Ohio-Cincinnati

Need to vent and I need some advice!! Sorry its so long...

My FI was engaged to someone else and was supposed to get married two summers ago. One of his friends was supposed to be his best man and another friend was one of the groomsmen. These two friends had already rented their tuxes. FI and I knew eachother (worked together and were part of the same group of friends) for about five years before we started dating. So I know both of these guys pretty well.Now we are getting married and he has asked another friend to be his best man (someone we hang out with all of the time). Also, he did not ask his other friend to be in the wedding. Both FI and I have moved on with our lives and we have matured a lot in the past two years and they have not matured at all. I graduated from college and I have a great career. I am very grateful that I have this job; especially with the present economy. FI had a great co-op (before he got laid off). We do not hang out with these two guys any more beause it seems like all they want to do is drink. FI and I are not huge drinkers and do not enjoy going out to drink all of the time. They often drink and drive (I am totally against this!) and even post pictures of it on Facebook.Both guys are working part time jobs and I'm sure they are struggling finacially. What I am so upset about is that one of the guys posted a very immature message on FI's Facebook wall. He demanded that FI make him his best man or put him in the wedding so he can use the $86 credit he has for the tux. He also added that if he was not put in the wedding that they would have to "throw down." The other guy posted that he liked the comment that was left on FI's wall. Why couldn't he be an adult about the whole thing, call FI and ask for a refund on the $86? I am trying so hard to be the bigger person and not make an equally immature response. FI and I are thinking about writing both guys a check for the amount of the tux. What would you do if you were in this situation? Also, we were planning on inviting both guys to the wedding, but now I'm not so sure I want them there. Should we still send them an invite? Thanks for letting me vent!!!

Re: Need to vent and I need some advice!! Sorry its so long...

  • edited December 2011
    I think that you are completely justified to invite (or not) whoever you want.  Its you and your FI's wedding.  If your FI doesn't want these guys to be in his wedding party, then that's his decision.  They need to accept that.  Since they are being a little childish about his decision, however, I say write both of them the checks for the credits they have at the tux place.  Either that or see if the tux place will just credit them.  (We had a similar situation happen and the tux place just refunded said person their overpayment).  If you still want to invite these guys to the wedding, that's okay.  They will either grow up and realize that this isn't their call to make or not.  That part is up to them.
  • edited December 2011
    Everyone's lives move on and sometimes in different directions.  Don't let the old BM bully you.  Send them their checks and wash your hands of it.
  • tia0314tia0314 member
    Eighth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with pp. Refund their money and be done with them.
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  • mindiosumindiosu member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Definitely send them their check. Invite who want in whatever role you wish.
  • HolliWouldHolliWould member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Concur. It's awkward, and difficult, but your comment about maturity seems to be just about right.
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