Late engagement party

acuity · August 2009

I have been engaged for three years now and the wedding is still just under two years away (Jul 16, 2011!). When I first got engaged the news was not taken well or respected by many people so it was never announced in the newspaper or celebrated in any way (except by my fiance and I, of course). A year before the wedding I plan to announce our engagement in the newspaper, but I would love to have an engagement party as well. Is this appropriate, considering that everyone already knows we're engaged and it is no longer new and exciting news to anyone?

sucrets4 · August 2009

I wouldn't...

MissSarah786 · August 2009

3 years is excessive. I personally think 6 months is pushing it.

EmmaBride2B · August 2009

Well, you can't plan your own e-party anyways. And since you've been engaged for three years, yeah, it's not likely someone will offer.

acuity · August 2009

Well, to answer why, I'd have to say to celebrate it with 'everyone' now that our relationship is finally accepted. It hasn't exactly been easy up until now, as my parents are Chinese and weren't fond of the fact that my fiance is Caucasian. I'm not thinking of anything formal involving gifts or anything like that. I mean just a casual get together, hosted by my fiance and myself, of family and close friends, finally honoring our engagement with a good time and the title of being an engagement party.

MissIntentional · August 2009

if someone wants to do it for you great.

MissSarah786 · August 2009

Engagement parties aren't gift giving occasions. If someone would like to throw you a party, then go for it, but it's not necessary and with three years in so far you may have a low turnout.

ggmae · August 2009

My friends were engaged in September 2008 and are having an e-party this month. I think it comes across as gift grabby if it's any later than 6-8 months after the proposal.

ggmae · August 2009

Sarah - I've heard that but my friends threw us an e-party and everyone brought gifts. I guess in some areas gifts are given.

acuity · August 2009

Oh, well I had always heard of people bringing gifts to engagement parties. As a guest, I personally would.

temerityjane · August 2009

Regardless of whether the engagement was 3 years ago or yesterday, you still can't plan a party in your own honor, especially if you consider it a gift giving occasion as you just indicated.

acuity · August 2009

What! I said I didn't want gifts!

MissSarah786 · August 2009

I actually had guests Google "engagement parties" and found that they weren't gift giving events. They only brought this up because some people did bring gifts.

ggmae · August 2009

How about just a plain ol' party? No mention of engagement.

MissSarah786 · August 2009

I just think it's all around in poor taste. It's been three years, everyone knows, there's no need to toast to it.

temerityjane · August 2009

But you just said that you would bring a gift to an engagement party, so you do consider it a gift giving occasion, even if you don't personally want any. And it is still a party in your honor. I agree with PPs - just throw a general get together and don't call it an engagement party at all and you should be fine.

MissSarah786 · August 2009

Wait unitl the Superbowl and then throw a party - yay!

acuity · August 2009

I meant I would bring a gift to a formal engagement party. Someone above said this is more of a get-together and that's definitely closer to what I'm thinking of. However, I honestly don't see the faux pas in hosting a get-together in honor of my own engagement if I'm just throwing a party for everyone to have a good time at.

sucrets4 · August 2009

Ditto everyone else. You can't say that you're having an eparty and then say "no gifts"...because mentioning gifts at all is just rude.

sucrets4 · August 2009

then throw a kickass party, but don't mention 'engagement' anywhere in the invite. problem solved!

acuity · August 2009

I don't really understand why so many people on this forum speak so condescendingly... Nevertheless, thanks for taking the time to provide some input.

SparrowSong · August 2009

You shouldn'r throw a party in honor of yourself. It's weird. It's double weird to announce that the party is because you got engaged three years ago and are getting married two years from now. I really don't think either of those events are a blip on anyone's radar at this point.Some things you just have to give up when things aren't done by the traditional time-line. I think the traditional engagement party is one of them.

temerityjane · August 2009

sucrets is right. You can't say "no gifts" because mentioning gifts at all indicates that you were expecting gifts. Throwing yourself a party in your honor is a well-known etiquette faux pas. You can HAVE a party. You just shouldn't call it an engagement party. Would you throw your own bridal shower? It's the same thing.

MissSarah786 · August 2009

"Condescending on internet forums"I shall add that to my list of talents.

temerityjane · August 2009

People here may come across as condescending because people come here and ask for etiquette advice, and when the standard etiquette is given to them, they come up with explanation after explanation about why it doesn't apply to their special situation. Why do you ask if you already know what you want to do?

sucrets4 · August 2009

Wow, people really weren't that mean/condescending...you obviously haven't lurked.If you want to have a gtg with your families, go for it, but don't mention your engagement. Sarah's idea of a superbowl party is a great one...it's a non forced time for your fams to mingle.

EmmaBride2B · August 2009

[IMG]<a href="http://tinyurl.com/kqooon" rel='nofollow'>http://tinyurl.com/kqooon</a>[/IMG]

EmmaBride2B · August 2009

But CS, her situation, is like, totally different.

temerityjane · August 2009

But you guys, the engagement was three years ago and no one was excited enough and the wedding is still two years away so no one is paying attention to the fact that her special day is coming! Don't you know she needs this party to get what's DUE to her? Geeze.

sucrets4 · August 2009

[url]<a href="http://talk.theknot.com/boards/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=61616139&forumid=9" rel='nofollow'>http://talk.theknot.com/boards/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=61616139&forumid=9</a>[/url]

gottahavashorti · August 2009

You asked whether it was appropriate to throw yourself an engagement party. The answer was no, and you were given the reasons. None of them were condescending.If all you really want is just want a casual party with close friends and family, why not follow the suggestions that have said just that?

Late engagement party

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