Dates for Guests

thayabrook · August 2009

I've heard that people get very upset if they don't have a "date" for a wedding. I don't get this. We plan to invite spouses, finaces, and live-ins, but dates? It's not a prom. I've always gone to weddings solo (even since I met my fiance -- he'd just be bored and I'd feel like I had to entertain him when what I really wanted was to see my friends!!). Now people are saying it would be rude or unfair not to invite "and guests." I would be willing to consider it if I could only understand it. Why is a wedding a date thing?

LarissaAnn · August 2009

I've always brought an "and guest" when invited to a wedding with one, because I am a dancer and want someone on the floor with em. BUT, we invited people without "and guest"s, and no one got upset about it.

LarissaAnn · August 2009

Ugh... on the floor with ME, not "em."

wadingmoose · August 2009

I've only ever gone to a wedding solo ONCE in my life (since becoming an adult) and that was a friend in university and the whole group of us were invited sans date, but we were a really close group of friends.Other than that, yeah, I'm not really into weddings all that much and I'd probably skip a wedding that expected me to go solo.

JenandJeff2009 · August 2009

Guests above 18 who are in a serious relationship and/or living together need to be invited with a date. They are a social unit. I would definitely not attend a wedding that my FI was not invited to. I find this comment to be VERY strange: he'd just be bored and I'd feel like I had to entertain him when what I really wanted was to see my friends!!).

SwedishChick2011 · August 2009

You don't have to invite +1s for everyone. Just spouses, fiances, and live ins, like you said...although I'd probably add serious bfs/gfs to that even if they don't live together.

SwedishChick2011 · August 2009

We invited +1s for all of our single guests just in case, though, because we really weren't sure about everyone's relationship status...and it really is nice to be able to go to a wedding with someone instead of by yourself. But it's not a requirement.

C W · August 2009

It just makes your guest more comfortable to be there with someone. It can be awkward being the single guest in a room full of couples. Also, sometimes the guest doesn't know many people there, so it's nice for them to be able to sit with someone they know. FWIW, only one of my not married/not engaged friends chose to bring a random date (not really random but brand new girlfriend who we'd never met). The rest of the singles chose to come alone.

[Deleted User] · August 2009

You don't have to invite guests, but if I were invited alone, there is a good chance that I would attend the wedding. Not out of spite, just b/c I wouldn't want to be alone all night.

[Deleted User] · August 2009

Oops! I meant "wouldn't attend the wedding"

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt · August 2009

So, hopefully, every single person you're inviting has other friends invited as well. Because I certainly wouldn't be going to a wedding solo if I only knew the bride and groom. Even when I'm in weddings, I"m lucky to get a quick hug and congrats in before they're off to the next person. If I didn't know anyone else, I'd be sitting at my table bored. No, I actually wouldn't be going at all. People don't have to bring guests, but it's nice to do whatever you can, as the hosts of this party, to make them comfortable. Unless, that is, you don't care if they attend or not.

*BeachBride0410* · August 2009

We are not inviting +guests. I am addressing the invite to the exact people invited. Spouses/fiances/boyfriends or girlfriends that my FH and I know about. I personally do not want people coming to my wedding that I don't know or pay for them to eat. I went to a wedding once that I knew no one, not even the couple getting married, and it was very uncomfortable. We are having a destination wedding too, so my situation might be a little different.

lyndausvi · August 2009

I think it really depends on the person and the situation. If I was going to a family wedding, I never brought a date (meaning I was not dating anyone at the time). I knew pretty much everyone at the wedding so a date might have even gotten in the way. Now if I was going to a wedding of a co-worker or maybe a friend and I do not know very many other people, then yes, I would bring a date.

wadingmoose · August 2009

I'd think that would be even more awkward for a DW. If I were to get on a plane to go to a wedding somewhere else, I'd make a vacation out of it. To make a vacation out of it, I'd take a friend or a date. Then I get to say "Well, I'm off to the wedding you're not invited to. Ta ta!"

cantblobubbles · August 2009

For us, 95% of our guest are family. Aunts, Uncles and Cousins are the majority. It might even be a bit higher, no exaggeration. Is it still weird to have an invite on the singles without a date? It's not like it would be awkward, because they know at least half of the other guests.

SparrowSong · August 2009

Just like a party, it can suck to go alone. If you know a lot of people there, it's one thing. Still we plan to allow all single adults to bring a guest if they want to. They don't HAVE to. But the option is available if it will make them more likely to have a good time.

[Deleted User] · August 2009

I don't really get the whole "I don't know you, so I don't want you at my wedding" thing. If a person is good enough for me to invite, then I trust them to bring a date. At some point, it has to be about the guests comfort too. That being said, DW are a bit different and I can see it being weird for a random to be there if there are only 10 - 20 ppl at the whole wedding.

C W · August 2009

I think it's always important to invite the +1s, ESPECIALLY for DWs! I wouldn't want to take a vacation alone and don't really know anyone who would think this is a good idea. Be prepared for a lot of your single guests to not attend, I know I wouldn't.

*BeachBride0410* · August 2009

All of our guests know each other and their are plenty of other single people to hang out with. Mainly family and close friends I agree it is different depending on situation.

*BeachBride0410* · August 2009

*there

Emstarme · August 2009

I don't think you need to invite dates for those who aren't in a serious relationship unless they don't know a lot of people. I think there are a lot of guys who don't enjoy going to weddings; I'm not sure if they all admit that. I would not mind at all going to a wedding by myself as well, if it was a wedding for my friends or family.

wadingmoose · August 2009

I think destination weddings are poorly thought out for that reason. I don't mind traveling alone, but I know a lot of women who just won't. But if I were going to the typical destination wedding spot - a beach resort full of couples, then yeah, I'd just save my money and stay home if you expected me to go alone and make a vacation out of it with family. There's a reason I don't vacation with family.

laurening · August 2009

A wedding is a date thing because you want your guests to have fun and be comfortable. If you have a lot of singles who all know each other than having dates isn't as big of a deal, But if most of your guests are coupled off and you have a single, he/she may feel awkward when everyone around them is with someone, even if the single guest is good friends with a lot of people (esp when the couples are dancing). Or, you may have a guest that doesn't many other guests or doesn't know them well.

tlv204 · August 2009

We didn't invite any truly single people with a guest unless they wouldn't know a lot of people at the wedding. IMO if you know a lot of the people I honestly don't understand why it would suck to go alone. If you're traveling or don't know anyone, yeah that would suck.

*BeachBride0410* · August 2009

Before we planned our destination wedding, we consulted with the people who are closet to us, for opinions. They all loved the idea. I have a lot of single girlfriend who are making the trip together, they don't mind not having a date. We just got lucky that the people who are in a relationship, we know them and their significant other.

Loopyseven · August 2009

I have a good friend from high school that when I called her with the "save the date" message so she and her family could plan for the trip to Ohio, she responded with "great, that gives me a year to find a date"... Currently she is not on the list with a +1 although if she starts dating someone in the next 13 months we wouldn't have a problem inviting him. I kind of let it slide at this point... Is she really gonna ask some random person to travel to Ohio from Wisconsin for a weekend to be her date at a wedding? I'll cross that bridge next year I guess.

fangsiting · August 2009

I think it's best to let the guest decide if they want a date or not and to extend plus 1s to everyone. If they want a date & will have more fun/feel more comfortable, then bring them. I trust my friends & family enough to bring someone cool to the wedding. If they feel like they know enough people and will have fun alone, then they can come alone. I expect that many of my friends will do that, just as I have. I'll always gone to weddings alone if I wasn't dating anyone and knew a lot of people. It's more fun to catch up with friends than entertain a date who knows no one.

colleen1414 · August 2009

good point thayabrook, why IS a wedding a automatic date thing?

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