South Asian Weddings

Hello! New here...

Hi Ladies!My FI and I got engaged about a month ago, and I just joined the knot.  I imagine I'll be spending a lot of time on this board, so I thought I'd introduce myself.  My FI and his family are from India while I am about as Caucasian as you can get :-)  I don't know much about Indian weddings (going to my first one this winter though, and it will also be my first trip to India... very excited!), so I'm probably going to need lots of advice.  We have a long time to go until we get married, but it never hurts to start browsing for ideas I guess.So, um.... Hi there!
«1

Re: Hello! New here...

  • katie978katie978 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Welcome!!  & Congratulations!!  Glad you're here!  Where will the wedding be?
  • edited December 2011
    The wedding will be here in the U.S.  My FI doesn't want a big Indian wedding, so we'll probably go with a small Western style ceremony/reception here. But I think it would be nice to find ways to incorporate his culture into the wedding in other ways. Either way, we'll definitely have a reception at some point in India for his family and friends.  Assuming, of course, that we don't just elope...haha.
  • edited December 2011
    congrats!!  this is a wonderful board with fabulous ladies who will have tons of advice for you along the way.   welcome!
  • Meghana55Meghana55 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Congrats and welcome!  This board was so great for my planning.  You'll get a ton of great ideas on mixing different cultures and traditions!
  • edited December 2011
    Hi and welcome!  Where in the US will your wedding be?  There are lots of girls here from NY/NJ and DC so if you're in any of those metro areas, you'll get plenty of vendor reccommendations, etc.  What part of India is your FI from? 
  • edited December 2011
    Welcome -- this is the best board on The Knot! At least I think so :-) You'll get great advice here and the ladies are super supportive! What part of India is your FI from?
  • ring_popring_pop member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Congrats and welcome! I'm also in a mixed relationship (FI is Indian, I'm Chinese as you can see from my siggy pic) and we're also having a mainly western wedding but with some touches of both of our cultures. Good luck planning yours and feel free to ask for ideas & inspiration!
    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker
    Baby #2: Surprise BFP 9.19.12, EDD 5.24.13, natural m/c 10.19.13 at 9w
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks for the welcome everyone! My FI is from Calcutta.  I'm finally going to visit this winter and his best friend is getting married there.  So I'll get to see a big, 3-day long Bengali wedding celebration while I'm there. We still haven't decided where our wedding will be yet.  We'd like to get married in NYC (where FI lives now), but we don't think we can afford it (NYC on 10k, anyone?).  We've lately been talking about a mini-destination wedding somewhere in New England (Adirondacks? VT? NH?).  If anyone has some good ideas for that, let me know! We have a lot of things up in the air right now.  We're both in grad school, and an unfortunate aspect of my program is that there isn't a set graduation date.  I may finish by May 2010 and be able to get married next summer, but I may need 6 extra months.  And because of his parent's schedule, it's either May/June 2010 or 2011.So right now we are planning on June 2011 to give us time to save money.  Thankfully, that gives us plenty of time to browse different wedding locations.  Although, I almost wish I was attached to the idea of a wedding in one place over another.  It would make the decision so much easier! Haha. In any case, we both should have a better idea of where things stand in a couple months.  Whew.  I'm more long winded than I thought... yikes!Anyway, I look forward to chatting with all of you!
  • edited December 2011
    Congrats on your engagement.  The girls here are great-lots of good advice, fun ideas, and a great place to vent!  Deciding a place and date is the hardest imo...sorry I am no help of places in the areas you mentioned. 
    ExerciseMilestone
  • edited December 2011
    Yes welcome! These girls are great and they answer to quickly! When you have time go through the SA bios for inspiration and you can look up indian wedding traditions online. It took me a few hours to get through some bios but I am still not done! they keep getting better and better. Also it might seem weird but I learned a lot about it from TV shows like Platinum weddings and such (not that you spend that much but they give you an idea of how it looks and what happens) I bet you can find old episodes online. I am SA but not indian so our traditions are very different. It can get overwhelming but remember to take time, breath, roll with the punches and vent here anytime!!! these girls are your online shoulder to cry on! (hopefully no tears but ya never know...it happens)
  • edited December 2011
    Oh yeah im in grad school too! *high five* for a long engagement! It's never too early to start planning....trust me.
  • erin&andyerin&andy member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Oh, congrats!! These girls are the best!!  I'm a whitey McWhiterson too, so it's been so helpful to have these girls here to guide me through the process.  Please don't hesitate to ask us anything!Ooh, and I'm jealous that you get to go to India!! It's going to be so helpful because you can probably get a lot of your clothes and jewelry there and duh - you get to see India!!
  • Meghana55Meghana55 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    NYC on a 10K budget would be very difficult, but not impossible!  You could always venture into NJ for some more budget friendly venues/vendors.  There are a bunch of NY/NJ brides here (me included!) so you'll get some great tips!
  • edited December 2011
    A little bit of very unsolicited advice here - hope I'm not overstepping.  I have no idea what your fi's immigration status us.  But, my fi is also an Indian grad student - he's on an F1 visa.  Anyway, as we're going through this wedding adventure, I'm learning that with an F1 marrying a citizen there are all sorts of VERY weird rules about when/if/how you can travel abroad in the months before and after the wedding.  They also affect how/when/where you get married should you change your mind on an Indian ceremony.  I thought I'd mention it since you appear to be in a similar boat and are planning to go to India.  I know a lot of immigration attorneys will give free consults hoping you use them if you file for your fi's green card.  You may want to give one or two of them a call just to plan things and make sure you don't run into these bizarre rules.  AILA - the American Immigration Law Association - has a directory of immigration attorneys.Good luck with the planning and welcome!!!    
  • Meghana55Meghana55 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    sistergh - You're right on the travel restrictions but I'm not sure what you mean about how/when you're getting married.  I actually work in the field (not an attorney though), so if you (or snoozyfish, if applicable) have any questions, you can email me at mandv.wedding09 at gmail dot com
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks sister and meghana.  I appreciate the advice. We've already started looking into it, and we realize that after we get married here that he can't leave the country until he gets his green card, which can take up to a year.  He is here on an F1, and the research I've done tells me that we can get married any time we want without filing paperwork (because he's already legally in the country), but the weird rules and restrictions kick in after we get married. So our reception in India may be a year after we get married, but hey, it's better than nothing.One of his cousins here is a laywer (although not in immigration), but he's offered to give us a recommendation for one.  And we also know a couple people who've recently gone through this process who've offered to help.  I'm sure it will still be a PIA though.But if we have any other questions, I'll definitely ask.  Thanks for your email address meghana.
  • Meghana55Meghana55 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    No problem!  Seems like you guys are pretty well informed!  :-)  Just want to caution you to NOT google this stuff.  Most of the websites out there are completely wrong.  And do not read blogs - you will be horribly misinformed!    GL!
  • edited December 2011
    I got married in NYC and if you're having a dual ceremony or two different ceremonies, it's just really hard to keep costs under control, unfortunately.  Now, you can have a wedding for like 50 people for $10k, of course, but that's kind of impossible when you're dealing with ever-expanding desi families!  We cut a TON of corners (bought my western dress at RK Bridal, had DIY centerpieces, no limo, DIY invitations and had our western reception at a non-traditional venue).  But it was still expensive (we splurged on food and booze).  That said, our Hindu ceremony was at the temple in Queens and we had 150ish people at that and I think it cost my ILs $6 or $7k.  A lot of money, of course, if you're already having a western ceremony/reception, but that included breakfast, mango lassis during the ceremony, the priest, the stage, and an amazing vegetarian buffet.  No booze, of course.  So if you want a bare-bones Hindu ceremony with awesome food (but no booze or chandeliers or ice sculptures or anything) you could do that.For non-Indian-specific vendors that are budget friendly, definitely let me know if you want info.  I was super super happy with our florist (Designs by Rose -- NY budget knottie favorite), DJ (Colorblind Productions) and our western reception caterer (Second Helpings in Brooklyn).
  • edited December 2011
    I am an attorney, though I DON'T practice in immigration, so don't take this as legal advice from me.  Please contact someone, because everyone's situation is different.  But I get lots of advice from immigration colleagues in my firm and folks I know from the legal community.  What they tell me about my situation is FI doesn't have to wait a year to travel if he files for something called Advance Parole when he tries to adjust status.  This usually takes around 2-3 months, but we're not planning any trip out of the US for at least 4-5 months to be safe.  As for the before part, a student visa is a nonimmigrant visa, which means that every time someone enters the US on that nonimmigrant visa they need to have nonimmigrant intent.  The USCIS tends to assume that if you marry a citizen or perhaps even have definite plans to marry a citizen that you don't have nonimmigrant intent.  (This tends to come up more with folks that come in on tourist visas, but F1 students are in the same category as tourists technically.)  So, if someone enters the country, even if not for the first time, on a nonimmigrant visa on, say, July 1, and then marries a citizen on July 15, the USCIS folks tend to assume that the person lied about their intent when they entered on July 1.  Immigration attorneys ask their clients talk to them before planning travel around when they want to get married, even if it's before, because it could lead to serious problems at the green card stage or maybe at the airport.  As for the where and how, since the student visa is a nonimmigrant visa, we can't get married in India first because fi wouldn't be able to re-enter on his student visa.  The student visa is nonimmigrant, and since he'd be married to a citizen, USCIS would think he had immigrant intent when entering on a nonimmigrant visa, which is a big no-no with them.  Again, this is advice I've been given by others that's specific to me, but I would suggest talking to someone.       
  • edited December 2011
    Hi and welcome! FI and I are also going through an immigration process also. I work in immigration with F-1 students, so if you have any questions, I might be able to offer some advice. :-) Also visajourney.com is a great resource.
  • edited December 2011
    And, to echo what meghana said, please don't rely on googling, or even what friends and family say or what other folks got away with.   I'm constantly calling colleagues to ask them about something fi heard from some friend and they often debunk it.  And there are always folks who "get away" with doing things other ways.  But for me it's not worth the risk that I'll get that one cranky USCIS person who's having a bad day and fi will have to leave the country for some years.  
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks again for the great advice ladies. Sister: Yeah, that's pretty much what I've heard already.  That's why we plan to get married here first, file all the paperwork, and do the India wedding (vow renewal?)/reception after the green card comes through. It's not the most convenient thing in the world, but it's the reality. We're also not planning on exactly advertising the fact that we're engaged when we travel this winter, but I am a little worried about making it back through immigration at the airport.We'll be getting married about a year and a half after we get back from this trip, but I think you're right that we should talk to a lawyer before we go... just in case.Thankfully, his family isn't pushing for an Indian ceremony, they just want to throw a party at some point.  I think I've lucked out with the FILs.
  • edited December 2011
    But for me it's not worth the risk that I'll get that one cranky USCIS person who's having a bad day and fi will have to leave the country for some yearsYeah, I worry about that too.  I hate all this red tape and paperwork.
  • Meghana55Meghana55 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    the ONLY website I would recommend is uscis.gov.  ALL others will give you a wide range of information that is more than often wrong.  Everyone has a different experience and those websites often depict very unrealistic outcomes because of the few who got lucky.  Stick to reputable immigration attorneys and uscis.gov because the last thing you would want is for your FI to get caught up with trouble that could have been easily avoided.   Sorry if that seems overly harsh.  We have clients every day who claim they heard something from a friend or a random visa/immigration website and it often leads to a great deal of trouble and us having to dig them out of the huge hole they've put themselves in!
  • edited December 2011
    Oh, and I know not to rely on google for stuff this important.  I've pretty much stuck to government websites to get all of this info.  And I guess I'll be talking to FI tonight about when we can go see a lawyer.
  • edited December 2011
    Meghana: Oh yes, uscis.gov and I have been spending a lot of time together lately.
  • Meghana55Meghana55 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    LOL - yea I have a serious love/hate relationship with that site.  I have to reference it all the time and it's not very user friendly but it's the only place you can get proper information haha. 
  • edited December 2011
    Ask your attorney about the advance parole option.  That way you don't have to wait a year or more to go to India.  (It may also be helpful if you want to travel abroad for something other than the Indian reception.) We're doing something in India next year, and I get the feeling it's going to be a full-blown third ceremony, possibly one of these 12-hour ones like one of fi's sisters had.  (We're already doing Hindu and Chrisitan ceremonies here.)  I'm completely jealous of your reception-only plan.   
  • edited December 2011
    it's not very user friendly No kidding!  I spent three hours on there one day just trying to download all the forms I think we'll need.
  • edited December 2011
    Ask your attorney about the advance parole optionI will. Although I read on one of the government websites that even getting the advance parole isn't a guarantee of being let back into the country. I'm a little "risk-adverse", so right now we're planning on playing it safe.I've actually been surprised by how much my FI doesn't want a full Indian wedding ceremony, and the fact that his parent's don't seem to care either.  FI actually wants a small wedding (read: less than 50), which I'm totally happy about. And the FILs said they just want to be there, even if we just go to the courthouse to sign papers.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards