the list?! HELP

ddub710 · August 2009

so i have plenty of time but already stressin! i have set a limit of 250, my future mother-in law is basically saying that not enough. i didn't even want a big wedding so that is as high as i want it! She said they would pay the difference, it not the money i just dont want more then that. How do i get my way..lol ... with out making anyone too mad????

kkchisholm · August 2009

who else does she want to invite? are they important to you and your fi? if not discuss it with your fi, and if you both agree no more, discuss it with her. I think it would be best if your fi is there for a happy middle man.when is the wedding?

crfische · August 2009

You pay for it yourself and grow a pair. And stop abusing the exclamation point.

Leah&Christian09 · August 2009

Book a venue that only holds 250. Unless she's paying, there's nothing she can do about it!!!!!!!!!!!!eleventy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

shanwalk2 · August 2009

I would strongly suggest you pay for your own wedding and offer your FMIL a certain number of invites. When you pay, you make the rules. When you take other people's money - it's their rules. I doubt you're going to take this advice. But I'm willing to bet that you'll be wishing you did it when you're about one month out.

BrideBuddies · August 2009

If you pay for your own party, you and your FI are the only ones who should be making any lists.

tlv204 · August 2009

What does your FI think? It's his wedding too. Then ditto PP, if he's on your side, both of you tell your MIL that it's your wedding and you don't want any more people. If he does want to invite those people, assuming there are no money issues (and ditto Nova-get the money upfront), I think you should add them on.

sarah0725 · August 2009

FI and I are getting married at a National Historic Landmark that only allows for 85 people... so we are going to have 85 people. Nothing any parents can do about that. Also, they all love where we are getting married, so nobody is going to give us a hard time about numbers. Perhaps you should find yourself a totally awesome reception/ceremony site that only houses the number of people you want.

eastunder1 · August 2009

If you are an adult, please speak and type accordingly. I don't even want to help you, because you sound like you are 14.

BubbleJ · August 2009

I had the same situation, FMIL saying she wanted her friends there and she was happy to pay for their meals etc. She wasnt happy but both me and FH said no, sorry, we don't want a big wedding, its close friends and family ONLY. So you might upset her, but you have to decide if its worth it in the long run or not.

Kristin789 · August 2009

>>my future mother-in law is basically saying that not enough. Who is she saying this TO? The bride's parents host the wedding - no matter if the groom's parents contribute some money, etc. So if your FMIL is trying to manipulate YOU, you need to direct her to your parents. Like this: Oh, Mrs. Jones, my parents are handling that. Do you want to call my father? Here is his number - he's home after 6:30 on weeknights. It's been my personal experience that people who are your parents' age do try to manipulate people who are their kids' age. But when faced with confronting someone their own age, they back off. Esp if the person they'll need to confront is a little older or has a higher status level with their job, etc.

kloesk · August 2009

or you could handle it yourself instead of telling her to call daddy... We invited 300 and are expecting less than 200, so keep in mind that # will go down quite a bit. However, if that's not good enough, discuss it with your FI and you can both tell her (respectfully) that it is important to you that your wedding consist of people who are meaningful to you.

trix1223 · August 2009

Attention Kristin: it's the 21st century. There's enough room for you to come and join it.

squirrly · August 2009

Kristen, the bride's parents do not always host the wedding. Mine certainly aren't. FI & I are. Accordingly, FI & I are setting the guest list. I would NEVER be so immature as to tell my FILs that they should contact my parents because I was too chicken to have a mature, adult conversation with them. OP - if you are paying for the wedding, you pick the venue. Her willingness to chip in to cover EXTRA guests doesn't give her a veto on the venue. Talk with your FI & be sure you agree with what you want. Then, talk with those who are contributing to the cost of the reception & do the best you can to plan something that satifies thier requests. Ideally, that's just your and your FI - makes it simple!

noelle24 · August 2009

Kristin: We have left the 1950's behind us.... come join us, won't you? My FI and I are hosting our wedding, NOT my mother... thanks very much. OP: Where is your FI in all of this? It's HIS wedding too, and this is HIS mother... he should be taking point on dealing with his parents.

ddub710 · August 2009

Well, Thank you all for your advice. To answer a few questions we have already booked the hall and does hold more.... wish that was a little different. And its June 19th 2010. I will use more FI to be the one to talk to his mother, he can be more assertive with her then i can. My parents are paying for our wedding, but his have offered to help. I do agree with the statement once its their money it's their rules, so i don't want to not accept it.. (as they would feel i was being very rude) but i don't want to be at the mercy of their wants... it will be an interesting journey. And yes i hope we can make everyone happyAlthough i will have to say some of you are pretty ruthless. I'm sorry i didn't type to some of your standards.

jfgrad06 · August 2009

First of all, people will get mad throughout the planning process. It's unavoidable. You can't please everyone no matter how hard you try. If the extra people really bother you, then you and your FI need to sit down with her and go through the list of people she wants to invite. When you come to a name you are not familiar with, ask her who they are and why she wants them to attend. "They are family/a dear friend of mine" is tolerable but "Oh John Smith? We went to high school together 30 years ago"...not so much. Try to get her to justify why she wants to invite so many people. Or put your foot down and tell her she has control over X amount of invitations. End of story. It's not her wedding. If she gets mad and throws a fit, let her. She's the one acting like a child.

MiniSteph · August 2009

I agree w/ pp, you need to let her know that you (and your FI if he agrees) only wants a certain number of people and she can invite such a number. You should have your wedding the way you and your FI wants it, not how everyone else does. Step up and tell her how you feel. Obviously in a nice way. And yes, Kristin, this is the 21st century. You are an adult and should be able to speak to you FILs without your parent's help.

the list?! HELP

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