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UN-bridesmaid... how to do it?

Soon2bBride11Soon2bBride11
First Comment
in Wedding Party
I know this may sound terrible... but I really really would like to un-bridesmaid one of my girls.  She refuses to do any of the  "bridesmaid duties".  She even refused to go shopping to pick out bridesmaid dresses with the rest of the group.  Her excuse was that " she likes to sleep in on Saturdays and 11:00 was too early for her"  (mind you me and the other 4 girls managed to get there)  This was the final straw in a list of other things that have happened....   She is causing much unnecessary stress for me but I dont know what to do........
The major problem is that this is my FI's sister!!!!!!  Please help!!!!!

I'm not sure if she is possibly just not into the wedding because every time the subject is brought up (like when my MIL asks how the planning is going) she runs out of the room......

HELP!!!!
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Re: UN-bridesmaid... how to do it?

  • Soon2bBride11Soon2bBride11
    First Comment
    Thanks everyone...... Sorry to sound like a complainer.....
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    mbcdefg, is dead on. 

    The girl has been a pain to you through this whole process so just hang on for the months remaining (for your FI and ILs sake). If anything do the measurements (not hard to do) at her house and send it to the store. I also don't see the harm in switching from bridesmaid to groomswoman since its not actually kicking out anyone. Just don't kick her out of the WP altogether.
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  • gottahavashortigottahavashorti member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    She just needs to show up in the correct dress clean and sober, walk down the aisle, stand quietly for the ceremony and smile for pictures.  If she doesn't purchase the dress, she's removed herself from the wedding.  Since she's not interested in the wedding, just try not to bring it up in front of her.

    Can one of her friends take her to a seamstress to be measured, then let her call in her measurements?  If she doesn't purchase the dress, switching her to your FI's side and letting her wear any black dress would also be a good way to keep the peace for family purposes.
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  • stina93446stina93446 member
    2500 Comments
    If she has been an issue BEFORE the wedding planning, this is not a bm issue, but a SIL issue. The wedding just happens to be coming up. This is who she is. A wedding will not change her.

    You cannot kick her out without looking like a huge bridezilla. Seriously, if other family members know that she's a bm and now she's not, they'll ask why she got demoted and the only response you'll have is "she didn't want to go shopping with me." Also, do you REALLY want to put your relationship with her over the edge just because of one day?! You have to see her at family gatherings.Awkward...
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  • Megan HeapsMegan Heaps member
    First Comment
    I know this might sound crazy but maybe she didn't want to be in the wedding in the first place and this is her way of telling you.  I am in my sister in laws wedding and I wish she would ask me to step down.  She never really even asked me.  She just said "I know you know I want you to be in the wedding".   It really didn't give me an opportunity to say Thank you, but I would rather just be a guest".   I don't know your relationship with this girl but in my situation we are NOT close at all.  She was in my wedding (10 years ago) but that was before she did some very hurtful things to her family and we did not speak for 2 + years.  

    As someone else said "there are no bridesmaid's duties" other than to order the gown and show up on time.  If she is stressing you out to much just ask her to step down.  It might be what she really wants. 

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  • emilyinchileemilyinchile member
    5000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_un-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:82aa6a86-6a7e-4359-9e9b-a29d77b2670ePost:078c63d0-3178-4e95-96c0-1dabeb46aee8">Re: UN-bridesmaid... how to do it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know this might sound crazy but maybe she didn't want to be in the wedding in the first place and this is her way of telling you.  I am in my sister in laws wedding and I wish she would ask me to step down.  She never really even asked me.  She just said "I know you know I want you to be in the wedding".   It really didn't give me an opportunity to say Thank you, but I would rather just be a guest".   I don't know your relationship with this girl but in my situation we are NOT close at all.  She was in my wedding (10 years ago) but that was before she did some very hurtful things to her family and we did not speak for 2 + years.   As someone else said "there are no bridesmaid's duties" other than to order the gown and show up on time.  If she is stressing you out to much just ask her to step down.  It might be what she really wants. 
    Posted by 980066562502951[/QUOTE]

    Your FSIL would be in the wrong to ask you to step down. If you don't want to be in her WP, be a grown up and tell her so. Or, if you think it will hurt her feelings too much and damage your relationship with someone who's going to be family, then be a grown up and deal with being a BM.

    OP, glad you've seen the light :) Your FSIL sounds like a pain, but at least you're dealing with her with grace.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_un-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:82aa6a86-6a7e-4359-9e9b-a29d77b2670ePost:078c63d0-3178-4e95-96c0-1dabeb46aee8">Re: UN-bridesmaid... how to do it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know this might sound crazy but maybe she didn't want to be in the wedding in the first place and this is her way of telling you.  I am in my sister in laws wedding and I wish she would ask me to step down.  She never really even asked me.  She just said "I know you know I want you to be in the wedding".   It really didn't give me an opportunity to say Thank you, but I would rather just be a guest".   I don't know your relationship with this girl but in my situation we are NOT close at all.  She was in my wedding (10 years ago) but that was before she did some very hurtful things to her family and we did not speak for 2 + years.   As someone else said "there are no bridesmaid's duties" other than to order the gown and show up on time.  If she is stressing you out to much just ask her to step down.  It might be what she really wants. 
    Posted by 980066562502951[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Pick up the phone, call her, and tell her that you'd rather attend the wedding as a guest.  It's on you to drop out if you want out.  You don't wait around hoping she'll kick you out.

    </div>
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