gift or no gift?

*May10Mrs* · August 2009

A friend and her hubby were married at city hall. They later had a reception with friends and family. I got a message saying "give me your address, I know it is after the fact but I would like to send you an invite" (to reception I am assuming).This was over a month ago, nothing in the mail yet. Do I send a gift? wait? just send a card?TIA for advice

janedoe1113a · August 2009

Why are they sending you an invite to something after the reception is over?

sarah0725 · August 2009

Wait, she wanted to send you an invite to an event that had already happened? What kind of crackheaded move is that?

*May10Mrs* · August 2009

Hey ladies,I thought it was odd too. Yes, the invite is being sent after the reception. The only reason I can think that she would do this is because I no longer live in the same city??Not sure.

*May10Mrs* · August 2009

It is all confusing to me too! I have asked family and friends, they think it is odd too. I pride myself on making sure I send birthday cards, wedding cards/gifts etc...but this one really left me confused!

sarah0725 · August 2009

It kind of sounds gift grabby to me. Is that expected from this girl?

fangsiting · August 2009

Would you have sent her a gift even if you weren't "invited?" If not, I wouldn't send a gift just because of this "invitation." Sending an invitation after the fact is one of the craziest things I've ever heard of. Is she just doing it to get gifts?

*May10Mrs* · August 2009

Hi Sarah, She is normally not that way. She is a friend, but not what I would consider a really close friend. I fear asking any mutual friends for advice, because I do not want it to get back around to her that I asked.

*May10Mrs* · August 2009

Hi Fang, I would have sent at least a card, maybe a gift certificate. I do not believe they were registered anywhere. But on the other hand how would I really know? haha. I looked at a few typical registry sites, and did not see their names.

sarah0725 · August 2009

I agree with fangsiting.If you would have given her a gift anyway, and have a burning desire to send her a gift, then give her one whether you receive an "invitation" or not. If you weren't planning on doing it otherwise, I wouldn't consider this invite-after-the-fact to be any kind of social or etiquette obligation.

nda_roxybabe · August 2009

I would not send her anything. To me thats like having a big birthday party and then weeks later saying "hey, I had a birthday a while ago...."

*May10Mrs* · August 2009

I agree with you all. I think I will send a card, but skip on the gift. I do not think anyone can possibly think I was rude to just send a card and not a gift, especially considering the circumstances???

*May10Mrs* · August 2009

nda, you are right. That was the response my FI had when I first told him about it. I appreciate everyones advice. Thanks! I was quite shocked that is for sure!

nda_roxybabe · August 2009

I would not even send a card. Maybe im just a biitch (although, I don't think so...haha)

peachkins · August 2009

To me, sending an invitation after the event is over is basically just sending an announcement to let you know that it's happened. As far as I know you aren't required to send a gift unless you are actually invited to the event, which you apparently weren't. I would probably send a card to be polite, but I wouldn't send a gift. That's a very odd thing for someone to do.

*May10Mrs* · August 2009

nda, no you are not, not at all

They were ones we have been considering inviting to our wedding, maybe that is why I was so confused on what I should do. I think I am not going to go out of my way, that is for sure

*May10Mrs* · August 2009

Thanks Peach! I never thought of it that way. I always try to follow the rules about these things, but google did not help much! Thank goodness for you ladies. I can sleep better at night now

PiperS · August 2009

maybe she is planning on having a reception or bbq or something for the friends and family that weren't invited to the wedding and she wants to send you an invite for that. maybe the "after the fact" meant that she knows they are already married, but she still wants to have a party. i wouldn't send a gift until i got the invitation or figured out what she meant when she told you that.

*May10Mrs* · August 2009

Hi Pipers, Actually the invite was not to the wedding, the one she said she was going to send was for the BBQ reception, held a few weeks after the wedding. So, all is already said and done. I appreciate you pointing that out though

PiperS · August 2009

oh ok. that doesn't make any sense, hmmm.....i guess send a card and maybe a gift card??? what are you supposed to do with an invitation to an event that is over and that you weren't invited to???

*May10Mrs* · August 2009

hmmm... not sure. THis is a first for me...frame it????

*May10Mrs* · August 2009

Thanks to everyone for the input. I am off to bed, wish I could stick around longer-will read posts in the am. Thanks

gift or no gift?

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