Wedding Etiquette Forum

Guest RANT: "I know I'm not invited...."

So through facebook, I got a sneaking suspicion that an old friend Sharon's younger brother (that I don't know well at all, and haven't seen since I was in high school a decade ago...and even then, we weren't even friends!) was coming to my wedding.  Why? Because he posted "going up to [wedding location] for a wedding this weekend!"I know it was possible that he was going to that same city for someone else's wedding, but unlikely.  So I call my friend Sharon, hoping to shed some light on this.  "Sharon, I'm just calling to find out who, exactly, from your family will be attending my wedding on Saturday.""Oh," she says, "my and my brother Bobby."  "Oh, really? I'm a little confused because I never got an RSVP from Bobby [BECAUSE HE WAS'T INVITED!!!!!]."Sharon says, "Oh, he knows he isn't invited. He was planning to come to the reception but not eat anything."WHAT?!?!?!  So the kid a) knows he isn't invited b) is coming anyway and c) doesn't bother informing ANYONE about this?!Also, it didn't occur to Sharon that this is a HUGE faux pas?  It's not like she's bringing her brother as a date. She's bringing her BOYFRIEND as a date.  Seems that her brother just decided it woudl be fun to tag along, and that as long as he didn't sit down and eat dinner, he wouldn't be bothering anyone. 

Re: Guest RANT: "I know I'm not invited...."

  • Well did you tell her no?  If you had this conversation and didn't say no, then it's on you and you can't really complain about it.
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  • I am probably a more blunt person then you are, but I'd tell her that he isn't coming. End of story. That is SO RUDE!
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  • Does he have friends going?  I mean, I guess if you're not really friends with him (which, since he wasn't invited I assume you're not), and none of his friends are going, why would he even want to?  Weird.  What did you say?

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  • Ha, of course I said no.  I said "it's nice that he would like to come, but we really don't have room for him, and there is not really a spot for him to hang out during the reception."The kid is 24. How is it possible that he doesn't know how weddings work?
  • I agree with Dani. BTW, what did you say?
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  • Ugh, I'd be telling her no, he can't come.  There's no room, you can't have someone there and not feed them, and you don't want someone there that is just there to hang out and drink (I'm just assuming the drinking thing).
  • No, he doesn't have friends going. It is the YOUNGER BROTHER of a friend from high school.  I barely even seen the friend from high school anymore, much less her kid brother.
  • I would have made sure it was clear that there was no room for uninvited guests at the wedding.
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  • I would say to that that our vendor does not allow people to come to the reception who aren't receiving a meal and that the final meal numbers are in.
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  • Did you say, "Unfortunately that's not really a possibility.  If he's around and wants to meet us for drinks after the reception, that might work.  No one who isn't invited is allowed into the reception though."Some people are well...daft.
  • I said "it's nice that he would like to come, but we really don't have room for him, and there is not really a spot for him to hang out during the reception."Good job!
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  • I'm sure he though he would just come for the alcohol
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  • That is pretty bold of him.  Did you tell her that it wasn't ok with you??  
  • Yeah, I have NO IDEA why he'd want to go.  Other that to hang out and booze on my parents' dollar.  With people he doesn't know.I think the weirdest part is how this didn't occur to Sharon as a weird thing.  Does she normally show up uninvited to weddings?Also, even if he showed up for cocktail hour, what was this kid expecting to do while everyone was eating!?
  • Good for you...I am laughing a little at "there's not really a spot for him to hang out at the reception"...it is like he is a dog begging next to the Thanksgiving table...I mean, what did he think he was going to do during dinner?  Lurk and look longingly at the food...
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  • WTF.  What a bizarre thing to do.  What did your friend say when you told her no?
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