Living Situtaion Question

vanered15 · August 2009

Morning Ladies, I have a question its not a problem that i'm having but its been in my head lately. Well me and my FI dont live together we r neighbors and weve been together almost 5 years (getting married on our 5 yr anniversary) and the wedding is in a couple months Ive seen around that people are usually living together before they get married and some say that its good if u do that. People say that if u get move in after u get married that its horrible. I have strict parents and never in their right mind would they let me move out and with a guy even worse (ONLY CHILD) but other than that do u think its wrong of moving in after marriage?? What are u gals opinions????

tshura · August 2009

It's not wrong moving in together after marriage. It's based on your morals and beliefs. But from personal experience - you really know someone when you live with them....when you move in together after marriage - you will need to adjust and adapt - just as you would if you moved in now - but at that piont you will learn more about each other. I hope I am making sense!

avee10 · August 2009

I have pondered this question myself many times. My fiance asked me to move in with him soon after we started dating. I told him I did not feel comfortable doing that and that the only way I would live with a man was if we were engaged or at least talking about marriage (just my personal opinion, not passing judgement on anyone).Once we got engaged however, we realized that since we are paying for the wedding ourselves, it is financially better for us to stay where we are as long as possible. He currently lives with roommates and I live with my parents (where I pay rent of course). We will begin to look for a place about 5 months before the wedding and move in together whenever we find something. that may be 4 months before the wedding or the same month as the wedding, who knows.I feel that although it will be a big change once we move in, it really wont make a difference. It will make it more difficult to learn how to cohabitate but I feel that if you really love someone you will make it work regardless.I dont think you should worry about it too much. Living together before is great but waiting to live together is as well because it adds a bit more to the "getting married" aspect.

tazdvl3 · August 2009

I think you need to do what you feel comfortable with. If you want to wait after the wedding then wait. I will say this. DH and I moved in together before the wedding. I don't think it's HORRIBLE, but it is a challenge. Regardless it'll be a challenge before or after. GL with the decision!

rclnd83 · August 2009

i think communication and honesty will be key. If you guys talk about the responsibilities that each of you will have to take care of your new nest I think you can avoid lots of arguments. Also I think its all ok. My sister left the house like that and she's happily married and lives in hawaii.

cinthia122 · August 2009

I have been with my FI for 3 and a half years, and we did not live in together until a year later. We then bought our house 6 months after living together, and I have no regrets. He is my best friend, my supporter, and I could not see myself living with anyone, but him. As far as living together after marriage I think it just comes with being married. What were you guys thinking of doing?

**Octoberbride09** · August 2009

I can't say that either way is wrong or right because I don't think there's a yes or no to this question. It's a personal preference and to everyone it's different. I can only provide you with insight on what I experienced. I moved in with my FI 2 years ago on our 2 year anniversary. I moved in with him because I was getting my own place when he suggested we move in because I was at his place 24/7 pretty much anyhow. I don't regret living together before we're married because frankly, it's true what they say about not knowing someone until you move in with them. Moving in together puts you through many difficult challenges. Men and women are not meant to co-habit. PERIOD. You grow up and you learn a lot. It was so much easier before to get in a fight, go home, and call it a night. Nope can't do that when you live together. You compromise and learn to work as a team! You can't always go hang out with your buddies because you have someone who is at home and made your dinner for you and is waiting up. It's like a marriage and I don't regret one second of it. Now it's not all bliss either. You have to deal with a lot of technicalities. You're pretty much his wife but without the title and believe it or not some people will make you feel like crap for it. During holidays you always get that weird ummm.. is she the family/non-family? because your on the boards I'm assuming your engaged but if your not that's a biggie too. When you live together and are not engaged you always think"hmmmm.. where it this going?" It's a lot to consider but at the end of the day I'm happy I did it because now I know what I'm signing myself up for. I'm also glad because we've got to spend time together alone as a couple before we went all crazy getting married and having babies. IMHO

YHFoxtrot · August 2009

Everyone is different. Many people do believe it helps to live together before hand b/c it gives you a glimpse into what married life would be like, and sometimes when you live with someone you might find out a bit more about a person and know for sure that you are comfortable with everything about them. That said, many couples wait until after they are married to live together and I don't think that is "horrible". Hopefully when you move in together you'll just get closer.

vanered15 · August 2009

Thanks for the opinions. I have extremely strict parents so moving out in general was out of the question. Honesly me and the FI always talked about it but it never happened. I work 2 jobs, in graduate school and graduating OH WAIT AND PLANNING A WEDDING. It would be too much to take in and financially with what i make it just covers my basic bills and money for the wedding so moving out was out of the question. I asked cause i wanted to wonder what u girls thought about it and what u girls did thanks sooo much

[Deleted User] · August 2009

I'm with you Vanered, FI and I have been house hunting since we got engaged and my mom always puts her 2 cents in saying: "well if you guys find a place before the wedding then ofcourse your going to rent it out until you get married RIGHT?" LOL!!!! I go along with it now because we havent had any luck finding a property we like, but if we do buy something before we get married then i might move in who knows. I'll cross that bridge when i get there =)GL!!!

TtotheG · August 2009

I like to try my shoes on before I buy them

Anagloria83 · August 2009

So, Gheorghe and I have been together for 9.5 years and we still don't live together. It's never been a moral issue for us, it just couldn't happen earlier and I'm still not moving in officially. Mostly, it's because I've never wanted to live with him. I didn't see the point of it if we weren't married. I've been getting lots of questions like, "have you moved in yet?" since we got engaged. I didn't realize I was supposed to. I sleep over on weekends or on off days during the week as it is. Trust me, I'm not in a hurry--I don't want to lose my personal space just yet!

jennej24 · August 2009

Yea right now we don't live together. He has a place and I stay there sometimes. We talked about moving in but since we waited this long (due to other circumstances), now I kind of like the idea of not moving in together until we get married. I have friends who lived together before getting married and they said nothing really changed after getting married. I like the idea that things will certainly be different after we get married. It is hard though cause we live kind of far apart, so I only see him a couple of days a week! At least you guys are neighbors so you can see each other every day.

jennej24 · August 2009

Oh yea I forgot to say I am kinda wondering when I will physically move my stuff, I mean I already have enough stuff there to get me through a couple weeks anyway, so I don't know if I should try to move before the wedding (that seems like it might be stressful with a million other things going on) or just wait until after the honeymoon, although then maybe it won't feel like I really live there if all my stuff isnt' there....we'll see.

**Octoberbride09** · August 2009

Lmao Tess!

rrive008 · August 2009

I live at home with my mom and he lives with his parents. My mom wouldn't necessarily have liked the idea of me moving in with someone before I get married but she wouldn't forbid me either. Luckily for her, I want to stay home until I get married. and thanks to living at home, FI and I have the money for the wedding we want, and for the house we want.

sugadumplin18 · August 2009

My FI and I have been together for over 6 years and we own a home together. However, I do not live there. I, like others have said, really had no desire to live with him since we were not married. I have no regrets and we both have somthing to look forward to after the wedding.

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