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Wedding Etiquette Forum

WWYD? Bachelorette Party Related.... (Long)

I have a friend that offered to plan the bachelorette party and bridal shower for me back when I got engaged. We picked a date and told the parties flying in from out of town so that they had plenty of notice to get flights booked. Fast forward a few months- friend keeps coming to me asking what I want to do. I say "No silly bridal games like the collecting of pins if you say 'bride', nothing too fancy or elaborate, just want to have a great time." She brings NO ideas to the table other than the typical "dancing at a bar". Other friends keep asking if they can help- they have tried e-mailing my friend with no response. Other bridal party members are not being included in the plans despite me voicing to my friend that they wanted to be included. Fast forward to about 2 weeks before. No set plans, no invitations have gone out, no real "plan" at all other than the bridal shower starts at 3, bachelorette party to follow. I have to ask her to send out the invitations, offer to help with postage, addressing, etc. 10 days before- no one has invitations yet. Finally they start trickling in a few days later- post marked about 5 days AFTER she told me she had sent them. At this point- STILL no other bridal party members have been involved. Friend dropped out of "bridal party" due to money issues (wedding is in vegas). Shortly after, she gets fired from her job. I politely asked her to step down as the party planner at this point. She is no longer in my bridal party (at her choice), just got fired from her job, and is down on money. Thinking this would help her money-wise, planning wise, and still salvage the event to where the people coming from out of town don't feel like they flew in for nothing, I let my other friends step in 10 days prior to the event (this weekend) to let them have a shot at planning something they wanted in on from the beginning. My other friend is TICKED. She thinks I rolled over her, dictated what I wanted, that I am ungrateful and acting "entitled". That I should have been happy with what I got and what she was planning for me was a lot nicer than she ever got, etc. WDYT? Should I have let her continue to plan when there were no "set" plans? 10 days before when you have people flying in from out of town and the invitation only says "3pm bridal shower, bachelorette party to follow" is that enough of a reason to be suspicious of what the party would have turned out to be? FURTHERMORE- if she wasn't in the bridal party anymore and short on money, should I still have let her plan it regardless?
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Re: WWYD? Bachelorette Party Related.... (Long)

  • By the way- I offered to remiburse her for any money she had spent up to that point. She refused.
  • If others wanted to help they shoudl have talked to the hostess you should have stayed out of it and been happy for whatever gift you got. Yes you were rude to yoru friend .  
  • Well at this point, the damage is done.  You shouldn't have asked her "step down" as party planner.  For all you know, she may have had the whole night planned but wanted to surprise you.  Besides what is there to plan for a night out?  All you have to do is decide where to go and go there and have a great time.  I can understand that you were nervous that invitations went out late and all, but at least they went out and you do have 10 people coming, you should have let go of the reigns and just let it roll.  It's too late now though.  You need to just apologize to your friend.
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  • Of course she refused.  She was giving you a gift by throwing these parties for you and you basically just said that her gift wasn't good enough. I can understand your frustration, but no one HAS to throw a party for you and you should be happy with whatever you get. You are acting "entitled", just as your friend said.
  • FF Maid- THEY DID. They contacted her several times and she never responded to them. When I asked her if the invitations went out she said she was going to contact them to ask for help to pay for the party. She hadn't bought anything yet and told me as much.
  • The bride is not supposed to be involved in the planning of her bachelorette or bridal showers, other than maybe the BP asking her what she wants to do.  You never should have gotten involved, the other BP members should have put on their big girl pants and talked to your friend themselves.  Yes, you are acting entitled, and yes you were rude.
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  • Mine is next Friday. No set plan, no invitations. People know when it is, we will figure out something before then. It isn't that big of a deal.
  • On top of it all- if I should be happy with what I got, then why did she keep asking me what I wanted to do? It was like I was planning the party! If she was throwing it- why do I have to tell her what I want? I can understand ideas being given to me and saying "which do you prefer?" but not just coming to me with nothing and asking me what I want to do. Why did you offer to plan it then if you are just relying on me to tell you what I want?
  • By the way- funny how I told my other bridal party members the same thing and they didn't need my help at all with it. They have it all planned out and from what I hear, the guests are a lot more exited about it now that they know more details about what they are doing.
  • You still should have graciously told her what you'd like to do and allowed her to plan the rest.
  • Why did you offer to plan it then if you are just relying on me to tell you what I want? Wait, so let me get this straight.  You're pissed because she asked you what you wanted for your bachelorette party instead of just planning it herself, and then you're pissed because she didn't give you enough information on what she was planning for your bachelorette party?  Girl, you are chock full of the crazy.
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    If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat. image

  • When she asked, you could have offered specific and valid input and ideas instead of "nothing too fancy or elaborate, just want to have a great time." No pressure there! If you really didn't care, then you should have let her plan whatever she wanted, on her schedule. I'd be really pissed at you too.
  • You are being a brat. If someone offers to do something nice for you, you shouldn't biitch that they're not doing it right.
  • By the way- funny how I told my other bridal party members the same thing and they didn't need my help at all with it. Some ppl are just more creative than others. Maybe they've been to other parties and already had ideas. This is not something to get upset about.
  • Do you send out bridal party newsletters every week? Just wondering...
  • Nugget Brain- your name is fitting. In no way was your last comment appropriate. I do not expect to know all the details- just like I don't know the details of what is going on with it now. I do expect my guests to know what is going on and when I am being told that they asked her and she had nothing to say, THAT worries me. That requests to be let it on what is going on from other bridal party members and help being offered with the $ and planning is being ignored until the last minute when she wants to call them and ask for $?? How is that ok? I don't want to tell you what is going on, any details about what is going to happen that night, but I need you to help me pay for it?
  • Yup, you're rude. First - it's not your problem to plan the party. If she asked your opinion on things, give it to her, and let her run with it. There isn't a lot to plan with a "night out" bachlorette party, so she was probably just planning to go with the flow. Then you asked her to step down because her gift of a party wasn't good enough for you. That's a blow to the face. If your other bridal party members wanted to help her plan and they contacted her directly, that's that. You don't get to get involved with that. She obviously didn't want their help or she would have called them back. So...the damage is done now. If I were you, and you wanted to salvage this friendship, I'd start apologizing right away and trying to convince her you're not an ungrateful brat. Because that's how it sounds to me, and I didn't even try to plan something for you.
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  • Yes, you should have allowed her to continue to plan. You shouldn't be involved in the planning anyway. Sure, you can give input on what you'd like to do, but it's not up to you to decide when invitations go out and when things should be planned. It might have been okay to politely tell her that you would understand if she couldn't continue to plan the party due to her losing her job, but you shouldn't have asked her to step down. Bachelorette parties don't need that much planning anyway. You said you didn't want anything elaborate, and going out dancing does not take a lot of time to plan. 10 days is more than enough time to pick a place to go. You really don't need much more than that. I think your friend deserves an apology.
  • As others pointed out, you are getting way too involved with the planning of your shower and BP party.  If I were you, I would apologize to your friend.
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    DOR and AMA
    2/12-5/12: 4 IUI cycles = all BFN;
    7/12: DE IVF # 1 (with ICSI)- 20R, 16M, 14F, 5DT of 2 blasts (4AB & 3BB); 6 frosties = BFN;
    Lupus anticoagulant initially high, then found to be normal on hematology consult;
    Follow up testing in September all clear;
    Started synthroid for "high normal" TSH;
    FET # 1- late October 2012- BFP on FRER; beta # 1- 21(low), beta # 2- 48 (still low), beta # 3- 132, beta # 4- 1,293; beta # 5- 5,606; last beta- over 100,000. First u/s 11/21- heard heartbeat
    12/12- Officially an OB patient!
    Keeping fingers crossed
    Everyone is welcome!
  • Is it appropriate to start taking bets on a DD time? I call 10:36:44am TK time.
  • My last comment was a lot more appropriate than what I really want to say, and it involved far less swearing.  You don't want an opinion, you want your actions to be validated.  You want hugs, and rainbow ponies and women who are going to surround you with a big fat blanket of acceptance and understanding. You are in the wrong place for that, sweetcheeks. 
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    If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat. image

  • If the OP so clearly thinks she is in the right, why is she asking our opinions?
    image
    DOR and AMA
    2/12-5/12: 4 IUI cycles = all BFN;
    7/12: DE IVF # 1 (with ICSI)- 20R, 16M, 14F, 5DT of 2 blasts (4AB & 3BB); 6 frosties = BFN;
    Lupus anticoagulant initially high, then found to be normal on hematology consult;
    Follow up testing in September all clear;
    Started synthroid for "high normal" TSH;
    FET # 1- late October 2012- BFP on FRER; beta # 1- 21(low), beta # 2- 48 (still low), beta # 3- 132, beta # 4- 1,293; beta # 5- 5,606; last beta- over 100,000. First u/s 11/21- heard heartbeat
    12/12- Officially an OB patient!
    Keeping fingers crossed
    Everyone is welcome!
  • After what everyone has said, it seems like you're still not getting it. Take yourself out and put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel if you had this great idea to plan your friends bach party and it's 10 days before and the bride, your friend, tells you to stop and that you don't think she can get it dome in time. You would be crushed and pissed. In her mind she was probably doing fine with the planning... even if it wasn't up to your standards.
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  • You are all flaming me without even asking the whole story and throwing insults in my direction. If this is TRULY a board where we can share our opinions, then it must be easy to be bitches to someone you don't know. I asked for a valid reply and while some of you gave me a response that in no way agreed with what I thought, you were nice about it. Others are just hurling insults around like it's your job. Grow up. No wonder people hate coming here to ask opinions on things. They just get talked down to and insulted.
  • OP, I see what you're saying, if you have people flying out and there are no definitive plans, you do have a reason to be nervous. I see where your coming from, she should have been a bit more organized IMO.
  • Please answer my response. Are you understanding her position now?
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  • Anna. Now that's not nice! Your FI must hate you.
  • We answered your question, you just didn't like what we had to say.  Your friend comes into money issues, has to drop out of her friend's wedding for it, loses her job, and then said bride-friend says "sorry, but you're not doing this planning my bachelorette party thing right.  You're fired.  Again."Friendship skillz.  You don't haz them.
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    If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat. image

  • Please feel sorry for our FIs cause they're marrying biitches!
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  • OP, I see what you're saying, if you have people flying out and there are no definitive plans, you do have a reason to be nervous. I see where your coming from, she should have been a bit more organized IMO. It's not that hard.  Worst case senario, she has nothing planned and everybody decides what bar to go to that night to party.  Or what movies to rent for their PJ party.  Or whatever. 
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    If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat. image

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