Hi Knotties,I haven't been on lately, but I know this is such a supportive and knowledgeable group that I just want to get something off my chest. Hopefully, I can get some honest thoughts and feedback about this situation.My fiance, Paul, and I were recently in a wedding. The groom, let's call him Calvin, is his cousin. They are very close. The bride, let's call her Kathy, is someone that we didn't know too well. They were engaged last January, and married this June. Calvin asked Paul to be his groomsmen, and at the same time, Kathy asked me to be her bridesmaid (out of the mistaken belief that as a couple, we both had to be in the wedding party). Although I didn't know her well, I agreed.Four months later, in May, Paul and I went to Europe and he proposed. When we came back engaged (our date is next May), the couple took us out to dinner to celebrate, and we thought that was a lovely gesture.Over the course of Calvin and Kathy's wedding planning months, we became closer. We got our dresses at the same Running of the Brides event, we went shopping for bridesmaids accessories. Being a designer, I was also asked to design their wedding invitations. The whole bridal party spent many weekends printing, cutting by hand, and assembling 150 DIY wedding invitations with vellum, hand-tied ribbons and charms.Then one day, my fiance's best man overheard something very disturbing. It turns out that Kathy had said to another family member that Paul and I had "only gotten engaged because they had gotten engaged. Or else how do you explain the 2 proposals being months apart?? They are trying to compete with us." My fiance and I felt very betrayed and hurt. Paul said he was very angry; he proposed to me because he loved me, and to have someone question his motives was very hurtful, especially coming from someone who we were going to be related to in the future, and going to be in the bridal party for.So apparently Kathy was never really happy for us getting engaged, and all the while we were helping them with their wedding planning. I got the sense that she thinks the world revolved around them, and that whatever other people do, whether it be getting engaged, or buying a car (which we both did), or buying a house (which we are both going to do) it would always be because they did it first.My fiance and I were very sad. This caused a rift between all of us. Because we are all around the same age, and in the same situations, getting married, buying a house, and starting a family, we really wanted the feelings of happiness to be mutual. Instead of being happy for us, Kathy felt like we were "stealing her thunder" because we were doing the same things they were.We finally confronted them about it, and they grudgingly apologized. We told them how we felt hurt that they felt this way about us, and the apology that I received from Kathy was the most insincere, arms-crossed, frowning gesture that I have ever witnessed.Paul and Calvin are close, so he still continued to be a part of the bridal party, as did I, who wanted to keep family relations civil. I even attended the bridal shower. Well, flash-forward to June of this year.On their wedding day, we helped them out as much as possible to make the day go smoothly. We acted cordial, and everything went well. Of course we wanted to make their wedding day perfect for them.The final nail came last week. Paul and I received a Thank You note from the couple. It said "Your presence was greatly appreciated... Best regards, Calvin and Kathy." Wow, the most impersonal thank you card I have ever seen. I sign letters to business clients with "Best Regards" and more love than that. Thanks guys.But now that it's all over, it's still awkward. We see each other at family gatherings, and Kathy will avoid me like the plague. The whole family knows about what happened, so it is like walking on eggshells around them all the time. I just hate how we know that deep down, there will be a couple at our wedding next year that is not truly happy for us on that day, and is just putting on a face. What I hate even more is that this girl Kathy has broken a life-long close relationship between my fiance and his cousin.Sorry for the long rant, ladies. It just hurts.
