Catholic Priest

Mypasmita · August 2009

So this is a vent and a request for rec.I'm protestant and go to Church every Sunday and very involved in my Church.Fi is Catholic and goes only maybe once a year if that, but comes to my church when he's here in the States.We've been planning this wedding and the church was set.We are getting married at my church. No brainers, right?Wrong! 6 month into the planning, Fi now wants to get married in a Catholic Church because he is Catholic. He doesn't even go to Church. Grrr!So we settled (finally) on having it at my church and having both my Pastor and a Catholic Priest officiate.::vent over, now constructive steps::Is that possible?Where do I find a priest who can do a wedding outside of his parish?The wedding is Sunday. Isn't that a big no-no for Catholic priest?TIA

BILLSFUTUREWIFE · August 2009

I am catholic and maybe I'm wrong, but I do not think a catholic priest will marry you outside of a catholic church and definitely not on a Sunday.

jessica0602 · August 2009

BFW is right. You definitely can't get married by a Catholic priest outside of a Catholic church. I'm not certain on the Sunday rules, but I would think that's a no-go as well.

[Deleted User] · August 2009

My aunt was married in a Catholic church with a priest and a rabbi. I think it really depends on the priest. I am not getting married at the parish my parents belong to if that matters.

jewels2730 · August 2009

I went to the strangest wedding in West Virginia once and DH and I still laugh about it. It was at a little Presbyterian or Methodist church and both a minister and a catholic priest did the wedding together. It was the bride's church and the Groom's priest from Catholic school in NJ. It was like Soprano's meets LIttle House on the Prairie. I'm not sure if it was recognized by the Catholic church or not -- I cannot remember the ceremony but it incorporated things from both religions. So I wouldn't rule it out as impossible.

Mypasmita · August 2009

Just great! Grrrr. Thanks ladies. I guess i have to decide between: A. Change the church B. Change the date (and all the vendors I've booked so far) C. Tell Fi to Suck it! lol

Mypasmita · August 2009

Oh Jewels, you just scared me and made my heart smile at the same time. I don't want people to think my wedding is strange but you made me feel like it's possible.I almost spilled my water on my keyboard lol'ing (?) at your analogy.

BILLSFUTUREWIFE · August 2009

Call his priest and ask, although he might get an ear full about only going to church once a year! lol

Mypasmita · August 2009

And I am not sure we care about it being "recognized" by the Catholic church. I think he just likes the idea and wants his family to feel "included"

Mypasmita · August 2009

BFR, "his priest" if you want to call him as such, is in London and I am not paying for him to come to Philly for the wedding, but i might just call him to give FI that earful! Maybe it will make me feel better.... lol.I go to that church without Fi when i am in London so maybe i can talk to him next month when I am there..

icebunie · August 2009

Not sure about having a priest there on a Sunday, but maybe a compromise would be having your marriage blessed at his church afterwards?

larrysdarling · August 2009

Not gonna happen.Catholic priests do not marry outside a Catholic Church.You might be able to have your marriage blessed in the Catholic Church later on. I don't think, however, there is anything wrong with your FI wanting to get married in a Catholic Church even if he's not as devout as you are. It's his religion. Why wouldn't he want to get married in a Catholic Church? Why would it be a no brainer that you would get married in your church?

Mypasmita · August 2009

Larrys, The assumption, which was probably wrong on my part, was because of various convos we've had in the past about religion. Like him saying he's not going to church and not into it all but he wants me to teach christian values to the kids, take them to my church and all, etc.I don't have a problem with a specific religion and do not believe in religion/church/etc as such but in God, hence me going to his parrish, even without him when I am in london.Just that he waited all this time even though he knew I had spoken to my pastor about marrying us.

Mypasmita · August 2009

Ice, I like that idea, but i am not sure how he'd take. I think he like the idea of a Catholic ceremony and not necesarely a Catholic wedding if that makes sense.I will talk to him about that. Thanks

[Deleted User] · August 2009

I found this on a Catholic forum: Re: Does the Catholic Church perform weddings on Sundays? Dear N, There is no law preventing weddings from being celebrated on Sundays. However, very, very few parishes allow it because Sundays are such busy days. You might try another parish. I officiated at a Sunday wedding at a parish that allowed it while not allowing such weddings in the parish I was serving as pastor. If I allowed one, I would have to allow as many as requested it—and it would have been overwhelming for the priests and the parking, etc, etc. Your best bet would be at Churches that are not parishes such as chapels at various Catholic institutions. Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.

angel33284 · August 2009

Only a retired catholic priest will marry you outside of the church. And I seriously doubt they will do it on the sabbath.

Mypasmita · August 2009

NVC, thanks for that responseAngel, good point on the retired priest as well as Sabbath

larrysdarling · August 2009

Ok, so after you clarified a little bit it seems as though it's an issue with your FI and dropping this on you sort of last minute.Why all of the sudden is he wanting the wedding in a Cath church? Are there aspects of a Catholic wedding ceremony that you can incorporate into your ceremony instead of moving it to a Catholic Church? Is he just looking for a way to get something he wants in the planning process?

Mypasmita · August 2009

LarryD,I think it has to do with his brother's wedding we attended in canada ~ 2 weeks ago. I asked him what exactely about the catholic wedding he likes and his answer was "Don't you think my brother's weddign was lovely?" I couldn't get more out of him. I think he doesn't want his family to feel like i am taking him to the dark side or something. :)But then again, this must have been his first church wedding so he has nothing to compare it with...

larrysdarling · August 2009

Hmm, well good luck! Sounds like you have a little more digging to do with him to find out if it's the religious aspect or parts of the ceremony he liked...

Ms.BriarRose · August 2009

::disclaimer:: I don't know anything about the Catholic church as I am Lutheran, but...My dad was Catholic when my parents got married (he converted later on), and they scheduled to have a priest preform/participate in the ceremony (the ceremony was at my mom's Lutheran church) because my mom-mom threw a fit that it had no Catholic aspects. A few weeks before though, my dad finally put his foot down and said that neither of them wanted the priest, so they cancelled him and only had the pastor.I just went to my cousin's wedding at Gulph Mills CC on July 11th, and they had her pastor (she's UU) and his Catholic Priest there, and both participated in the ceremony. So obviously, Catholic Priests can preform ceremonies outside of the church, I just don't know if it's 'legally' preformed. If you would like, I can try and get in contact with my cousin and find out who the priest was and pass the name onto you- don't know if he will do Sundays, but at least you know that he will do it outside the church.

Fitkath5 · August 2009

In this diocese, Catholic priests cannot perform outdoor weddings. However, they most certainly CAN and DO perform (or co-celebrate) weddings in Protestant churches. My brother did it 20 years ago! His wife wanted the service in her Protestant church. I know plenty of other people who have done it. I think MORE of an issue will be the "Catholic in good standing" issue. A priest might be willing if he knew/knows your fiance goes to Catholic church regularly. Good luck!

Mypasmita · August 2009

MsBriarRose, Thanks for the explanation/comment. Pretty Please, can you send me that info? Fitkath5 What you said made sense. I lol'ed at the Catholic in good standing cause I know Fi isn't. he got baptized/confirmed when he was younger and i think that's it. If it comes to that, it won't bother me because i'd had done my part

but since I am oh-so nice-and-considerate, I will tell Fi ahead of time so he can get his Catholism in good order in the next 10 months

ValAndRyan · August 2009

I'm sure catholic priests will perform the ceremony outside the church (I believe some do) but it is not recognized by the catholic church unless another mini ceremony is performed afterwards in the church. I'm not sure about a priest doing a ceremony in another church like fitkath said and it being recognized. Not sure about Sundays either.

Ms.BriarRose · August 2009

I just contacted my cousin on FB to send me the details and all on the priest they used. No promises, but I will try and get as much info as possible for you.Hope everything works out; IMO, you probably should sit down and talk this out with FI. If he wants to raise the kids and all in your faith/denomination, and is only really doing this because FMIL is throwing a fit, then that needs to be figured out between the two of you. I know that in my church, if that was the case, my pastor would require us to do a counseling session with each other, explaining in exact terms why one wants it a certain way (and because mom and dad want it isn't an excuse!). His reasoning is that if you are getting married, and can't make decisions like this on your own, it could affect bigger, more prominent decisions later on (ie, will FMIL throw a fit when she discovers you are planning on raising the kids in your faith, and what if FI gives into her then? type questions). I really hope that you and FI are able to work it out so that it's what you two want, not what you being told or mandated to do by everyone else- it's your wedding, not FMIL's!

Mypasmita · August 2009

Thanks Val, I will check with Fi if he wants the wedding recognized by the Catholic Church or if he just want a Catholic ceremony/priest at the wedding. You ladies are great. Thanks for all the comments!

angel33284 · August 2009

I would look for a retired priest. even though they are retired they still have all the rights of active priests. They can still marry people. And maybe because they are retired and don't have to worry about sunday mass they may be willing to do it on a sunday.

foolforfood · August 2009

To the OP, I don't know anything about the Catholic Church, but I went through a similar situation. I'm aetheistic and DH is a non-practicing Jew. I thought hiring a relaxed rabbi would be a great idea. About 8 months after we hired him, DH said he just wanted a regular JP. He had some valid reasons, but I was upset that it took him so long to make it an issue. He knew that the rabbi was already hired and that things were already in motion. I just don't think men "get it". They think anything WR can be changed without any consequences. Anyways, GL!

kpenne01 · August 2009

I've been to a wedding at a protestant church with both presiding. Same situation, the bride was protestant and the groom catholic. It was a LOT shorter than the typical catholic wedding. It really seems like your FI is just looking for a nice ceremony, which you can have at a protestant church. Maybe you two could lay out the ceremony structures and kind of customize your own with the key elements of each. Also, Sundays are busy at most parishes, so it may be difficult to find availability of a preist/church.

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