Dear "Decency",
"God help us all"? Bitch, please. God has his hands full. Seriously. He's got the whole world in his hands. He's certainly too busy and important to bother with where I sit at your son's wedding.
If there is any discomfort or unease at the wedding, it won't be because of me. It will be because you are a bitter ex-wife who couldn't hold on to her husband but can hold a grudge like it's her job.
Your children are very fond of me. Want to know why? Because I make damn certain not to be a thorn in their sides. I'll sit wherever the bride and groom tell me to sit, which is exactly what you should do. It's not your day.
If I'm seated in the front row, fine. And if you win in your relentless quest to make sure I'm seated behind you? That's fine too. Just know I'll be counting your gray hairs and taking mental note of your dowdy, shapeless dress-and-jacket ensemble. I'll be wearing an elegantly sexy little dress and no panties. And your ex-husband will be wearing a smile that you haven't seen in many years.
We look forward to seeing you!