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Just Engaged and Proposals

nervous about booking the venue pre-engagement!

my boyfriend and i are going into the army after we graduate college next year, and know that we are getting married right after. we consider ourselves practically married, the commitment is there, but we just haven't gotten "officially" engaged with the ring and such because we want to finish our rotc camp this summer before we really celebrate with our family, etc.

everyone knows it's coming, and we're all very excited, but i'm nervous because we need to get married in june before we go to training. i want to get married at this gorgeous place, but it's very very popular and i'm afraid it will be booked solid unless we act fast. the bf doesn't mind booking the venue before we get "official" but i dont know how to really propose this to my father, the bearer of the wedding financial burdens. i don't want to jump the gun and ruin the whole engagement process and memories, but we don't have the flexibility to just get married "whenever".
we could leave for training as early as june 1!!!

has anyone out there been in a situation like this or could anyone offer some good advice?

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Re: nervous about booking the venue pre-engagement!

  • Normally I would say booking the venue before being engaged is a HUGE no.....but given the situation...I see where you're coming from. First off...find out if the deposit would be refundable...and if so for how long. Second, is there *any* possible way you and bf can swing paying the deposit, therefore leaving your family out of it for now (maybe your Dad would even pay you back later when you're actually engaged and planning)?
  • I did it.  hee hee hee.  We did it together.  My own advice would be to see if you can pay for the deposit yourself (and get reimbursed later if necessary) so you don't have to tell your dad before they talk or its official.
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  • My caution is i would not count on other people's money until their check has cleared. Something can go wrong and dad cant pay now or later. ( im assuming he has freely offered to pay for your future wedding and not that you are asking him to pay)

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  • I did it!! FI and I had been talking about getting married before he started medical school (this August... eek!) and I told him that the chapel I wanted to get married at books at least 14 months out but that didn't really sink in. So last June I was like "I don't care when you propose but I want to get married at this chapel so I'm booking it!"

    My parents were game but my dad said he wouldn't pay for the chapel until FI asked him for my hand in marriage so FI invited him down to TX and took him out and asked him.

    Some people think I'm crazy for doing that and hell, I just might be!
  • you can do it, but fyi...when you book the venue, you are engaged. the ring doesn't make you engaged, committing to marry each other does! :) good luck!

  • I highly recommend you check out the military bride board as well. There is a thread there ''advice'' or something that mentions wedding insurance. Since you are both miltary, you would certainly qualify to get coverage which would be able to reimburse you should you get pulled into training earlier than planned. In other words, I say talk to your father, book the venue, get the insurance, and recognize that not all engagements are conventional.

    My FI is AD Navy and we are currently on our third wedding date due to his ship's schedule changing. However, we never made the engagement ''official'' with a ring or big party or anything. We talked about getting married, set up a time line, told our parents our intentions and started planning. I don't think there is anything wrong in having an unconventional engagement and getting started planning what you can around the military's craziness.

    Best of luck to you and your FI. :)
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