Maybe I am looking at this wrong....

amber&richard05 · August 2009

"Maybe I'm in the minority here...I mean, I wouldn't LOVE it, that's for sure. And knowing my husband, he wouldn't even want to go. But I'd trust him completely and just tell him it was his decision to make. Besides...have you SEEN the kind of ladies that are strippers?? LOL My husband wouldnt' want to go near one of those trannies with a ten foot pole anyway. " Ditto... the girls might be eye candy from a distance but that is it. Most of the girls will not even allow anybody to touch them. Its not really about the girls it is about a night out with the guys and if you truly trust him you should just leave the decision up to him, after you express your opinion in a calm way of course. It will never sit well with you but would be something you would have to accept. While he is out having guys night you should go out and have a girls night.

mandasue178 · August 2009

I understand your dilemma. I was adamant that DH not go to a strip club for his bach party. But his groomsmen planned it and that's what they did. He had fun, but all he could talk about was what was wrong with the strippers. This one was old, they all had small boobs, etc. He's still coming home to you.

mralpha · August 2009

Is your concern here that he may accidently cheat on you? If he is going to cheat on you he doesn't need a boat cruise with strippers to do it. Ive been thinking of you and have felt bad about all the non support you have gotten. While I don't really know you guys I do think there is a problem. This comes down to him not making you feel secure enough to feel that this is all okay. I am sitting here explaining this scenario to my FI because I truly want to help. Im going to tell you he is the only man in my life I would be okay with him doing what your husband is doing. Seriously. With that said. My ex husband and ex boyfriends....no way would I have ever felt okay. Trust your intuition. You are not crazy here. There is a reason why you feel this way. You say you trust him but for some reason I feel deep down you really do not. That issue needs to be addressed. Im so sorry you are going through this.

mralpha · August 2009

I am also feeling bad that all of you are telling her that YOUR husband or FI would never do this. That is sad. When it comes to 10 guys on a boat drinking and hanging out with their best buddies who wouldn't want to go? Strippers or no strippers. Guys are just happy to hang out together.

juliebug1997 · August 2009

Mralpha,I think that the ladies on here know their husbands/fiancees better than you. My husband actually really does not like to drink. Hanging out with his buddies on a boat, getting drunk, with strippers, isn't really his idea of a good time. Drinking tea, talking with former coworkers about computers, with a grill going is more his speed. You insult all the women on here who KNOW that their husband really wouldn't like that too much.

Terriniski · August 2009

Crystal - is what's bugging you the trust concern (sounds like it might be that you want to trust him but something is still undermining that) or that he's not taking into account your feelings? I can't tell from your post but I think that any advice would depend on that detail.

juliebug1997 · August 2009

Terriniski,I think she's probably most upset about him not taking her feelings into account. BTW, let me apologize. I've been putting "Terrinski" on a lot of correspondence to you.

llc_lauren & chris · August 2009

I agree with Julie- not every guy has the same idea of fun, and I would think that their wife or fiance would know that best.

appletango85 · August 2009

I also think that because we don't know justin and crystal as a couple, all we can do to give advice is how would we deal with teh situation if we were in it. Since we only know our FI/DH enough to know how we would feel, that is what we are comparing it to. I am sorry if my posts seem non supportive as mralpha pointed out you could take it as. That was not my intention. My intention was to tell you what I would do in that situation since that's all any of us can really give advice on ya know? It does sound like he's not taking your feelings into account or making you feel secure enough about him going. Also, I think because you feel there are double standards when it comes to going out with your friends, that might be an underlying reason you don't want him to go as well.I hope everything works itself out with or without a counselor. Just know we are all concerned and want you to be happy

*hug*

dorieNail · August 2009

wow. lets just show our mean sides now ladies. Geesh, i told my FI awhile back I thought this board was mean. Now i have proof. i wish i had this girls number or email address. bottom line is she did ask which means she didnt know what she was getting into, but do some of you THINK before you speak? Seriously???

juliebug1997 · August 2009

I went and read through the post several times. All of us talked about how we would feel in that situation and how our SO's would approach the situation but, in the end, most of us said that we believed that Justin and Crystal should probably be getting some help either professionally or spiritually.

dorieNail · August 2009

guess i spoke too soon. or at the same time. apple is fixin this mood

on the road to recovery here girls ":)

(wish i could find a way to fit && in here so i could be cool)

untsing · August 2009

Well Apple's got the best advice, which is it's really none of our business. yes, she asked us for her opinion but in the end, who are we to give her advice to go to counseling, etc? If we all told about the fights we've had with our FI/DH, we'd all think that EVERYONE needed counseling. And you know what, we probably all do. So it's a bit brazen of us to admonish another bride/bride-to-be on her relationship when we aren't there 24/7 like she is. We can offer support and opinions, but saying that we don't think they should've gotten married, etc. is taking it WAY too far.

mralpha · August 2009

I am also feeling bad that all of you are telling her that YOUR husband or FI would never do this. That is sad. When it comes to 10 guys on a boat drinking and hanging out with their best buddies who wouldn't want to go? Strippers or no strippers. Guys are just happy to hang out together.Okay.....let me back up here. "It is sad" meaning for us to be telling her this. I wanted to say something like this....telling this girl your FI or husband would NEVER do this doesn't help her out. Please don't ever say NEVER is my initial thought. Maybe it is my age. But...when I first married at 22 I NEVER dreamed I would end in a divorce. I had the fairy tale!!!!!! So....I thought. We were soul mates perfect for each other. After 14 years we became two very very different people. It was a horrible sad situation and I never imagined getting a divorce nor did I approve of it. But....it happened. And...you are right you know your FI or husband best, I do not. There are many different kinds of guys out there. But....there are some guys out there that do like to hang with their buddies once or twice a year to catch up (maybe at a bachelor party with strippers). There is nothing wrong with this especially if it is a close friend. I wouldn't want my FI to not go to a close friend's bachelor party because he felt it wasn't his cup of tea. If it is his close friend then by all means go and support him in his new life he is about to embark on! I trust him and that's because he puts that security there for me. I just want her to know his response that she doesn't trust him is the wrong way to handle it and that is why she is feeling this way. She is not wrong in thinking this and if he would of just responded in a non defensive way then maybe she would be okay. Guys are just happy to hang out together. My point to her was that hopefully his intentions on doing this is not to do something to violate their marriage. My point was that hopefully like most healthy relationships going into a situation like this for a bachelor party (that he is a groomsman in) will be more about the guys hanging out and having fun and not what she is afraid of. I raise a concern because of his defensive response "you don't trust me". That is not a healthy response to a woman who is insecure about this party even though she says she trust him.

juliebug1997 · August 2009

I just want her to know his response that she doesn't trust him is the wrong way to handle it and that is why she is feeling this way. She is not wrong in thinking this and if he would of just responded in a non defensive way then maybe she would be okay. Isn't that anyone's response when they feel they are being attacked? I think Crystal has her reasons for feeling that way and her DH should take into account her feelings in this matter. I seriously think that, if he goes, he's going to end up having a rotten time because he knows how upset Crystal is that he's there.

juliebug1997 · August 2009

I said "people". I didn't mention my FI. I will leave it at that because anything else I say on this post will be regarded by you as inconsiderate.

mralpha · August 2009

lol...okay

Maybe I am looking at this wrong....

Re: Maybe I am looking at this wrong....

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