To make a long story short, I have a future Mother-in_law that I used to get along with very well. Since her son and I got engaged, she has become very pushy about how things should be planned for the wedding. The problem is instead of communicating what she wants to do, she will just do it (such as booking hotels, planning/booking rehearsal dinner, flowers). We are having a destination wedding (but it is still fairly large) which requires a lot of coordinating with both sides of the family.
I have some questions over where to cross the line, and where to step back when dealing with her:
1) Since they are paying for the rehearsal dinner, she made up a guest list without asking me about my family that will want to attend. When they are paying, who is ultimately responsible for the guest list/menu?
2) My fiances sister got married a few years ago, and my FMIL felt that much of her family was "left out" from certain things. She is using this rehearsal dinner to invite everyone she felt was "left out" of his sisters dinner, and the numbers are climbing to 50+ people. I feel that is not a criteria for judging who should be invited, and that the dinner whould be kept to a reasonable number, even if they are footing the bill. Who is right?
2) When you are having a wedding is a small town with limited hotels, how is the best way to make sure everyone gets a room? I am trying to reserve what I can myself for everybody to use, but keep finding out she beat me to booking a place for "her family only."
Please help! I am trying so hard not to have a confrontation, but when I sent her an email asking her to please not book things and ask me before making any decisions that will affect both sides of the family, she calls my fiance saying she feels like her "head is on a chopping block" and "insulted and offended" that I wouldn't trust her to plan things herself.
Re: HELP! FMIL probs, what to do?
2. The immediate families of both the bride and groom, the wedding party, anyone who is expected at the rehearsal + everyone's significant other should be invited to the RD. FMIL may add in anyone else she likes as long as they are on the wedding guest list. The host is not obligated to allow you extra invites for your other family members, but it would be a nice gesture.
3.Apparently, the best way to get hotel rooms for your guest is to beat your competition at reserving rooms. It's most unfortunate that your FMIL is the competition. Your fi should talk to his mother about opening those blocked rooms to accommodate any wedding guests who want them.
Let your fi deal with his own mother. Good luck.
[QUOTE]. I think that is what is irritating me so much; my parents know I'm capapble and are leaving the planning up to me, but my FMIL loudly and constantly comments that I'm not planning well enough.
Posted by Mollybox[/QUOTE]
And where is your fiance in all of this? Why is your FMIL only getting on your case, when both you and your fiance are responsible for the wedding decisions you make? And why isn't your fiance telling her to mind her own business and stop disrespecting you? If he's not doing anything to put a stop to this, you need to seriously rethink marrying him, because this is what the rest of your life is going to be like.
Is she paying for the actual wedding? If not, then she is stepping over the boundaries when it comes to blocking off rooms for your guests and making decisions for the rest of the wedding. I would suggest that your FI and his Mother have a nice sit down to figure things out. Of course her family will be more important to her then your own family but compromises need to be made and both sides need to be considered before any decisions are made
Good luck!
[QUOTE]If your FMIL is paying for the RD, she can plan it how she likes. I would leave the RD alone. She is paying for a party for you and guests and it is one less thing you have to coordinate or pay for. <strong>I would have FI go to bat for you if she is leaving your family out. That is not right. </strong>
Posted by graysquirrel[/QUOTE]
I agree. Fi should remind his mother that your family is hosting both sides of the family for the reception, so she (FMIL) ought to be more considerate of your family.
I would have already freaked the f out at this woman! the rehearsal dinner is about you and your FI not her family.
My FMIL started doing small things that were annoying me and I told her. She didn't realize she was doing it and said she would stop giving negative opinions//being pushy about everything.
Good luck with her. She def sound out of control! tell FI he needs to step up now!!!!
As for the hotels, I would reserve a block of rooms with the hotel and let guests know that they are available via your website, STD, and/or invitations. It is up to the guests to figure out where they will be staying. If your FMIL wants to help them find accomodations, I don't see anything wrong with it. If her side wants to all stay at one hotel, then let them. If she is blocking off huge hotels for her side only, then that is wrong. If the block is in the name of your wedding but only her family is allowed to reserve from it, I'd have FI tell her that if it is in the name of your wedding, it should be available to all guests equally.
If your FMIL isn't paying for anything else, she gets no say. She should not be ordering any flowers without your consent. The best thing to do is to have FI explain things to her and have you stay out. He needs to stand up for your right to plan your own wedding.
[QUOTE]Oh, he does tell her to cool it when she makes remarks about our wedding planning. We both were at a loss with the RD though, and the etiquette for who is responsible for what.
Posted by Mollybox[/QUOTE]
He tells her to cool it? Well, that ought to teach her.