Should we invite fiance's daughter's mother to wedding?

Re: Should we invite fiance's daughter's mother to wedding?

• georgia_bride09 member

  

  August 2009

  I would probably be the bigger person and invite her; I doubt she'll act up in front of your FI's entire family. 

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• Kati0105

  

  August 2009

  What is the custody arrangement?  If your FI has custody that weekend, there is no reason why you would need to invite the mother.  If the custody is such that she could potentially freak out and prevent her daughter from coming to the wedding, I'd probably invite her just to be on the safe side.

  
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• ffmaid

  

  August 2009

  I think it is not your choice. I think it depends on what FI wants and you should 100% back up him and support whichever choice he makes and wants. You being uncomfortable does not matter one iota Fi's relationship with the mother of his child matters and teh kid matters .

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• tidetravel member

  

  August 2009

  No.

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• V6CamaroGirl

  

  August 2009

  You're probably going to need someone to look after her during the day because your FI is going to be busy, right? I think it's only right that you invite her legal guardian.

  

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• louisvillebride21

  

  August 2009

  I'm not sure about the etiquette on this, but I wouldn't invite her. Unless she's saying she wont let her daughter go to the wedding without her, I just wouldn't do it. There's really no place there for her. I can't imagine it would be comfortable for FI to have his baby momma there while he's getting married.

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• bbyckes member

  

  August 2009

  I'm not inviting FI's son's mother to my wedding.  I only want people there who want to support our union.  I don't need nor do I want any potential drama.  Let your FI have this time with his daughter and let it be a special moment for the three of you.  No need to have her present. As far as seeing her "all dressed up" um, that what pictures are for. Short answer: No.

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• Pirata13

  

  August 2009

  If you had a cordial relationship, I'd say yes. But in this case, if mom & grandma want to see her dressed up, make sure you get some nice picttures of her that you can send them.  Seriously.

  

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• duckie1905 member

  

  August 2009

  I see no reason why you should have to invite her.  Being the mother of your FI's child does not automatically grant her an invite to family gatherings and events.

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• ootmother2 member

  

  August 2009

  Yes, If she's the custodial parent, you really should.Plus, she would love you for it

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• MissIntentional

  

  August 2009

  we will not be inviting fi's daughter's mother to our wedding.

  
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• BecW2be

  

  August 2009

  Um, NO. How is that any different from inviting an ex-wife? No way, no how. FI's family can help with his daughter, and Ex and her mom can see pics later.

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• JoKelsiC member

  

  August 2009

  I was the FG in this situation 16 years ago (when my dad married my stepmom and my dad had never married my mom) and my mom wasn't invited. It was a non-issue and nobody expected her to be invited (my mom included). It all depends on your FI's relationship with her, but I don't think it would be bad at all if you decided not to invite her.

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• NuggetBrain member

  

  August 2009

  I think it is not your choice. I think it depends on what FI wants and you should 100% back up him and support whichever choice he makes and wants. You being uncomfortable does not matter one iota Fi's relationship with the mother of his child matters and teh kid matters. This is the dumbest thing ever.  Why the hell would it not be her choice invite a woman who threatened a restraining order on her to her own wedding?  Do you really think this broad isn't going to bring the crazy?  If she was on good or even civil terms, sure.  But why do you think she should "stand 100% behind her fiance on his choice"?  This has nothing to do with her just being uncomfortable, if the mother cannot behave herself and will cause drama and issues it will not be worth it to invite her.  Hell, she might even look at the invitation as rubbing their marriage in her face and freak out.I wouldn't invite her.  Sorry.  You mentioned her grandmother - how is your relationship with her?  What about FI's relationship with her?  If she's a decent sort you could invite her.  Are his parents going to be there?  I'm sure they can watch his daughter, it doesn't have to be her mother doing it.

  

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• TheSaltyPeanut member

  

  August 2009

  I wouldn't invite her.

  
  

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• C W

  

  August 2009

  No freaking way. I doubt she would want to come anyway. I would decline if I were her. My dad got remarried last year and my mom wasn't invited, and she didn't expect to be. It would have been weird if she were there. You can send pictures to his daughter's mom & grandma if they want to see her dressed up.

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• ffmaid

  

  August 2009

  It should be FI's choice and she should support his choice because it could affect how his relationship with his daughter will play out and that is a bigger priority then the brides princess day. She is becomeing a step mom and this is probably not the last time when she will have to put the well being of teh child ahead of her own.  

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• tidetravel member

  

  August 2009

  She is becoming a step mom.  Part of that is laying boundaries with bio-mom.  If she doesn't respect OP to the point of threatening w/ a restraining order, WTF do you think will happen at the wedding.  Major scene will ensue.There is no reason bio-mom has to be invited to the wedding.  FI's and his family can take care of the kid for the day. 

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• avee10 member

  

  August 2009

  My immediate advice would be to not invite her, its my personal feeling that exes have no place at your wedding.However, like I said, that is just MY personal opinion.  The answer to this really depends on what your relationship is with the ex.  If you are friendly and are a part of eachother's lives and therefore would like her sharing in  your day then go ahead.  Otherwise I dont see why she should be invited.

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• NuggetBrain member

  

  August 2009

  It should be FI's choice and she should support his choice because it could affect how his relationship with his daughter will play out and that is a bigger priority then the brides princess day. She is becomeing a step mom and this is probably not the last time when she will have to put the well being of teh child ahead of her own. Really?  Iniviting a woman who threatened legal action against you to watch her baby daddy's get married to you, and hope that she doesn't create complete chaos is equal to wanting a princess day?  Do you even have any experience with this kind of issue?  Do you really think that not inviting his baby momma to his wedding will somehow had a negative effect on his kid, moreso than the kid watching her mom act like a damn fool in public? 

  

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• ffmaid

  

  August 2009

  Well sorry nuggetbrain but 1. If it means that stepdaughters mom prevents her attending?2. If it means that step daughters mom prevents her from ever seeing her dad again?3. If it causes a bio mom gets a restraining order agaist bride due to no invite and thus making dad have to never see the two at the same time? You think that the woman making the bride uncomfortable is worth these potential consequences? Because none of us know this bio mom well enough to judge. If preventing 1-3 can be done by inviting her it will be well worth it. Groom however knows how bio mom will react and can judge if bad results 1-3 could be prevented by simply extending a gracious invite or not. Groom and future step daughter are also the people who suffer the horrible consiquences if 1-3 occur. So yes bride shoudl do as groom wants in this case. Anything else is saying that bride cares more about having things her way on her princess day then the long term best interest of groom and future step daughter and that is not good.

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• ffmaid

  

  August 2009

  ah and yes I have seen this happen my aunt and nlce when they got married his ex wife thru a fit that the girls were invited and she was not prevented uncles daughters from attending the wedding or seeing uncle until they turned 18 either 2or 5 depends which girl years later. So yes Aunt would have much prefered the jerk ex wife showed up and pictch a fit and ruined teh pretty wedding then cause several years of pain for the her husband and step daughters.

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• tidetravel member

  

  August 2009

  1. If it means that stepdaughters mom prevents her attending?Have it on a weekend that he has custody and there is no issue.2. If it means that step daughters mom prevents her from ever seeing her dad again?Again - if there's a custody agreement in place, bio-mom's non-invite will not be enough for her to prevent the child from seeing dad3. If it causes a bio mom gets a restraining order agaist bride due to no invite and thus making dad have to never see the two at the same timeI don't know any judge that would grant a restraining order against a woman because she didn't get an invite to a wedding.

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• smokeybailey member

  

  August 2009

  My sister and her DH did not invite his ex-wife (the father of his son who was also his BM).  How is this different?  Has anyone invited ex-spouses to their weddings?  I think I am intrigued by this and may start a new thread...

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• NuggetBrain member

  

  August 2009

  1. If it means that stepdaughters mom prevents her attending?Have it on a weekend that he has custody and there is no issue.2. If it means that step daughters mom prevents her from ever seeing her dad again?Again - if there's a custody agreement in place, bio-mom's non-invite will not be enough for her to prevent the child from seeing dad3. If it causes a bio mom gets a restraining order agaist bride due to no invite and thus making dad have to never see the two at the same timeI don't know any judge that would grant a restraining order against a woman because she didn't get an invite to a wedding.THIS.It sounds like your aunt or whoever didn't bother to consult an attorney, because no judge ever would allow a parent to keep their children from seeing their other parent as part of an established custody agreement because she didn't get an invite to their wedding.  That's her fault for not pushing the matter in court.

  

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• shawna77inil member

  

  August 2009

  I second the post about the restraining order.  She might get a temporary "emergency" one if they think she has a legitimate fear of danger to herself, but if she makes something up then she gets charged with perjury.  If she is stupid enough to go after a restraining order, let her hang herself.  I also agree with the post saying to have it on the father's visitation time.  That makes this whole situation a non issue.

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• ffmaid

  

  August 2009

  I'm not saying she shoudl invite the bio mom or not invite her just that this is not the step moms choice this is the dads /grooms choice and bride shoudl agree to whatever he wants in this regard.

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• smit4100

  

  August 2009

  Just to clear a few things up:1. The father has custody of his daughter every weekend- including that of the wedding2. The mother has no basis for any type of restraining order- heck I even pay for her child's insurance & bills!!  She is just trying to threaten me with anything because she's not the sharpest tool  in the shed-- she doesn't realize she would actually need proof to file anything-- which I guarantee she does NOT have.  I treat her daughter as my own, in fact my soon to be step daughter has been quoted saying "this is why I have a step mom, to do the things my real mom should be doing"3. The bio mom already is viewed badly by the courts for not showing up at her last few court dates4. I'm pretty sure the daughter could care less if her real mother is there-- as it is we have to force her to go to her mom's house for her custody time5. I really don't know the grandmother well-- but the groom does not want her there... ...on the other hand I am good friends with the daughter's aunt who is amazing!  Too bad she is gone to the Navy :(6. We have tons of family to watch the daughter during the wedding & she is taking part in it a lot too since we are joining as a family not just husband & wifeDoes this make the decision of etiquette any easier?

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