no matter how they try to cover it up Shelly. To me, it's unacceptable that they can/will dictate to you whom you can and cannot choose to support you and show their love by being able to stand with you on the wedding day. In ten years are you going to say, "I'm so glad I didn't have my aunt or sister involved in the wedding. God would have been so angry!" or are you going to say, "I wish I hadn't let the church tell me they weren't allowed to be involved"

shellydiane820 · July 2009

I know, I do agree with you. I think about that, in 10 years, what's really going to matter?Before I leave for work, I just have to say, it felt good to let this out!I was crying (yeah, dramatic I know) about it after that meeting. My family said "Don't worry, its not a big deal" when it is a big deal to me. Then my FILs said "Well, those are the rules."

mandysmear · July 2009

My best friend chose Mike and I for her son's godparents. We think it's funny because we're so not religious. Mike doesn't quite consider himself atheist as he believes in God and stuff. But, yeah. It's pretty funny. She's not really religious either but her son will go to the catholic school in their town. She just wanted to honour us by giving us a special title.

mokabean82 · July 2009

I think people should get married wherever they want. There's no "appropriate" and "inappropriate" in the eyes of God. I may offend some people by saying this, but churches are buildings, and some of them are beautiful buildings, and we should be open and loving enough to welcome everyone into those buildings. I think we have to remember, also, that while some weddings are religious and some couples believe their marriage is grounded in religion, marriage is technically just a legal contract. And at this point in most of the country, millions of couples are still being denied the right to enter into that legal contract! A wedding is a celebration of love and commitment and every couple should be able to celebrate in whatever place they find beautiful and feel comfortable without being judged for their choice.

Calypso1977 · July 2009

To me, it's unacceptable that they can/will dictate to you whom you can and cannot choose to support you and show their love by being able to stand with you on the wedding day. well, they didnt tell her she couldnt have them, they just told her she couldnt have them if she chose to get married in the Church. and even then, the offhanded comment made by the coordinator on the altAr wasnt necessarily a directive, she just made a passing judgment. Honestly, they may not have even asked what the readers beliefs were.as to the other poster, i dont think you should compromise your beliefs just to keep the peace when it comes to things like this. first you do the wedding to please the parents, then what's next? they ask you to baptize your child in whatever faith they think is best? i think at some point you have to decide waht you want to believe and stick with it.

Lucy Milligan · July 2009

It's interesting to me that some of you are saying that people get married in churches by default or to please family, because in my circle, the total norm is to be married outside under a flower altar by somebody who's not affiliated with any religion. My FI and I are getting married in the Episcopal church in my parents town, which is a total shock/throwback. I've never been quite sure of my beliefs in God, but I have always been drawn to the Episcopal church because I grew up attending and find the rituals a very comforting and spiritual experience. I also like the Episcopal church because, at least here in SoCal, congregations tend to be very welcoming and tolerant, and emphasize the "God is love" and Golden Rule philosophies. No effing way would I get married in a church that looked down on my wonderful, beautiful (and amazing invitation designing, it must be said) lesbian sister.I had always wanted to get married in a church because I take marriage really seriously and wanted us to say our vows in a sacred place and know that our marriage would be truly blessed. A nice side bonus is the premarital counseling, which we probably wouldn't have sought out on our own. Between these desires and my connection to the Episcopal church, it was a no brainer.Of course, my FI doesn't care either way, he just wants to marry me. He's a bit sour on religion because his mother is very strictly Catholic and he never connected to the faith, but he's grinning and bearing it along with me and I'm very thankful for that!Some of you probably think this is inappropriate, but above all I think religion is very personal and as long as you're not being mercenary about it (the whole pretty building thing) and taking it seriously, you can get married wherever is most meaningful to you.

LauraT25 · July 2009

I think it's just very personal whether you choose to get married in a church or not. And Calypso, I do see your point. And I do agree - people suggested to me at various stages that it would be 'easier' to get married in a church and I basically said that not only was that unappealing to me, but then it starts a whole domino effect - I actually used the example of baptizing children, in fact. That being said, my point is just that I won't judge someone else for doing it. If they make that decision, they will have to deal with the consequences and future decisions, where to draw the line, etc. But I just don't feel it warrants someone saying that they have no business getting married.

ThePinkSuperhero · July 2009

I'm a member of a church, and every year we see couples come "church shopping". They attend a few times before their wedding in our beautiful building, and then you never see them again. I think that's weird- the best part of a church, if you're at the right church, is the people you meet when you're there. To use a church for just as a backdrop for your wedding seems like a waste to me. But I know that people have complicated feelings about their religious backgrounds, and I think even if you don't go to church regularly, you can still feel strongly about whatever ties you do have to your faith.

goheels05 · July 2009

Well, we "church shopped," but we weren't looking for a church to get married in, we were looking for a church to become members of. I could tell people thought we were just looking for a church to get married in. In fact, someone who worked in my building was a member of a church we attended one Sunday and tried to "call me out" on it, and it was kind of uncomfortable. Maybe if people wouldn't have assumed that and had been more polite/welcoming to us, we would have attended regularly.

Hypocrisy or habit?

Re: Hypocrisy or habit?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards