People bringing a guest when they weren't invted.

juliaweddell · July 2009

HiSo I didn't "and guest" people to the wedding that are not in a relationship. Due to my budget. One person RSVPed for 2 hen they were not "and guested". What should I do?

sucrets4 · July 2009

lurk.

ootmother2 · July 2009

Polite phone call to the person invited. Sorry, no

georgia_bride09 · July 2009

Call and tell them they don't get a guest.

111Kate111 · July 2009

I had three or four people do this (very frustrating!!!) , and I ended up just letting it go. We had a few "no" responses that the extra few guests didn't make a difference/nor put us over our limit. If you have the room/budget I would let it go- but I hate confrontation. If not, just call and say you have a strict limit and can't go over. They should understand.

gingern · August 2009

I completely undertstand you needing to stick to your budge and that is a little rude for your friend to just add someone like that without asking. But for the sake of reducing stress, if there is only ONE extra person coming to your wedding that you technically didn't invite, then maybe you could just overlook it. One extra guest shouldn't break the budget and it is definitely worth not fighting over it in your heart and mind.

kmt_cas · August 2009

I disagree with gingern - where do you draw the line with the plus one? If they weren't invited with a guest, they have no right to invite someone. Like the others said, politely let them know that you would be very happy if they can attend but unfortunately there isn't room for a guest. Adding in a guest when one wasn't invited is incredibly rude and uncalled for in my book.

sternre · August 2009

This happened to me... Luckily it was a close relative and I could tell him our rule, "no ring, don't bring." He totally understood and even felt bad for assuming he could bring someone. Just call and let the person know what's up. They should be understanding! If not, then, that's their problem.

caitie789 · August 2009

A knottie on my local board posted an email her mom had sent to a cousin who invited her children, maybe you can alter it...instead of children/second cousins, put significant others or guests... Hi XXXXXXX~ We just received your reply to Bride's NAme and FI's name wedding invitation, and noticed that you included XXXXX as attending. As much as we would love to have all of Bride and Groom's [second cousins] attend the wedding, logistically, it's just not possible. If we invite some of the [second cousins], we have to invite all of them, to be fair. On our side, alone, there would be almost XX more people, and "groom" has a huge family with lots of [cousins], as well. Maybe we should have made it more clear on the invitation. I'm sorry if there was a misunderstanding. We had to make the cut-off somewhere, and it wasn't an easy decision, but one that had to be made. We hope that you understand. We look forward to celebrating the day with you. Can we still count on you to attend? Thanks for understanding, Love, XXXX & XXXXX

mandiroo · August 2009

I had a handful of people do this too, but we also had people who had told us they were coming that ended up sending in regrets, so it sort of evened out and I didn't call anyone on it. I'd wait til all of your numbers are in and see if it's really going to be a problem.

jenn_t784 · August 2009

Im kinda worried about the same thing too! But I also have the problem of nobody RSVPing in my family. I think I will have to call them all to make sure they are coming.........

BrianneMarieRN · August 2009

I am going through this too even though I DID allow a guest for some, but my problem is people want to bring their kids, and I limited it to family only or I'd have almost FIFTY extra kids!!! My opinion: Budget or not, it IS proper etiquette I believe to allow people to bring a guest (whether in a relationship or not) but since your budget does not allow it (understandable!!!) than simply call them (they can ignore email) and say ,"I truly wish I could allow you and everyone else to bring a guest, but we were on a tight budget and I could only invite those people that are truly close to me, and it would mean the world to me if you could be there." It is completely RUDE for people to add guests or ANYONE not on the actual invite, and it drives me insane. I hope that helps

jmessne2 · August 2009

Personally for me I think it is rude to invite someone and not allow them to bring a guest. On our invite list we are well above how many we actually want to come, but we would never make someone to come to the wedding alone. Now for someone to RSVP for like 3 people is rude or to invite all their kids when it does not say and family. Our invites say and guest or have the significant others names. We only have 2 that just have the one person and its my grandma who is widowed and my aunt who is divorced and has never since dated.

pamfr12 · August 2009

There is nothing wrong with inviting single people and not automatically adding a plus one. There is a problem when said person automatically assumes they have a plus one. I would just wait until you get your final RSVPs. I had someone do a plus two for my wedding, however on the slip she wrote can I bring XXX and XXX? So I told her that as it stands I do not have enough room, however as RSVPs arrive I will have a better idea of exactly how much room I had so I would get back to her. In the end it doesn't matter since I have way less people than I originally anticipated so I let her know she could bring them.

hokiejennylynn · August 2009

I went to a wedding once where the couple had to call people they had allowed to have plus ones and tell them that the couldn't come after all because of the budget and space since more people ended up being able to come than expected. I think they handled it well and a few of the "plus ones" came for the dancing later on and made sure not to eat anything.I hate confrontation as well and would probably just suck it up and let them come, although it is poor etiquette to assume the invite that is not clearly stated. I think a quick phone call will work and they should understand. A budget is a budget and that's what it is there for even though it makes some decisions tough.

saillinz · August 2009

I would, like many others said, call them and tell them that you only invited people who were in serious relationships with their significant other. For my wedding I am not inviting singles with a guest unless they do not know anyone else at the wedding, then I am giving them an "and guest" to help them feel more comfortable.Maybe you could put this person at ease by telling them which of their friends they are likely to be seated with so they feel more comfortable?

camdenrose19 · August 2009

Due to space constraints, we did not invite anyone "and guest," and my best friend & bridesmaid knows that because she helped me with the invitations. But she announced to me last night, six weeks before the wedding, that she is planning on bringing a date, even though she doesn't have a boyfriend and I invited her parents, since "she assumed she could bring a guest becasue she's a bridesmaid, right?" I was so stunned that I gasped out, "sure, of course." She then announced she had already asked a guy I personally dislike who has a reputation for hard drinking and also stood up my sister (and MOH) on a date! I almost threw up from imagining having to sit with this guy at the head table. At the same time, my friend has repeatedly made known how sad it makes her that I am getting married and she doesn't have a boyfriend, so I understand she'll want to have someone to dance with. My mother has been telling me that bridal party SO's are not supposed to sit at the head table, but that seemed rude to me since I like the two groomsmen's girlfriends fine. But to avoid sitting with this guy, I think I'll have to put all the SO's at another table to make it fair.

jdeez27 · August 2009

We had this happen with quite a few people- his Aunt even rsvp'd for herself and four of her kids (she was the only one invited because the cousins were too young). Some people just don't understand etiquette! Most of the time we let it slide- it all balanced out in the end- but with her we had his mom say something because neither of us knows her all that well. You just have to pick your battles- if you have flexibility in your budget I would say forget it but if you don't just let them know that you really wanted to let them have a guest, you just can't afford it. People will understand.

Estellankase · August 2009

Hey I had the same problem with two guests! It turned out that I had extra room in my budget after we recieved a bunch of nos so everything worked out ok... but I was upset also. One of the guests was a close friend that was traveling far... so maybe she didn't want to travel alone. The other one was a co-worker who wanted to bring another co-worker (who wasn't invited) as a guest. The co-worker ended up telling us last minute that he wasn't bringing the girl... after we paid for the plate. Some people will just be rude... but don't you dare let it ruin your day!!

cazzysmith · August 2009

caitie789, thanks so much for posting that - I'm saving it in case I need to use it! Julia, good luck. Personally, I don't believe anyone should be allowed to bring someone uninvited simply because it's unfair to someone else who would have liked to bring a guest but did not because they were good enough to honor the invite.

mrskongkran · August 2009

I agree with many others that have responded that you should call them and explain that due to space/budget, which ever that you cannot allow them or others to bring a guest, but that you would really love to have them at your wedding. I have had the same situation and that is what I'm in the process of doing now. Do not feel bad about it. The purpose of them coming is to celebrate the union between you and your fiance. A date is not required to do this. I had to remind a few family members AND friends that this is my wedding- not a reason to dust off the old black and bring an old fling out for FREE dinner and dancing courtesy of the BRIDE AND GROOM! LOL.

cms4mf · August 2009

Regardless of budget, I think it's important to consider other singles invited to the wedding. If they see some singles got to bring dates, but they did not, they could think it is something against them or their uninvited significant other. Explaining this to the person who RSVP'd for two could also help him see your prediciment.

cnbowden · August 2009

It depends on whether the person will know anyone there other than you and the groom. They should be allowed to bring a friend because it's easier to get settled into a new situation with a friend. And with all due respect, if this is only 1 extra person, how much is that really going to add to your budget? Be fair to them if they don't know anyone but if they will know other guests just tell them you can't make it work logistically.

oceangirl_ekp · August 2009

Only my opinion, but I think if you're inviting your friends who are grown adults, then I think it's rude to not allow them to bring a date/guest to a wedding. To only allow your friends who happen to be in a relationship to bring a guest I think makes it even more uncomfortable for those who are requested to come solo to an event that they may or may not know many people at...That being said, we put "and guest" on all invitations to our single friends and maybe 1 of them chose to bring someone and alot of them chose to come alone, but it was their choice and not us telling them they couldn't bring someone. Again...just my 2 cents...in the end do what works for you and your budget. Good luck!

mizu22 · August 2009

politely but FIRMLY tell the person who RSVP'd for an uninvited guest that you can't have them bring a guest. explain it's not in the budget, the venue is too small etc.... They are your friend/family and should understand. Just be firm about it....but do it nicely!!

ceililove · August 2009

oooh camdenrose, that sounds like a sitcom episode, bless your heart. it's a tough one, julia. i can't imagine just inviting a guest to come with me to a wedding if i were invited alone. but...if there ends up being room, it's not worth causing hard feelings over. as much as i'd want to say, "you can't just do that!" to them, i would try hard to let it slide if you can. if you can't in the end, then you need to call them and just say, look, we are out of space, so we arent able to invite plus one guests in order to have room for the people like you who mean so much to us who we really want there on our special day. hopefully it will only be one or two extras, and you wont hardly notice in the budget.

sn0216 · August 2009

I just sent out our invites and am worried that some people will do this. We are having a small wedding and if they weren't in a relationship of any kind we just had one seat for them, I didn't want someone I didn't know at my wedding when there will be people I love at home I could invite instead.

anwallette · August 2009

One of my good friends is a serial dater and no woman lasts longer than about 2-3 months....when we invited him, we told him that with our numbers, he wouldn't be able to bring a guest. He was completely okay with it. But anyone that was in a serious relationship - we "and guest"-ed them because I know how I feel if I were in that situation.

erumer · August 2009

Common. Call em up or email them and apologize -- Say that your space is limited and you had not planned on them bringing a guest. Tell them that if something opens, you can let them know (or not), but that your seating is extremely limited.

People bringing a guest when they weren't invted.

Re: People bringing a guest when they weren't invted.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

People bringing a guest when they weren't invted.

Re: People bringing a guest when they weren&#039;t invted.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Re: People bringing a guest when they weren't invted.