Guests wearing white

TuffysMommie · March 2010

This sorta falls under a couple of other posts I saw today, but I just thought I'd start a new post.

I understand that good manners says that a guest should not wear white. However, I was always under the assumption that the "white" being worn by the guest should look NOTHING like a wedding dress - or specifically, the bride's dress. If the setting is appropriate, why wouldn't a white suit be view as ok? What about off white/light tan?

If the intentions of a guest wearing white are clearly to steal thunder from the bride, then it is obviously not cool. But, there are some dresses that a guest could wear that either include white, are mostly white, etc - but would never be confused as a bridal gown. Are all of those off limits too?

I'll even take it a step further - I'm more "offended" (that isn't the right word - judge-y maybe is) that guests will wear a black dress. Like, all black, black cocktail dress, no other added color/decorations/whatever. To me and in my culture/family history/background/some friends, black is not a "happy, joyous" wedding color and is not at all appropriate to wear to a wedding, which is a "happy, joyous" occasion.

As a result, I would be less "offended" if a guest was in white, than if they were in black.

Why is the color white considered to be "so" wrong for a wedding (again, just a white dress/dress that has white elements, and not a "slap in the face" bridal look-white dress) and black ok?

Maybe it's just a cultural choice/definition? Would anyone here ever wear white? Would anyone here ever not wear black?

(For the record, I have never worn a white dress to a wedding. I don't even think I own a white dress. But, I also do not own an all-black LBD cocktail dress, and don't plan on it any time soon either.)

kewltif · March 2010

Culture- you hit in the nail on the head.

In my "culture" (if I can call it that, maybe more of my friends and family) it is innapropriate to wear a white dress. I think a white suit would be fine, but sort of an odd fashion statement.

I wear black dresses to weddings all the time. My entire bridal party was in black. It does not offend me.

Laurms15 · March 2010

I'm not offended by black but I know my grandmother is. However I am a little offended by white I wouldn't do it to anyone else. It just bugs me. Who knows what the bride will wear. My aunt was married a second time and wore a white suit and I've had friends do the short white wedding dress thing for a casual wedding. I just stay away from it altogether.

kasabby · March 2010

I think it has been one of those things that has been passed down from generation to generation and people just go with it.

People tend to wear black more because I feel like black makes people think "elegant" or "classy".

I wouldn't care if someone wore white or black really.

kewltif · March 2010

I wear black because it's sliming and easy to match existing accessories too.

Karma01 · March 2010

Apparently someone wore white to my wedding, I thought it was silver they all told me it was white. Honestly didn't bother me, but I personally wouldn't do it. All my bridesmaid dresses wore black.

NJMom050911 · March 2010

I wouldn't wear white to a wedding, but I have worn black. I wouldn't mind people wearing black but if someone wears white I will give them the evil eye....No, just kidding, I don't think I'll even notice

Julephenia · March 2010

I'm very superstitious, and if someone wore all black to my wedding (as opposed to a black suit/tux with a non-black shirt), I would be a little put off.

I don't think anyone in my circle would wear all white to a wedding... and, frankly, I don't think anyone could out AW me on my own wedding day, so it doesn't matter!

melissa82 · March 2010

I pretty much always wear black to weddings. I actually don't think I've ever NOT worn black, but they've all been evening weddings also. If I were invited to, say, a summer daytime wedding I might go with something a little brighter. And at all these weddings, I would estimate that 75% of the women were also wearing black. It doesn't offend me, it's the norm for me. (And typically my "culture" doesn't wear black to weddings...my mom and grandma both refused to wear black to our wedding. But it's more something that the older generations feel strongly about.)

I personally wouldn't be "offended" if someone had worn white to our wedding. But I wouldn't wear it to someone else's wedding and I'd definitely give the side eye to another guest who did. I've been told that white/ivory is reserved for the bride...not that a white outfit would it would be confused for a bridal gown.

melissa82 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_guests-wearing-white?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:c10c4ac5-5c65-466f-8b2a-eb6b12c381c0Post:6fe42427-1266-448f-9bd3-77285fd76476">Re: Guests wearing white</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm very superstitious, and if someone wore all black to my wedding (as opposed to a black suit/tux with a non-black shirt), I would be a little put off.
Posted by Julephenia[/QUOTE]

Have you not been to many weddings in NJ? I said this in my last post, but I really think MOST women wear black dresses these days.

uppereastgirl · March 2010

I mentioned this the other day when a similar topic came up on the Nest, but thought you might enjoy -- I was looking at a coworker's wedding website the other day (it was a link on her blog even though her wedding was like a year ago). Under "Attire" in the wedding details, she had written "Dress is semi-formal. Ladies, please do not wear white or off-white dresses in solids or prints." Yikes.

I'm not a huge fan of wearing black to weddings, but I will definitely do it if the wedding is formal and at night and the venue is right for it. I think it would be appropriate at many Saturday night weddings at NJ reception halls/hotels, particularly during colder months.

It didn't bother me at all but I was kind of surprised by the people who wore black to our wedding, particularly long black dresses -- quite a few of our guests from Long Island did. We hadn't specified attire (I wasn't going to ask for something made up and confusing like "country club formal" or "summer elegant", and I figured that 4:30 pm reception in a tent at a country club during the summer would mean nice sundresses or a little fancier than that for most people (and we did have quite a few people in seersucker and the like). But then I realized that they knew not nearly as much about our venue and such as we did, and probably just dressed for what was appropriate at most of the weddings they've gone to.

kewltif · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_guests-wearing-white?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:c10c4ac5-5c65-466f-8b2a-eb6b12c381c0Post:7088d868-1e3c-43a0-a46a-58b93217624c">Re: Guests wearing white</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guests wearing white : Have you not been to many weddings in NJ? I said this in my last post, but I really think MOST women wear black dresses these days.
Posted by melissa82[/QUOTE]

I was thinking the same thing! You're going to be offended by a lot of your guests!

Black is just so easy. In all honesty, I have tried to brighten up my wardrobe because half the things I own are black.

Victoria, for a 4:30 tented reception I would think to wear a short cocktail dress. I don't think I would have worn a sundress but definitely not an ankle length gown either. It's funny you say that though, because I feel like a lot of girls on here have 10:30 am Sunday weddings and then say, "I want it to be black tie."

uppereastgirl · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://northjersey.weddings.com/main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_guests-wearing-white?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:c10c4ac5-5c65-466f-8b2a-eb6b12c381c0Post:b491b6a1-557a-4d02-b9f6-7feea12c260b">Re: Guests wearing white</a>:
[QUOTE] It's funny you say that though, because I feel like a lot of girls on here have 10:30 am Sunday weddings and then say, "I want it to be black tie."
Posted by kewltif[/QUOTE]

<div>Flameworthy confession: I hate weddings like that! I've gone to tons of those on LI. If your wedding is during the day, particularly a Sunday and particularly in the summer, I just don't think it should be black tie! I swear that people think that their wedding will be more impressive or expensive-seeming if it is black tie, even if it is a PITA for the guests or not really appropriate for the place or time.</div>

kewltif · March 2010

People just get really hung up on attire! I guess I don't have the problem in my circle of people not knowing how to dress. I didn't feel the need to make it "black tie" to know that men would show up in suits and women would show up in appropriate dresses. I have been to weddings where I have seen people in jeans, but I think those people would wear jeans regardless of the dress code.

Karma01 · March 2010

I too have worn black to every wedding I have been too

felicia220 · March 2010

I honestly don't care what color people wear. White doesn't bother me and I have spread the word to everyone that if they would like to wear white, GO FOR IT (My wedding is in June on the beach, so white would work) Anyway, My mother is my MOH and I actually asked her to wear white.

As for black dresses, I don't always wear black I like to wear color, But i have been to weddings were I wore a colored patterned dress and aside from the BM. I was the ONLY person wearing a colored dress. Out of 150 people and probably 80 women, I repeat the ONLY person wearing color. I felt a little weird but then I had a glass of wine and got over it.

Julephenia · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_guests-wearing-white?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:c10c4ac5-5c65-466f-8b2a-eb6b12c381c0Post:7088d868-1e3c-43a0-a46a-58b93217624c">Re: Guests wearing white</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guests wearing white : Have you not been to many weddings in NJ? I said this in my last post, but I really think MOST women wear black dresses these days.
Posted by melissa82[/QUOTE]

Oh, I've been to weddings in NJ. But pretty much everyone who knows me, knows that I have some weird superstitions. (Actress...)

Quite a lot of my friend and family weddings have been daytime, as well, so black wasn't the best option. Ours will be during the day, and I certainly expect many of my friends to wear color - one friend had a daytime wedding at the Crystal Plaza, and nearly all of us wore some kind of color (even if it was navy blue).

I'll get over it, if someone wears black to my wedding. I just don't think they will. It's not the thing in my family.

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