Lanie

Irishgrl417 · August 2009

I realize some people have better experiences but I know at least 2 relatively new moms whose husbands have crazy schedules. One works the same hours as my H but I've never heard them say anything slightly negative. Maybe their kids are great or maybe they're afraid to voice it. But the only thing they've said about it is "if you get bored when B's at work, you can come stay at my house and take a 2 am feeding."

MadameS · August 2009

Didn't that Dooce lady write a book on her PPD? I haven't read it, but she seems pretty upfront that she was miserable.

lanie26 · August 2009

Women are scared. I was. Everyone jumps to a medical diagnosis. really? Because I don't enjoy changing diapers 16-18 x a day and pumping bloody milk? Truly? I need pills? COMMON.

lanie26 · August 2009

I think that's the problem though Morris, everyone just says "oh read this book on PPD" as if that's it. It's that simple. If you don't like your life as amother you need pills and a book by Brooke Sheilds. Uh no. I just think that both positive and negative early motherhood experiences are valid. You know?

MadameS · August 2009

whaaa? I'm not suggesting the book as a diagnosing tool, or the answer to PPD. I'm just letting irish (or whoever it was) know that there are other women out there who don't love motherhood, have dealt with PPD, and lived to tell about it. I imagine she give a pretty candid account.

lanie26 · August 2009

I'm not saying you are. I'm just saying that the general consensus is that if you don't love your life as a new mother, you have PPD.

mrs.R.tobe · August 2009

I read that book way before mommy hood. I had to laugh at some of it. She talked about how hard it was and so much work, yet she had a baby nurse with her at all times.

ftnups · August 2009

I get what Lanie is saying. I think there are a whole lot of valid mixed feelings associated with parenting a newborn or infant long before you need to start considering that maybe you have a diagnosable problem that requires drugs. There are a lot of possibilities between "blissfully experiencing motherhood" and "I want to throw my baby out the window, no really I do".And most information out there to prepare/support new mothers doesn't really focus on that middle area. Even though I think the majority of moms experience that way more than the extremes on the spectrum.Not sure if my thoughts are clear there. I was just told I don't have a working washing machine until I get back from vacation (which starts Thursday) so the panic might be restricting oxygen flow to my brain.

FallinAgain · August 2009

Do you think that true of so much though? Your kid likes to talk in class and he must have ADHD. You have high cholestoral, here's a pill.

ftnups · August 2009

If you're asking me fallin, yes I absolutely agree with that.

Irishgrl417 · August 2009

I agree about the mixed feelings/middle ground. I don't believe motherhood has to be a 100% of the time love it or hate it situation. I don't think that the people with good experiences are lying nor do I think any of my friends are seriously hating motherhood to the extreme. But other than on here, I don't hear much about the middle ground.

FallinAgain · August 2009

I just saw a news report on a new study about "school phobia" which apparently means kids get nervous about starting school. Uh, ya think? I posted my FB status as "'School phobia'? I don't know how we all survived childhood before the fancy names and drugs." I got a novel-length comment from a quasi-friend whose 8 yr old has "social phobia" and ADHD. Good times.

lindsayll · August 2009

You sure about that Robe? That book was just released at the end of March. Hasn't your little one been around longer than that?

lanie26 · August 2009

Absolutely Fallin. And yes thank you Fitty for putting that so well. I'm actually doing my thesis on the history of post partum depression and institutionalization. My favourite part of the paper is about asylum as respite. Women actually checked themselves in to get sleep and to escape. 13 kids at home, no birth control and a 2 bedroom apartment, asylum looks GOOD TO ME! It's very interesting and I'm putting together an argument about how the definition of PPD has changed with the expectations of class and race of women. Even today. But my arguments follow from 1850-1950 so I'm not going to modern day.

noisy_penguin · August 2009

Oooh Irish, you will HATE him when he sleeps. I remember watching him sleep and shaking with fury.Oh man. I remember this. It was the weirdest feeling.I didn't have too hard a time the first couple months. We had issues with BFing at first, but then they settled down and he slept fine and things were good. We had a lot of family visiting since my maternity leave was over the summer. I really enjoyed the first three months, mostly.My hell months were 4-6, where he stopped sleeping through the night and I went back to work. In my ideal world I'd be able to SAH or WAH until Will started school, but that's not how things can work for us. I knew it when we decided to toss the condoms, but I wasn't prepared for just how much I would hate returning to work. I hated it. I missed him. And he stopped sleeping, like two weeks after I launched PenguinBot. I'd get up at 6 and go to work all day, come home and take over with Will so Lorne could work, finally get him to bed around 10, work on fulfilling PenguinBot orders, and head to bed around 1 or 2. And Will, without fail, would wake up ten minutes after I went to sleep. Every night. Most nights he was up a few times after I went to bed. I went several months on 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night. I was sleep-deprived and depressed. I loved Will and he was so much fun, when he was awake, but I was so messed up. It was really hard. The moral of the story is "ask for help if you need it."

mrs.R.tobe · August 2009

The one I read by Brook Sheilds was called down came the rain. I read it about two years ago, maybe a little less.

Irishgrl417 · August 2009

I just saw a news report on a new study about "school phobia" which apparently means kids get nervous about starting school. Oh boy, I hope my students' parents don't get their hands on that. Before the new job shut down their discussion board, there was a parent asking about class assignments and if the kids could stay with the same homeroom year to year because they'd be anxious about making new friends. I didn't realize knowing at least 4 other kids and meeting 15 new ones each year would somehow negatively impact a child.

KristenBtobe · August 2009

Mo, yes we did (and still do) use cloth diapers part time. It's worked out fine. Though since we're on the go so much these days, I use disposables a lot more frequently. Parenting is such an individual experience. Just because some people don't articulate it as being miserable doesn't mean they aren't being honest. We all have our struggles, especially at first. Like Noisy, our biggest challenge was sleep between 4 and 7 months. It was so hard. There were nights I would get so frustrated I had to leave Mike alone with Maggie for a bit to cool down.

lanie26 · August 2009

Ahhh the walkaway. one woman on the nest posted that her husband arrived home from work, she put the baby in his arms told him she needed a break and went out to dinner by herself. I always thought that sounded heavenly. I went for a lot of late night walks Kristen.

KristenBtobe · August 2009

I'm kind of hot tempered, but it scared me how mad I got about not sleeping. I didn't want to do or even think something in that moment I'd regret.We still have the occasional day where Mike is greeted at the door with a grouchy child and I take a few minutes to myself to recompose.

samfish2bcrab · August 2009

I think I might be entering my hell time now. Lila was such an easy infant. Now? She wants to be played with constantly, freaks if I leave the room, and although she's not crawling yet gets into a lot of things. Once she's mobile, I'm screwed. And man she is LOUD. So freakin loud. I've taken her for three walks in one day many times just so the noise is dissipated. 3 months ago I teared up at the thought of work and felt like I was going to hyperventilate. It looks so good right now.

TSD · August 2009

B's most hated thing is when he walks in the door to my arms outstretched with E, handing him off. But, now, we've established more of a routine, where a little while after B gets home he bathes E, EVERY NIGHT, it's better. I know I'm going to have those few minutes. I didn't particularly enjoy BF'ing, but I never made enough milk, had to supplement from the beginning, and it hurt like a muther. I'm convinced it's because it was cold and it would hurt worse with nips trying to harden from cold. BUT- If I was having another child, (I'm NOT), I'd do it again. I actually liked thed social aspect of BF. The hospital I delivered at offers a BF support group which is basically a big room of new moms whipping their boobs out to BF, all while b*tching about it, crying, laughing, sharing stories, etc. I went even after I stopped just to hang with my new friends. We had a lot of fun there. Being a mom, for me, is difficult just because he's always here. Always. If I have to take a sh*t, he's there. Shower? He's there. I don't WANT to sing, "They all rolled over and one fell out, there were five in the bed..." when I'm trying to relieve myself. E takes a 2-2.5 hour nap a day so that helps immensely. Some of my new mom friends' kids hardly nap at all. I'd kill myself. Oh, and Ethan spends a sh*tload of time in "containers". I guess he's ruined.

samfish2bcrab · August 2009

And yeah, containers? I found myself wishing they still made those deathtrap ones with the wheels. I know she just wants to go places and that thing would help immensely.

CaliopeSpidrman · August 2009

TSD -- I think you need to share a crapload of E pictures with us. You aren't around as much, so you have a lot of lost time to make up for.

samfish2bcrab · August 2009

I agree, Cali, he's getting cuter all the time.

KayRI · August 2009

I know I'm just a little more than two weeks into motherhood, but I was thinking the other day if you're not overwhelmed sometimes, you're probably not doing it right.Fortunately, F has been great: he takes Ian as soon as he comes home, and has let me sleep for 8 straight hours at night twice. I'm not looking forward to his busy season at work, when he travels for weeks at a time.

wendyld · August 2009

I would argue that motherhood for most people isn't mostly about the middle ground, but rather it is about both extremes: the highs and the lows. Even today, Connor doesn't regularly sleep through the night and the sleep deprivation makes me crazy mad. The other day he screamed for 45 minutes for no reason at all. I tried every trick in my book to no avail and eventually called my h and begged for him to wrap it up and work and come home. And then I show up to daycare and he comes running, squealing with joy, and tackles me with a hug or he learns something new and my heart swells with pride in a way I can't even describe.

KristenBtobe · August 2009

Good point, Wendy. When it's good, it's so good. When it's bad...

Jen&Joe06 · August 2009

Totally late on this and I know I am very new to being a mom but I am honestly in shock at the range of emotions I have felt in the last 2 weeks. Right now we are in survival mode and take each day at a time. We try new things each day and if they work we keep doing them, if they don't then we try something else. We are doing things we never thought we would do and things we thought we were set on we have decided just don't work for us. Needless to say it has been very interesting so far.

_Fenton · August 2009

I would be perfectly happy being knocked out for the birth only to wake up with a perfectly clean an dry baby in my arms with my hair and makeup done.THIS! (and foff off to the This Dissers)I think I am fully prepared for the first six months to be just awful. Logically, I think I'll have a slightly easier time because I live 5 minutes from my parents and my ILs will be all up in my house every chance they get (during this time, I will welcome them moving in if it means I can sleep more). But I am still bracing myself for homicidal-tendencies, sleep-deprivation-delirium, not-knowing-what-day-it-is hell on earth.

Lanie

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