Please, if anyone can offer me some advice I'd so sincerely appreciate it as I do not know what to do about my grandma attending my wedding.
First of all, she 81 and lives an hour and a half away in a nursing home because she can no longer take care of herself and my family cannot afford 24/7 in home healthcare. My uncle lives in the same town and visits her daily, my mom also drives to visit her weekly. I visit about once a month... I love my grandma and am very close with her.
The problem began because my mom and my uncle both really don't want to bring her to the wedding. They know it means a lot to both me and her, however, it will be a huge strain on them during the wedding. I thought they were just trying to not deal with the hassle of getting her ready and to the wedding. Although now the real reason has came out, and that's that they are worried about her having a severe diarrhea accident (which happens often) either on the drive there, back or at the actual ceremony. My mom is afraid that she will have diarrhea and sit in it (because she does that when she makes a mess) and the entire chapel will be able to smell it (and trust me, it is bad). Then my mom would have to leave and miss the ceremony (which will infuriate her) to take my grandma to the bathroom....
Here's the next problem, if they don't have a handicap toilet, my grandma won't be able to use the bathroom anyway because she does not have the strength to get up off a regular toilet. Even if they do have that type of bathroom, it will no doubt be a mess (as it always is) and we probably won't get our deposit back from the chapel. I don't worry about this on a normal basis because if we take her anywhere, its just down the road to the diner... not an hour and a half trip plus an hour at the chapel, and the trip back.
My mom lied to me earlier this week and told me to not be surprised if she doesn't come because she won't get herself ready and may not remember the wedding at all. Plus if she's not ready when my uncle comes to pick her up, he will leave her (my family is like that, crazy). Therefore I called her and told her I would give a reminder call to get ready an hour or so before he is supposed to pick her up. Well, come to find out, my mom and uncle were just planning on leaving her behind and not mentioning the wedding anymore to her at all, which I think is mean. However, it is a lot to put on them and I know my mom would be devastated if she missed the wedding because she had to take care of a mess... however one would even do that at this sort of place.
So now that I know why they were intending on not bringing her, I am completely stressed out and don't know how to handle this. I really want my grandma to be there and I know she wants to be too, but I also understand my mom and uncle's position, and I also don't want my beautiful ceremony to be overtaken and ruined by the smell of diarrhea.
PLEASE HELP!!!