How much is too much?

vsnoberg · March 2012

I don't see why almost everyone one here always feels the need to attack the person asking the question. Isn't the knot community about HELPING other brides and giving advice? There is a nice way to disagree with someone and then there is attacking someone.

That aside my opinon is Etiquette says guests should not have to pay for anything, but then again Etiquette says a lot of things we don't listen to these days.

If you are worried about people being upset or their memory being tainted about having to pay for a drink those people are petty and will find something to complain about regardless (especially if you don't have any alcohol at all).

I think the "upgrade" (offer beer and wine but mixed drinks for a charge) is a nice middle ground. Just make sure it is known before the people order a drink that there is a charge with mixed drinks. If with this you are worried about "stratefying" your guests, that's life, some people have money some don't. Are you gonna ask your more privelidged guests to ride there in a cab so that the less fotunate people dont get offended by their lexus? Or tell everyone to not wear fancy jewelry becuase some can't afford it? I wouldn't go to a party and demand that they buy me a bottle of Patron (alcohol is different than food, it's a choice to drink alcohol eating is not a choice). If I like something more expensive and fancy I can pay for that if I want it that much.

End of the day it is up to YOU and your FI. People that matter won't care at the end of the day either way. Do what you all want and can afford (no need going to the poor house and being overly stressing becuase your great uncle Jim likes his Johnny Walker). Also a price for mixed drinks in my mind is $5-$7 if that helps.

*A general note though if you are doing a cash bar in any fashion have family and friends spread the word so your guests can be prepared.

skowalyk · March 2012

I just looked at a venue at a country club where a full bar was included with the total price, and it was really reasonable! I asked what the price would be for people who could not drink (ages 12-21) and they said $20 less than the regular price per person. You can find places that do include alcohol for a great price. I don't think I'd mind paying for booze, though.

GunzNRoses213 · March 2012

We have to go with a cash bar, my father is a pastor and in our denomination the pastors are not allowed to purchase alcohol. My FI do not have the money to wacth his family get drunk... That's on their dollar... It's their choice...Been to plenty of weddings that have been both. I'm having it available...It's their choice to buy it or not. Only my FI side and my friends will have any at all . I'm not paying a huge booze bill for 50 people. It's not unheard of in my area at all and we are letting people know ahead of time so that they have cash if they want it .

luckywing7 · March 2012

Proper etiquette is the same no matter where you live. It doesn't matter what time zone you're in. Nor does it matter which way the wind is blowing that day. Guests should never be expected to open their wallet for anything at your wedding reception. If you can't afford a full open bar, aim for a limited choice such as beer/wine. Something is better than nothing.

avolker1 · March 2012

I've been to both open bar and partial open bar weddings. Are the open-bar ones better? Yes. Did I find it rude or was I offended at the partial open bar weddings? No. They provided free wine and champagne and you could choose to buy other types of drinks if that's what you preferred. The people who really want to drink will either drink what you have or purchase it. I prefer beer but I was content with the wine. I will agree with the posts that have said it is inconvenient to have cash on you at a wedding, because it is, and I hardly ever have cash on me.

I had never heard of the etiquette of not making your guests pay for anything, and I can understand the reasoning behind that although I'm not 100% in agreement with that because as someone else said, you choose to drink. It's not like you're making them pay for their dinner. But, I can understand the argument.

Any way, personally my FI find it very important to have an open bar because we will have a lot of younger guests and we want it to be as fun as possible. We are on a very tight budget but we are looking into venues that will allow us to stock the bar, or that have lower rates. But that is us. Not everyone finds this important. If you and your FI really want an open bar there are ways to budget it, but if it's not a big deal to you then might as well stick with what you can afford. Good luck!

MrsJacobs2B · March 2012

I personally find cash bars to be rather tacky. As another poster mentioned, receptions are for the guests, and you want to make them as comfortable as possible. My husband and I don't drink at all, and considered having a dry wedding, but we realized some of our guests do drink and so we served beer and wine. I think we picked three kinds of beer, and four types of wine - two white, two red. Everyone had a great time. My advice? Avoid cash bars at all costs.

MLincoln17 · March 2012

I am from Jersey and have never been to a wedding with a cash bar, and I have been to about 15 weddings...not sure if your area has more cash bars or more open bars at weddings. I agree with most of the girls here though. Pay for what you can afford. I never go to weddings with money on me and would be embarrassed if I asked for a drink, not knowing it was a cash bar, and not have any money on me to pay for it. Go with what you can afford.

JamiesonCampbell · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_how-much-is-too-much?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:cc43a80e-ca3b-4571-a0db-5db49b9c3ebbPost:b0ba991b-a94a-4855-9b07-3201963c656b">Re: How much is too much?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm from the Midwest, and I have NEVER attended an open bar wedding in my life. I've been mainly to weddings that provide free beer and soda, and then have a cash bar for liquor. I've been to a couple of weddings where there was an open bar for a certain period of time (say, until 9:00), and a cash bar afterwards. I have never, ever felt inconvenienced or offended because I've had to pay for drinks at someone's wedding because it is something I expect to do. I think it is safe to say that in different parts of the country, etiquette on this varies. What is rude in one part of the country is considered perfectly acceptable in another.
Posted by libby2483[/QUOTE]

I'm glad i'm not the only one!! I understand that most people view this as rude but i honestly have not been to a single wedding that was open bar! Plus both our families have some pretty heavy drinkers and it would get out of hand with the bar being open.

We are having wine with dinner, champagne toast and then are seving both alcoholic and non alcoholic punch throughout dinner / reception...

I don't think it's right not to mention to your guests that there will be a cash bar as some of the PP have awful stories because they didn't know. I definitely don't want my guests having to drive somewhere for an ATM.

xmansmommy2010 · March 2012

I've never been to a wedding with a cash bar. I don't carry cash to weddings because I really don't expect to have to pay for anything once I get there.

I do have a friend who was "surprised" with one after the ceremony. She was so ticked she took the original check out of the card, ripped it up, marched out to her car (where her main purse and checkbook were) and wrote out another for a lesser amount.

Indigoemma · March 2012

I am from the UK and things are probably quite different over here - it is almost unheard of to have an open bar at a wedding - the vast majority will be cash bar in the evenings (in fact it is also the norm to have 'evening only' invites, which I know is very unsual in the US - but it is so much the norm that all the shops that sell wedding invitations also sell 'evening' invites, but that is a side note...)

I think it is completely incorrect to say that what is considered rude in universal - you DO have to consider that different cultures have different opinions on what is rude and what is not (extreme example - some people consider burping rude, however in other cultures, it is considered approval of a host's food, and very complimentary - again, that is an extreme, but helps to put things into perspective).

I definitely think in some circles (such as majority of weddings in UK, and by the sounds of it, many states in the US) - having a cash bar is a completely normal thing to do, BUT I also think there is no way that EVERYONE you will invite to a wedding will have the same views/opinions on it, and therefore, if you are trying not to offend ANY of your guests, you have to therefore not include a cash bar.

My sister recently got married and we had beer, wine and rum (along with a multitude of non-alcoholic drinks) and everyone was happy - in fact more so because, as I've said, the majority of people in UK expect to pay for drinks at a wedding once you hit the evening part, so it was a massive bonus for those who expected that!

Now I also know that the majority of people who I will invite to my wedding would expect a cash bar BUT because there will be SOME people (such as on my dad's side of the family) that would not, I do not want to offend ANY of them, and therefore would not consider a cash bar for my wedding - we will do what my sister did and have free drinks, including beer and wine and possible one alcoholic spirit.

JacklovesSarah · March 2012

I don't know how cash bars work, but if it's just there to provide your guests with another option besides what you offer, I don't see a problem with it. If they are being made to pay for it, that's a problem.

vickywil5 · March 2012

I don't see the problem with having a cash bar, I have been to 4 weddings and all had a cash bar, I was fine with it, they all had free drink for the toast and then juice for children, but it is an adults choice to drink alcohol and they should pay for it if this is what the b&g want, I am getting married next year and I am having a cash bar, maybe it is different in the UK. Too many people would not realise how much they were drinking if they could have as much as they want, and may get out of hand and ruin the reception.

I think it is just each to there own, and if people don't want to go if it will be a cash bar then that is up to themselves.

musicalcanadianbride · March 2012

I think it also depends on what else you are providing. If you are doing an alcoholic cocktail, a toasting wine, or wine with dinner (or some combination/variation) then I really would not worry about moving to a cash bar at a certain point in the evening. I've been to two weddings recently that had cash bars after dinner, with the toast and wine with dinner provided. It was totally fine, and because I had already had three drinks, I only had one late in the evening.

MiksChick23 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_how-much-is-too-much?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:cc43a80e-ca3b-4571-a0db-5db49b9c3ebbPost:ae1e179b-651e-4450-837e-d9f0cdef0745">Re: How much is too much?</a>:
[QUOTE]I've never been to a wedding with a cash bar. I don't carry cash to weddings because I really don't expect to have to pay for anything once I get there. I do have a friend who was "surprised" with one after the ceremony. She was so ticked she took the original check out of the card, ripped it up, marched out to her car (where her main purse and checkbook were) and wrote out another for a lesser amount.
Posted by xmansmommy2010[/QUOTE]

This seems a bit extreme. Why not just order what is offered for free? Its very rare to go to a strict cash bar without ANY hosted option. I'm glad my guests don't feel entitled like that....but if they want to lessen their gift to me b/c they don't like beer or wine and don't want to pay $4 for a mixer, so be it. I'm not getting married for the gifts or money.

JamiesonCampbell · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_how-much-is-too-much?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:cc43a80e-ca3b-4571-a0db-5db49b9c3ebbPost:4df14d96-0fb5-4ce6-b6c7-4b5cf4c21240">Re: How much is too much?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How much is too much? : This seems a bit extreme. Why not just order what is offered for free? Its very rare to go to a strict cash bar without ANY hosted option. I'm glad my guests don't feel entitled like that....but if they want to lessen their gift to me b/c they don't like beer or wine and don't want to pay $4 for a mixer, so be it. I'm not getting married for the gifts or money.
Posted by MiksChick23[/QUOTE]

agreed!

How much is too much?

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