Some background on us :) (renamed)

Cosmocity · July 2010

My boyfriend and I do not call ourselves engaged because we both have a strong conviction that the ring/down on a knee proposal is what makes an engagement, FOR US. If you did it otherwise, we totally won't judge!

However, for knottie land I'd like to explain our situation and why I am posting in "not engaged yet'. We have been together 4 years, on July 8th my boyfriend went to dinner with his mom and they talked a bit about us getting married. They talked about her getting her rings from her security box to be re-set and talked about the fact that He and I have decided not to have a church wedding. He'd already told his dad and step-mom that we plan to get married. Likewise, I've spoke to my parents and they've already offered us money toward the wedding.

All plans I have made I have had his input on. He's seen pictures on the venues and has input on favors and anything else I have window shopped for.
I do not plan behind his back and most importantly I do not lie about our status. I consider us pre-engaged, if you will. I am not ready to call venues or make payments, but we are window shopping until I have my "official proposal".
So, there you have it, I'm sure you'll see a lot more of me around here so I just wanted to give some information!

I love to chat, so feel free to PM me!

Goldlie11 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-clarify-status?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3ae9ddcc-e081-4ff5-8da9-e125bc53f0c5Post:84c1fbc8-7d88-4e4a-92dc-5c1574eb0037">Just to clarify my status :)</a>:
[QUOTE]My boyfriend and I do not call ourselves engaged because we both have a strong conviction that the ring/down on a knee proposal is what makes an engagement, FOR US. If you did it otherwise, we totally won't judge! However, for knottie land I'd like to explain our situation and why I am posting in "not engaged yet'. We have been together 4 years, on July 8th my boyfriend went to dinner with his mom and they talked a bit about us getting married. They talked about her getting her rings from her security box to be re-set and talked about the fact that He and I have decided not to have a church wedding. He'd already told his dad and step-mom that we plan to get married. Likewise, I've spoke to my parents and they've already offered us money toward the wedding. All plans I have made I have had his input on. He's seen pictures on the venues and has input on favors and anything else I have window shopped for. I do not plan behind his back and most importantly I do not lie about our status. I consider us pre-engaged, if you will. I am not ready to call venues or make payments, but we are window shopping until I have my "official proposal". So, there you have it, I'm sure you'll see a lot more of me around here so I just wanted to give some information! I love to chat, so feel free to PM me!
Posted by Cosmocity[/QUOTE]<div>I'll just give you a little advice:</div><div>
</div><div>1. Don't count on any money until the money is in the bank. There have been too many sob stories about money that was promised then never delivered. Sometimes circumstances change.</div><div>
</div><div>2. Favors should be the last thing you are worried about. I'm not against looking at wedding things before being engaged, but favors seem a bit much.</div><div>
</div><div>3. Pre-engaged sounds silly. I would drop that from your vocabulary if I were you.</div><div>
</div><div>Welcome to the board. We're actually pretty nice when you get to know us. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

Cosmocity · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-clarify-status?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3ae9ddcc-e081-4ff5-8da9-e125bc53f0c5Post:49a8cab3-fe4d-48e3-871d-cdcfa610dd38">Re: Just to clarify my status :)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Just to clarify my status :) : I'll just give you a little advice: 1. Don't count on any money until the money is in the bank. There have been too many sob stories about money that was promised then never delivered. Sometimes circumstances change. 2. Favors should be the last thing you are worried about. I'm not against looking at wedding things before being engaged, but favors seem a bit much. 3. Pre-engaged sounds silly. I would drop that from your vocabulary if I were you. Welcome to the board. We're actually pretty nice when you get to know us.
Posted by Goldlie11[/QUOTE]

Thank you for you response :) Favors are just one more fun thing to look at, we have our priorities but I enjoy looking at all the things I could make. Free-form lolipops, chocolate dipped spoons for coffee, theme molds. It's not hurting anyone to look, I'm a big fan of window-shopping DIY projects.

I don't doubt you all are nice, I'm trying to jump in but the layout here is different from what I am used to.

KD+BC · July 2010

Pre-engaged = dating

tafft1 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-clarify-status?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3ae9ddcc-e081-4ff5-8da9-e125bc53f0c5Post:659e1760-a831-4404-8958-8c63720270c6">Re: Just to clarify my status :)</a>:
[QUOTE]Pre-engaged = dating
Posted by KD+BC[/QUOTE]

This , And I think that people give dating a bad name , honestly. Just because you are dating still does not mean your relationship is any less signifigant than those who are engaged or married. It just hasn't come to that step YET. Sometimes I think people invent these new labels to basically try to justify how serious their relationship is. It's really not needed because you never should have to justify it to anyone , just what matters between the two of you. I am not attacking you , this is a general thought on said labels.

I know lots of people that are dating and talking marriage and wedding plans together. They are still dating. They don't need to fill it with pretty names and labels to make themselves feel better with anything. Just saying..

Cosmocity · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-clarify-status?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3ae9ddcc-e081-4ff5-8da9-e125bc53f0c5Post:659e1760-a831-4404-8958-8c63720270c6">Re: Just to clarify my status :)</a>:
[QUOTE]Pre-engaged = dating
Posted by KD+BC[/QUOTE]

That one made me giggle, yes, we are still dating :)

Cosmocity · July 2010

[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Just to clarify my status :) : This , And I think that people give dating a bad name , honestly. Just because you are dating still does not mean your relationship is any less signifigant than those who are engaged or married. It just hasn't come to that step YET. Sometimes I think people invent these new labels to basically try to justify how serious their relationship is. It's really not needed because you never should have to justify it to anyone , just what matters between the two of you. I am not attacking you , this is a general thought on said labels. I know lots of people that are dating and talking marriage and wedding plans together. They are still dating. They don't need to fill it with pretty names and labels to make themselves feel better with anything. Just saying..
Posted by tafft1[/QUOTE]
I do not feel attacked at all, promise! I don't go around introducing my boyfriend as my "pre-fiance", I don't explain to people "we're getting married one day, really". It's not like that, I am perfectly content to admit we're dating.

I plan to be around here, get ideas, give input and meet people. Since I'll be around I just wanted to give some background, the whole "pre-engaged" thing was just to give a general idea of where we stand, you know what I mean? It's not a term I take seriously or expect to be considered or anything like that.

Perhaps I should have went about posting without that intro? <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />

GreenPepperBurger · July 2010

Welcome.

I used to call BF and I "pre-engaged"...when I was 18.

Cosmocity · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-clarify-status?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3ae9ddcc-e081-4ff5-8da9-e125bc53f0c5Post:011dc8f8-a1b4-4b94-b58a-4ff2c9fe10fd">Re: Just to clarify my status :)</a>:
[QUOTE]Welcome. I used to call BF and I "pre-engaged"...when I was 18.
Posted by GreenPepperBurger[/QUOTE]

That one made me grin as well. I admitt, it's a silly term. As I said, not one I take seriously or have ever used before off the internet. It was something I threw in there to explain, not defend, our dating situation. I've been reading threads and what not today, I only typed that as an intro and a way to give more information on us <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" /> Don't worry, if you were to ever meet me you wouldn't hear me talking about my almost fiance that I'm pre-engaged to, LOL! I may talk about my boyfriend though ;)

GreenPepperBurger · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-clarify-status?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3ae9ddcc-e081-4ff5-8da9-e125bc53f0c5Post:9b043b68-b7d2-4abb-9299-ca3866040b44">Re: Just to clarify my status :)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Just to clarify my status :) : That one made me grin as well. I admitt, it's a silly term. As I said, not one I take seriously or have ever used before off the internet. It was something I threw in there to explain, not defend, our dating situation. I've been reading threads and what not today, I only typed that as an intro and a way to give more information on us Don't worry, if you were to ever meet me you wouldn't hear me talking about my almost fiance that I'm pre-engaged to, LOL! I may talk about my boyfriend though ;)
Posted by Cosmocity[/QUOTE]

Fair enough!

run21 · July 2010

How old are you? Your bf? What do you do for a living?

Cosmocity · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-clarify-status?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3ae9ddcc-e081-4ff5-8da9-e125bc53f0c5Post:3af30c82-4916-469d-8c7c-779f4778fe1d">Re: Just to clarify my status :)</a>:
[QUOTE]How old are you? Your bf? What do you do for a living?
Posted by run21[/QUOTE]
Hi! :)

I am 25, and my boyfriend is 28. I do child care on base (Navy) and babysit on the side. What about you?

jeanacorina · July 2010

Hey Cosmo!

It seems like you're going about things with a level head. I'm SO GLAD to see a newbie who is NOT booking vendors while saying "but we're not engaged yet!" It just makes me think "What in your mind makes you say you're not engaged if you're spending money on a wedding?"

Blarg.

Anywho, I get the favors thing, too. I looked at favors casually for a long time before finding the PERFECT thing. June wedding in hot, humid Louisiana? Sandalwood fans! Perfect! We tied little tags on them that matched our invitations and had the quote "Sometimes, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale."

There were so many other things I saw and liked, though. I think it's fine to just tuck ideas away to look at more seriously after you're engaged. Just don't get your heart set on anything! When you're planning a wedding, there are just so many factors and everything can change in the blink of an eye.

Welcome to the board.

Cosmocity · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-clarify-status?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3ae9ddcc-e081-4ff5-8da9-e125bc53f0c5Post:f46710b5-0d1a-4580-8fb5-d09e9b9a7586">Re: Just to clarify my status :)</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey Cosmo! It seems like you're going about things with a level head. I'm SO GLAD to see a newbie who is NOT booking vendors while saying "but we're not engaged yet!" It just makes me think "What in your mind makes you say you're not engaged if you're spending money on a wedding?" Blarg. Anywho, I get the favors thing, too. I looked at favors casually for a long time before finding the PERFECT thing. June wedding in hot, humid Louisiana? Sandalwood fans! Perfect! We tied little tags on them that matched our invitations and had the quote "Sometimes, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale." There were so many other things I saw and liked, though. I think it's fine to just tuck ideas away to look at more seriously after you're engaged. Just don't get your heart set on anything! When you're planning a wedding, there are just so many factors and everything can change in the blink of an eye. Welcome to the board.
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]

I haven't spent a penny on anything or gone to venues, swear! LOL
I just window shop when I have down time from work and play. That fan idea was adorable! Was the saying on the tag a lyric or quote?

jeanacorina · July 2010

It's a quote I found somewhere, I don't know who said it or anything. Every time I've looked it up it's anonymous. But I love it and it really suited us.

oceana919 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-clarify-status?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:3ae9ddcc-e081-4ff5-8da9-e125bc53f0c5Post:84c1fbc8-7d88-4e4a-92dc-5c1574eb0037">Just to clarify my status :)</a>:
[QUOTE]My boyfriend and I do not call ourselves engaged because we both have a strong conviction that the ring/down on a knee proposal is what makes an engagement, FOR US. If you did it otherwise, we totally won't judge!

<strong>Ok....so...?</strong>

However, for knottie land I'd like to explain our situation and why I am posting in "not engaged yet'. We have been together 4 years, on July 8th my boyfriend went to dinner with his mom and they talked a bit about us getting married. They talked about her getting her rings from her security box to be re-set and talked about the fact that He and I have decided not to have a church wedding. He'd already told his dad and step-mom that we plan to get married. Likewise, I've spoke to my parents and they've already offered us money toward the wedding.

<strong>Don't count on the money until it's actually in your hands. Life - layoffs, expensive emergencies, etc. - can get in the way and then you have planned a $20K wedding and only have $10K of your own money stashed away for it and no way to cover the other half.
</strong>
<strong>Once you're actually engaged, you should sit down with your FI and discuss what kind of money you can both realistically put towards your wedding and how long it will take you to put that away. Make plans according to that amount, and if you end up getting money from your parents, adjust your plans accordingly when the time comes.</strong>

All plans I have made I have had his input on.

<strong>What do you mean by plans? Like, do you have general ideas in your head about what you would like, or you have the china pattern registered for?</strong>

He's seen pictures on the venues and has input on favors and anything else I have window shopped for. I do not plan behind his back and most importantly I do not lie about our status. I consider us pre-engaged, if you will.

<strong>There is no such thing as "pre-engaged". Same as there is no such thing as "pre-pregnant" or "pre-dead". Either you are engaged, or you're not. If you're not, it's called "dating". </strong>

I am not ready to call venues or make payments, but we are window shopping until I have my "official proposal". So, there you have it, I'm sure you'll see a lot more of me around here so I just wanted to give some information! I love to chat, so feel free to PM me!

<strong>You should not call venues/vendors or make any payments until you are actually engaged. Period. To be honest, you don't even need to be worrying about favors or color schemes or any of that right now. What you should be doing is enjoying your relationship at the stage it is now, because once he actually proposes, all of that will be gone. You'll miss it - just ask any of the engageds/marrieds on here. </strong>

Posted by Cosmocity[/QUOTE]

**Mutley** · July 2010

I don't understand why anyone would feel the need to clarify their status unless they already felt defensive, so all I can see is

.

Cosmocity · July 2010

Ladies, all I wanted to do is explain who I am and where I am coming from. I know my relationship, and I know I don't have to defend anything. I believe there is a difference between explaining and defending.

What would you like me to say or do at this point? I have NOT spent money, to whoever it was who made it sound like I had. This ia s webpage about weddings, so I figured the logical thing would be to explain why I even had an interest in this place. Does THAT at least make sense?

catemeg · July 2010

Cosmo, stop defending yourself or explaining. Every time you explain, people will tell you that you sound defensive. It's really not going to do anything except add to the fire. Trust me. You have as much right to be here as anyone else, they're just trying to make sure you haven't gone and custom-designed your favors before you both decide you're engaged.

Let me sum this up for you: you've been with your boyfriend for 4 years, you love each other like crazy, you both have agreed you want to get married, have started looking at rings and considering family heirloom jewelry, and have been discussing wedding concepts (church wedding or not, discussing what you want out of a venue, 'window shopping' as you said, etc.) but you're not engaged yet.

See? No mention of "pre-engaged" necessary!

Welcome!

sapphirebaby926 · July 2010

I find it interesting cate that you are concerned about the OP planning things before she's engaged when you have a venue picked out, know which caterer you want, the menu decided, flowers picked out and the structure of your ceremony already decided and you are still not engaged yourself.

Hypocrite much?

oceana919 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-clarify-status?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:3ae9ddcc-e081-4ff5-8da9-e125bc53f0c5Post:dd3cf463-c547-45c8-aa9c-522c3fe56241">Re: Just to clarify my status :)</a>:
[QUOTE]I find it interesting cate that you are concerned about the OP planning things before she's engaged when you have a venue picked out, know which caterer you want, the menu decided, flowers picked out and the structure of your ceremony already decided and you are still not engaged yourself. Hypocrite much?
Posted by sapphirebaby926[/QUOTE]

Saph FTW

catemeg · July 2010

Um, guys, didn't this die like last Friday? How did this offend you so much that it's continued to bother you for a week?

Not being a hypocrite, but thanks. I'm not judging this girl, just trying to help her out and explain the unspoken rules of this board. This girl clearly just didn't phrase things picture-perfect, so she got attacked. And the more she tries to explain something that's pretty reasonable, the more she's just going to be snarked at. So I just suggested a way in which she could phrase things to fit into the generally acceptable venacular around here.

I just happened to have a boyfriend who is thrilled at the idea of marrying me, and we have spoken numerous times about how we would envison our wedding. We also have spoken about how many kids we want, our career goals, and even retirement planning. I never asked you all to approve it, and frankly I never cared what you thought about it, which is why I never came on here asking for your opinions on it.

oceana919 · July 2010

...and yet, you're coming back here, over and over again, to explain yourself yet again. When, supposedly, you don't give a flying fark what all of us think.

Meet

sapphirebaby926 · July 2010

You are giving advice to not plan things before being engaged when you yourself and knee-deep in planning your own wedding when you are also not engaged - that is called being a hypocrite, you know acting in contradiction of your own advice?

Also you specifically told the OP to not respond and be defensive and that is exactly what you are doing now.

So please, tell me how you aren't being hypocritical?

tafft1 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-clarify-status?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3ae9ddcc-e081-4ff5-8da9-e125bc53f0c5Post:a9aa7e22-c876-42e5-a1f0-1768636a7870">Re: Just to clarify my status :)</a>:
[QUOTE]...and yet, you're coming back here, over and over again, to explain yourself yet again. When, supposedly, you don't give a flying fark what all of us think. Meet
Posted by oceana919[/QUOTE]

This is the whole point..if you or anyone are SO COMFTORABLE in your relationship why is there the need for the constant re iterating of the why's ? Frankly thats YOUR insecurity and justification issues, not ours. No one has to agree with you , and vice versa but continually coming back at every bend and turn re explaining the reasons just proves the above point.

GreenPepperBurger · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-clarify-status?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3ae9ddcc-e081-4ff5-8da9-e125bc53f0c5Post:48590999-6456-4ed6-b155-7d6cba94cac2">Re: Just to clarify my status :)</a>:
[QUOTE]Um, guys, didn't this die like last Friday? How did this offend you so much that it's continued to bother you for a week? Not being a hypocrite, but thanks. I'm not judging this girl, just trying to help her out and explain the unspoken rules of this board. This girl clearly just didn't phrase things picture-perfect, so she got attacked. And the more she tries to explain something that's pretty reasonable, the more she's just going to be snarked at. So I just suggested a way in which she could phrase things to fit into the generally acceptable venacular around here.<strong> I just happened to have a boyfriend who is thrilled at the idea of marrying me,</strong> and we have spoken numerous times about how we would envison our wedding. We also have spoken about how many kids we want, our career goals, and even retirement planning. I never asked you all to approve it, and frankly I never cared what you thought about it, which is why I never came on here asking for your opinions on it.
Posted by catemeg[/QUOTE]

Because all of our boyfriends recoil at the thought of marrying <em>us</em>. I'm not going to rehash your own affirmed BSCness, but I personally take offense to that statement.

catemeg · July 2010

And THIS, OP, is what I mean by anytime people attack you and you explain, it is called being defensive and thus used against you further. Glad to lead by example!

hetshup · July 2010

Wait!! Cosmo you live in baltimore!! Will you answer my question in the other thread paging Paint and Mutley. I'm so in over my head right now.

PaigeMcC · July 2010

*grabs lawn chair and cantonese chow mien*

Don't let me interrupt ladies, I'm just enjoying the show:)

oceana919 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-clarify-status?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:3ae9ddcc-e081-4ff5-8da9-e125bc53f0c5Post:942c7baa-eae5-4ad7-8d22-d2fa300ba954">Re: Just to clarify my status :)</a>:
[QUOTE]And THIS, OP, is what I mean by anytime people attack you and you explain, it is called being defensive and thus used against you further. Glad to lead by example!
Posted by catemeg[/QUOTE]

I just find it kinda, well, hypocritical to tell someone not to bother repeatedly justify/explain yourself for fear of getting snarked at/flamed, yet break your own advice in your very next post.

Or not to bother window shopping before engagement when you've practically got your own wedding laid out.

It's kinda like me telling someone not to b*tch when their star player gets traded to an overrated basketball team in SoFLa.

sapphirebaby926 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-clarify-status?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3ae9ddcc-e081-4ff5-8da9-e125bc53f0c5Post:942c7baa-eae5-4ad7-8d22-d2fa300ba954">Re: Just to clarify my status :)</a>:
[QUOTE]And THIS, OP, is what I mean by anytime people attack you and you explain, it is called being defensive and thus used against you further. Glad to lead by example!
Posted by catemeg[/QUOTE]

OP meet cate - fearless crusader for beebee's everywhere!

Some background on us :) (renamed)

Re: Some background on us :) (renamed)

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