Wedding Etiquette Forum

Give me a slap and tell me to get over it

Due to some unplanned financial events (stupid bank!), we have to cut some of the nice extras that we were going to have.  Mainly, we're cutting out the ketubah that we were having custom designed for us.  We're not Jewish, but I thought it was a lovely sentiment that we could have in the house to remind us of our vows and the day we got married.  I'm having a really hard time writing the email to cancel it. :(  Give me the slapping I need?

Re: Give me a slap and tell me to get over it

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  • You're not Jewish, there is no need for a custom made ketubah.  I would slap you just for my own fun.  Judaic connections was reasonable and fast [url]http://www.judaicconnection.com/[/url]  I think it works out better, the meaning of a ketubah is very serious and is a contract to protect the bride in marriage, maintain a Jewish lifestyle, and always remember the Torah in the home.  What is the purpose of having that if you are not Jewish? 
  • You're not Jewish! :)
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  • You don't need another reminder of your wedding.  You're going to have pictures, video, rings, your FI...Just think of it as one less thing to move when you guys leave Italy!
  • We had a wedding rug that we stood on for the ceremony. My parents are holding onto it but once we buy our house it will be placed at the entrance to the bedroom door to remind ourselves that on that rug we said our vows.We had a special one but you could always get a cheap but pretty rug and do that :)cancel woman, cancel the extra expensive things.
  • E, I even talked to you about this before I did it to find out if it was offensive to get one when we're not Jewish.  Didn't have an issue with it then....Anyway, I just feel bad because the guy has already started working on it.  Oh well. 
  • Also, the custom made one is cheaper than any I found online.
  • It isn't offensive but what is the point?  As a Jew, I am not offended by you having a ketubah, I just think it is stupid because you don't understand the meaning of it and there is no reason you have one since you are not Jewish.  Go ahead, give my people business and spend a few hundred dollars just a piece of paper, because in your situation that is what it is, just a piece of paper. 
  • Katie - LOVE the rug idea!  What a beautiful sentiment.
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  • You are such a biitch E.  Paper has the significance that you put into it, and yes, it may be stupid to you, but I thought it was a beautiful tradition that I wanted to incorporate into my wedding.  So, thanks for being your usual self, and making someone feel stupid.
  • You don't have to give up on the idea forever, why don't you do it for your first anniversary or something?

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  • I am not being a biitch at all, that is the solid truth.  You do not understand the purpose or meaning of a ketubah.  It is a serious contract as I said.  It is a beautiful tradition yes, but for Jewish weddings.  If you have a ketubah, it is like a stock certificate, it gets lost and your marriage is null.  You have to have another ceremony and new signing, if you want a get(divorce), you must produce the ketubah and systematically review each line and dispute if your marriage wasn't kept under these terms.  Have you even read the Aramaic and Hebrew translations before?  This is just as idiotic as Parker having a chuppah because they are pretty.  Neither of you understand the purpose or the meaning, there is no reason to minimize the importance of these Jewish tradition for your own selfish purpose.    There are anniversary ketubot but they are usually for much older couples or renewing their vows. 
  • I did a lot of research on them when I thinking about it.  If you recall, I asked you about them, what they meant, etc.  I took your word as "Knower of all things Jewish" about what they meant, so yes, I realize what they are for. 
  • This knower of all things Jewish has a degree in Judaic Studies.  I explained the meaning in hopes you would drop it.  It is senseless to still be interested even after knowing they do not apply to you.   
  • Maybe it's just me, but if the purpose of the ketubah is, for you, symbolic and not religious and is more about what you put into it than what it is ... why do you need it to be a real ketubah?  Could you instead draft and create your own contract on really nice paper (maybe some of that paper that's from flower seeds that I see on Etsy)?  That's what I suggest, or try to replace it with another symbol of your day and your commitment.  I love the rug idea.  I might try to use a version if it on the beach in Maui - a bamboo mat that we keep?  a towel?  We'll see.  :)I think the bottom line is that it sucks, but we can't have every meaningful thing we wanted, so you'll have to replace this with something else.  The day and the commitment will still be meaninful.Carrie
  • I don't think it's a stupid idea at all, but i"m still slapping you to email the dude since you need to cut stuff out.  I also think you could do something similar on your own that would have just as much meaning to you two. Also, I thought chuppahs were used in several different religious ceremonies, just not with the same meaning necessarily?  I could be wrong and certainly don't know that much about them, but I do know that at least one Catholic church in St. Louis has a built in chuppah. Maybe it's not the same thing. 
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  • I am slapping you for not switching banks.  Although, its a light slap since you're several thousand miles away and its a royal PITA.Any chance you can give up something else?  Do really cheap meals until the wedding?  Don't go out to eat at all?  Incorporate a Catholic tradition, give something up, Lent style, for 40 days.  Wine for 40 days could add up.  Or, incorporate an Irish tradition.  Buy a pretty crystal bell, when you see it and ring it you will be reminded of your vows.  There are tons of religious and cultural traditions that don't have to cost much but have just as much meaning as the one you picked.What country is your FI from?  Google that country's traditions, incorporate one.  Sorry if I'm rambling, I have mushy brain from way too much peppermint schnapps last night.
  • By the way, I don't see this being any different than the many Jewish friends I have celebrating Christmas because they think its a nice tradition.  Who cares, to each their own, if it doesn't impact your life.
  • Monkey, we would, seeing as how this is the SECOND TIME those bastards have done it, but it would be incredibly complicated and take a really long time.  I might look into it when I'm home after the wedding though.But yeah, I didn't think it was a horrible thing to do either.  FI is American through and through. :)  Maybe I'll look into Italian wedding traditions.  Though, those seem to mainly revolve around food and money.  Hmm.
  • is the design written in hebrew? what is the text? we had a beautiful piece of artwork made with our vows.  maybe you could do something like that? http://tinyurl.com/65ubdh
  • Daf, that is beautiful.
  • Daff, that really is beautiful.  That's pretty much what we were going for.
  • OMG girl you DO need to get slapped! Who the F has a ketubah when they aren't even Jewish? WTF. *SMACK SMACK SMACK*
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