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Don't want strapped for cash friend to feel pressured to say yes to wedding party

nic5483nic5483
10 Comments
in Wedding Party
I think one of my friends I'd like to ask to be a bridesmaid may be strapped for cash.  I want her to feel included and give her a chance to save money if she'd like to be part of it, but also don't want her to feel pressured to do it or guilty if she says no.  

She lives cross-country so it will be more costly than usual and I cannot afford to pay for her.  Thoughts on what I should do?  Do I ask her but somehow let her know I understand if she declines?
My Blog: onewaytothebay.wordpress.com
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Re: Don't want strapped for cash friend to feel pressured to say yes to wedding party

  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    If you ask her and then tell her you understand if she can't afford it, it can sound like you are asking out of obligation and you don't really want her in the wedding.

    Just ask her and let her make the decision.  Ask her privately about her budget for a dress and alterations and then let it go.  You obviously care for her and you don't want to inconvenience her so just ask and she will let you know.
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  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper

    The knot seems to have eaten your post; but the general rule of thumb is to never judge someone else's financial situation.  Ask her and let her decide if she can handle it. 

    Also consider if you can help at all, it's perfectly fine to say you can't, but if it really means the world to you to have that person standing next to you then help her out by making it as cheap as possible and/or by pitching in. 

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  • ElisabethJoanneElisabethJoanne member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    Also, consider all the expenses, not just the dress. If you hang around, you'll learn the dress is the only thing you can make her buy - not shoes or a special hair-do or professional make-up.

    Still, are you having a wedding weekend or a wedding day? (hotel costs) Will she have to rent a car? Just being present at a wedding can cost hundreds of dollars.
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  • graysquirrelgraysquirrel member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I can't see your post either, but I think that I would ask her even if she is tight for money. She can decide if she wants to take on being a BM. I would rather have a friend turn me down than not ask her in the first place. Unless circumstances are really truly bad, then people usually have money for the things that they want. Just make sure to ask her for her budget prior to dress shopping. Anything else she buys for the wedding is up to her.
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  • nic5483nic5483
    10 Comments
    I'm not sure what happened to my  post, but thanks for the feedback!  I think I'll still ask her and just try to keep things as inexpensive as possible, which I'd want to do anyway.  I noticed Target has some great looking bridesmaid dresses for $70!  I don't like their colors now, but hopefully they'll change before I get married in 2013.
    My Blog: onewaytothebay.wordpress.com
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