Registry and Gift Forum

RANT about an Ungrateful friend/Bride

I went to a friend's bridal shower this weekend and did not buy her a gift off of her registry. Instead I typed up some of my favorite recipes and made them into a "cookbook" for her with room for her to add her own recipes over time. I also included a cute apron. I thought the gift was a nice idea and was thoughtful seeing as I had not just picked something off her registry. When she opened the gift in front of all her shower guests she loudly said: These weren't on my registry!When I tried to explain that I just wanted to give her something personal and share something that I cared about with her she told me that there is a reason for a couple registering and asked for the next gift without so much as a thank you!I just needed to vent!

Re: RANT about an Ungrateful friend/Bride

  • Thats awful. I can't believe she said that to you! I think thats a very nice gift and its much more thoughtful then picking something off the registry.
  • Registry=Suggestion, not Must GetWow, thats a pretty rude bride.
  • While, I understand hoping for registry gifts, some of my favorite gifts were things my friends came up with on their own. Other creative gifts were not my cup of tea. Ultimately, I preferred receiving registry gifts because these were things I actually needed. However, you can be sure that I made a positive fuss about each gift I received. I feel tremendously blessed to have such thoughtful and generous friends. Sounds like your friend can use a lesson in manners. Perhaps you should be creative with her wedding gift as well. I am thinking an etiquette book, I have a feeling she doesn't own one!
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  • Wow, What a rude and ungrateful witch. I hope someone gave her a talking to after the shower. That was a great gift idea, but even if you'd given her a used coffee mug, she should've smiled and said thank you.
  • I would have loved that as a gift! Give yourself a gold star and forget about her tactless response to a thoughtful gift.A little PSASpeaking of registries, they are just a suggestion but please people, don't buy someone something "like" what's on their registry. I registered for items that I really do want and will buy after the wedding if we don't get.My step-sister registered for wonderfully soft brown towels from her favorite and affordable brand.  She got brown towels from relatives that were so happy to announce that they founf the same color towels at kmart for much cheaper. They are rough and although the same color, not the items she was hoping for.
  • I would have wanted to leave the shower as well, but I don't know if I would have had the nerve. Didn't you ask for advice on here about this gift. As I recall, most people were thinking your cookbook idea was a great idea. I know a lot of people have recipe card showers, and I don't know how this is any different. I can't believe someone didn't call her out on how rude that was. Did anyone at the shower say anything about it?
  • Yep, I did indeed ask for advice about whether or not to it was a good idea and I felt really confident walking into her shower that I had a thoughtful and appropriate gift. After her little tantrum about the gift the room really fell silent and despite her mother, aunts and grandmother there no one said anything. I just sat there trying to fight the urge to cry. I know that seems like a stupid response to want to cry but I really care about cooking and those recipes were my own personal recipes that came either from my relatives or my own trial and error. I've already taken her off my friend list, it's just hard because her fiance and mine have been best friends since high school and our each others Best Man. 
  • Wow.  Just wow.My mother would have smacked me in front of all the guests if I had muttered anything half as horrible as this.
  • That is absolutely unbelievable! What an ungrateful biitch! My mom would have backhanded me if I said anything like that. FWIW, if I would have received a gift like yours it probably would have been my favorite gift. For real. I love stuff like that. Your 'friend' is just a spoiled brat with no manners. If I were you, I would not give her a wedding gift and consider not attending her wedding. I like Retread's idea of giving her an etiquette book though..
  • That has to be the saddest story about manners I have ever heard, somehow that girl was not taught that all gifts deserve thank yous, and personal, heartfelt gifts deserve gracious thank yous and genuine smiles. Not your fault at all, the other women in the room hopefully waited till she was alone, and then beat her brutally with her new salad tongs...which she prob approved of bc they were "on her registry" If it means anything to you, like the pp said that is a gift I would love as well. I would have rushed home to dog ear the pages I loved the most, but that is just one cook to another:)
  • OMG that is horrible what an ungrateful witch...i'm scared that might be happening to me in the near future at a friend's shower as she wants a sex toy party and i'm only going to bring a gift card *it is to Victoria's Secret so comeon* but wow what an a** I would have loved a gift like that. yes i have registered and would love to have the stuff from there and it's there to help keep people in line so i don't wind up with 3 toasters but i would have loved a personalized cookbook. I would have even forced you to come over one day and help me cook stuff from it. I'm terribly sorry about this and I hope you find better more grateful friends soon.
  • Just wanted to say thank you to all of you who voiced your support. I'm glad I wasn't over reacting and I LOVE the idea of an etiquette book for a wedding gift. I love theKNot. 
  • While you surely do not need ANOTHER person to tell you that she acted inappropriately, I would also have loved to receive that sort of a gift. at my shower 2 sisters (one married last month) got me ALL of my baking sheets/pans on my macys registry and included a favorite recipe to be made on each (loaf, muffins, etc). The crappy part of being in your shoes is that you can't really NOT be at the wedding since your husband is best man, nor can you cut her/her husband out of your life with your husband. Certainly you will be the bigger person!
  • Wow, i seriously would have wanted to cry as well, i'm super sensitive!  That is such a thoughtful gift and your "friend" sounds like an awful person.  Like other girls have said, the registry is a suggestion, not a necessity.  Yes, unfortunately it sounds like you have to be the bigger person since your FI's are best friends.  But that doesn't mean you have to be friends.  You can be cordial and that's about it.  Sorry to hear about this story, it makes me so sad...people need to realize its the THOUGHT that counts!
  • While I agree that it was not right for the bride to say something in front of her shower guests, it is not right for you to complain if she did lot like the gift. That is her choice. She told the truth. Would you rather have a friend that lied to you? THE TRUTH is that you liked the gift and this is a gift that you would like to receive. That is okay for you. The problem is that you may have come across cheap and not truly caring about what she really wants. Did you ever really ask yourself if she really likes to cook? Unless you Julia Child or Martha Stewart and she has raved about your recipes and told you specifically that you MUST share your secrets, I would be really conservative about giving this gift in the future. I just want to save you some heartache in the future. You will offend more brides in the future --they may not tell you the truth, but your recipes should always be free and not used as a gift. A good friend listens to people, and they try to give them something that shows that they took the time to get to know THEM. And a good friend tries to not change someone. If they like purple, you do not try to get them to like blue. I do not think that a friendship should be discontinued for this reason. Gift giving is not easy. The best gifts that I have received have come from people who have listened to what I really wanted and really needed, and they also came from people who took the time to get to know me.
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  • I'm not angry that she didn't like the gift, I'm angry that she said what she did. I went to culinary school and have always been complimented by her and her FI any time they have been over to my home to eat. Many times she had said that she would love to have a collections of the recipes I do and that a goal of hers was to learn to cook well. In the card that went along with the gift I stated that any time she needs help in the kitchen I am more then happy to come over and help her make a dinner with her. Also, her registry was mainly things to use in the kitchen. I don't appreciate being called cheap especially when, I personally believe, that a gift shouldn't be about how much it cost. When I looked on her registry many of the items that had not been purchased were $60-85 and I personally can't afford to pay that for just a shower gift. My FI is the best man in their wedding so not only have we had to pay for his tux,  bought a specific pair of sneakers, not included in the tux rental,  for him to wear at the wedding as per requested by the groom that cost $70 but we have also been asked to pay for a portion of both the bachlorette party, bachlor party, a wedding shower gift as well as a wedding gift, drinks at their wedding and participate in a dollar dance at their wedding. It adds up to be a lot of money. By buying a nice album with laminated sheets, typing up some recipes and buying her a cute apron I saved some money but also gave a gift that I thought was personal, thoughtful and helpful. Being a good friend doesn't mean buying something off a sheet of paper without putting any thought into it. A final note on this is that the Bride-to-be wasn't even pleased with some of the gifts she recieved that were on her registry. She asked infront of all her guest if a particular friend had the reciept for the gift she recieved because she had changed her mind and no longer wanted an item that she registed for and recieved as a gift.
  • I gave a recipe book as a gift one time, and the bride told her FI (who was a friend of mine - not the bride) that this meant that I didn't think she could cook or otherwise care for FI. Some people are just ungrateful nuts.
  • Wow, asking for the gift receipt, there, really, in front of everybody?! This girls sounds like a winner. NOT. This story just keeps getting worse. I would have loved your gift. I love the idea of a etiquette book, or even just a simple manners book because it doesn't sound like she has any. I mean, thats just common courtesy to be gracious about gifts. Well, I would say you did a great job on your gift and you don't need to worry about what she liked/did.
  • Yeah, this story just keeps getting worse.  I mean, you obviously knew that she liked to cook, that is why you made the book for her.  If there were something else that you were really good at and she enjoyed, you would have made a gift for that instead. You don't need to justify yourself.  She was just wrong to do that.  And yes, i do think people should be grateful for a gift, even if they don't love it.  Weddings are definitely expensive, especially if you or FI is involved in the wedding party.  She was just wrong and you shouldn't feel bad at all!
  • I'm sorry Irishsapphire but I disagree with you.I hate cooking, but if someone got me that I would smile and genuinely be thankful for the gift. It takes more time to do a gift like that then go pick up a gift that the bride already picked out. I realize as should every bride, that not everyone is made of money, and not everyone can afford to spend $50 plus dollars on a gift!It doesn't matter what gifts you are given, its a bridal shower, everyone is there for YOU, and you need to at least hold the pretense that every gift is a great gift!
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  • Ugh....WTH is wrong with people!
  • I agree that it is not important how much you spend on someone.  But it would have been affordable to give a $10 to $20 gift certificate to a store that she liked.  It would have also have been affordable to go into a store that she registered at, buy some good kitchen accessories that were affordable with a budget that worked for you and attach a gift receipt (I thought it was really creative that my guests did this, it did not matter that they did not buy the exact things on the registry, it meant a lot that they bought the items from place that I liked).  And you could have said that exact sentiment in a note that you were trying to accomplish.  I just believe that you should have asked her first about the recipe book and then just given it to her not as a gift but as a good friend later on after her wedding.  I think every bride wishes more guests would include gift receipts, even if it is on her registry (some places are really strict with returns-how many times have I heard about Target return policy).  I honestly thought more clearly after my wedding and the honeymoon about what was really going to work for the home. 
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  • I don't care if the friend gave her moldy poo in a brown paper bag.  A gracious bride (and a nice person) doesn't make any comment of their like/dislike of a GIFT, ever, let alone at a shower in front of her friends and family.What this bride did shows how awful and ungrateful she truly is and, more than that, it was mean.  It doesn't matter what the gift was, there is no excuse to behave like that.
  • reguardless,she should be thankful someone like you thought about her,and be thankful.i know i would.
  • I tend to think that you probably put a lot of thought in your gift.  I remember in high school there was this girl who made amazing chocolate chip cookies.  I could never in a million years figured out how she did it, and we always asked her to make them every time we had parties.Finally during our holiday part senior year she gave out the recipe on cards to everyone who wanted it.You probably felt offended because you assumed she would think as strongly about these recipes you put together for her as you do.  When it comes to cooking, a lot of people take that skill for granted. They will ask you for recipes without the thought that it is your recipe and that you spent time and money to create it.If you think you gave your best effort and she was ungrateful, then you have a case of casting pearls before swine. You have given something the person is unable/unwilling to appreciate.  That can be hurtful.  What you do with that hurt will determine if you are the better person.You can let it go. You can still give her a gift on her registry prolly not a really expensive one.  Or you can call her on it.Honestly, from what you have written the confrontation will probably be more painful for you than it will be for her since she appears to be more materialistic than sentimental.  It is better if you protect your feelings and let it go.
  • woooow that is NOT the point of a registry!  I like abs99's idea of the etiquette book.  Seriously.  Do it.
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  • I completely agree with you that she was wrong.  Your idea was a GREAT one, my friends made me a cookbook together and they each put in a recipe, and it was so special!The one thing I can say in her defense is that she may have been nervous and just blurted it out.  I was SO nervous at my shower (I feel uncomfortable with all eyes on me), I bet I would have forgotten my name if you asked me quick, that's how nervous I was.  Maybe she just made a stupid mistake??  I hope???
  • Irish i disagreee. A gift is a gift, you should accept it graciously even if you despise it. Getting gifts from your guests for your wedding or engagement is nice but thats not the purpose of inviting them, they are there to witness your love and show their suppot. Its nice of them to bring a gift but a registry isnt an oath that the guests are signing in blood when they rsvp.
  • It's unbelieveable how entitled some people behave.

    Your gift was very nice. Sorry your friend is such a tactless ass. I'd think twice about ever giving her a gift again. She doesn't seem to understand the point of them.
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