Groom's mother upset about location

Re: Groom's mother upset about location

• kmmssg mod

  

  February 2012

  She is going to put strings on that money and I would't touch it.  This is the start of your married life.  You guys need to step back, work this out, and be on the same page.  If he often caves to his mother you need to reacess things.  I think asking you to give up the church where your parents and g'parents got married, but agreeing to use their vows is pretty lame and not the same at all.
  
  I have bad feelings about what will happen if you guys accept that money.  Think back on your relationship.  Does she manipulate him or is the first time you have seen this behavior.  Are they healthy close or is she dependent on him?  Does he normally stick up for you if it is necessary or does he cave to him mom?
  
  If this is a one time observance of this behavior, that is one thing.  If he is a mama's boy, you guys need to do some serious talking before you continue planning.

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• mizutamababy member

  

  February 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_grooms-mother-upset-location?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b00476fc-1525-4cc0-9aa0-3e878eef58d1Post:6026896e-1286-436f-8810-bf666da55f33">Re: Groom's mother upset about location</a>:
  [QUOTE]I'm sorry you totally lost me at the part about her pets.  She seriously wants you to pay $10,000 more money so she doesn't have to kennel her PETS?!?!?! I have pets to, that I love dearly and are part of my family, so I'm not trying to belitte her attachment to them.  But kenneling them is not a big deal.   I'm kind of disgusted that she would use her PETS as a reason to not want to travel THREE HOURS for her OWN SON'S WEDDING.   
  Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]
  
  This!  We had to put our pets up at a pet hotel hosted by our regular vet so we could go on our destination wedding.
  
  FMIL sounds like she thinks she's too important to be inconvenienced about anything TBH, be damned that it inconvenience everyone else and cost you lots of extra money.
  
  If people are only willing to come if it's convenient, they're probably not the type of guests you really care about having there anyways.  I mean geez... the venue is only 3 hrs away!  It's not like it's a major destination wedding that people are going to have to take extra time off of work for, and having it closer to her still doesn't ensure that all those people are going to come anyways.
  
  That said, it's just a wedding ceremony so try not to let it put a rift between you and FI.  If neither of you are willing to compromise fairly, it sounds like there's a bigger problem than just where to have the wedding.

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• melntaitt member

  

  February 2012

  He came from a broken home and is extremely close to his mother, so it's important to him that she is happy.
  
  This is what stood out to me because it seems to be the premise on what the majority of his argument is about.
  
  If FMIL wants to commit $8,000 it should be in the spirit of enhancing the quality of her son's wedding - not as a bargaining tool.
  
  I would inform dear FI that he is very likely not being very supportive of your wishes because he is a touch too attached to his mother. At some point he is going to have to get into the habit of choosing another woman over his mother because he's getting married. This is a good place to start.
  
  If FMIL is being this bratty now and refusing to kennel her "babies" and all sorts of other BS nonsense to get her way, imagine what it's going to be like when you have other big life events - like how your children should be raised. If necessary, you're going to have to stand up to them both; or forever is going to be a very, long time.

  

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• Tandra&Devin

  

  February 2012

  Sorry, but I agree with PP that this situation has red flags all over it about your future relationship with your MIL. 
  
  As for your fiance's justifications, I don't really agree that all are valid.  For one, the fight about the venue didn't originate between you two, it spawned when SHE put up a fuss.  Second, she sounds just too needy.  Unfortunately, I know the situation well.  You would not believe the stunts my FMIL has pulled just trying to get my FI back to his homestate (UT, we're in PA).  He also came from a "broken home" (as did I) and loves his mother as dearly as I do mine, but eventually she just had to learn to let go a little bit.
  
  To me, your desire to spend this time with your mother, in your hometown and such, trumps his mother's piddly complaints (no offense to anyone).  And whether or not people come is a problem THEY deal with, not you.
  
  I, too have pets I love dearly, a cat I've had since I was fifteen and a big stupid sloppy labrador.  I don't like leaving them alone, either, but when I do they're just fine.  If she doesn't trust someone else to take care of her pets, it sounds like a manifestation of deeper issues.  You need to sit down and talk to your FI about this ASAP, otherwise it will become a MUCH bigger issue than where to hold your wedding reception. 

  

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