**Still ranting** (long)

Re: **Still ranting** (long)

• blue19violet member

  

  August 2009 edited December 2011

  Part I: I've really been getting straight up about reading my Bible and making an effort to follow the principles. Let me tell you that this mutha mutha is difficult - especially when you know that you're right. Proverbs 18:19 (I actually just read it earlier today): A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city;... I read it to mean that someone whose feelings are hurt will not be easy to convince to get over things. I completely see your logic for not calling him back. However, I'm outside of the situation so I'm thinking clearer. This dude is only seeing that you two were already had an issue (something that might not have been resolved on his end) and the "not calling back" simply adds to an already tense situation. I'm going to suggest something that I myself find REALLY difficult to do. I think even though you're right in this matter, you should humble yourself and reach out to him calmly and apologize. There might be something more to the "get more flies with honey than vinegar" theory.

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• blue19violet member

  

  August 2009 edited December 2011

  Part II: Talk to him (not curse him out, lol) and let him know that you want his opinion on things. This is a marriage with two and since it bothers him so much that decisions seem to always be made based on you then he needs to pipe up more. Obviously say it in a nicer (but still direct) way.

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• Mypasmita

  

  August 2009 edited December 2011

  We all have those days FI/Hubby are on the hitlist. First part, I say Pipe down: It doesn't matter who's talk it was, truth is it bothers him you are bother and that is is an unresolved argument between you two and he wants to go back to all the luving. But i hear you though and i see where you are coming from (but he doesn't because you haven't explained it to him yet) but also remember that in the heat of the moment/argument, our emotions are amplified! Second: I would be worried if he wasn't a man's man, and he didn't "lead" his household, which is not the case. But I think if you take this as an isolated incident, you would see that many men do that (letting other pick places to eat): i.e my work coleagues, all men do that all the time and it used to piss me off. I know you are pickier than Mr. P so he may just want to make sure that you enjoy what you have for lunch/dinner. So yeah, pipe down but talk to him and tell him nicely how you feel about him making things/the relationship about you. Another idea, try to start making things about him (if you are not already) so you will both be taken care of by one another.

  
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• julinejb

  

  August 2009 edited December 2011

  Well said blue! I was thinking along the same lines, cat. JMHO, but perhaps things were to go over a bit smoother if you used a more calm and soothing approach. When all else fails, pray and ask for strength to see past your anger and frustration and to open your ears and heart to whatever P has to say.GL!

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• RAJAH

  

  August 2009 edited December 2011

  I am glad I read this post because I have been on a rant since freakin last friday and I am tired of my d@mn self. Cat I totally understand your frustration, maybe the piping should be over and spending time really talking should start. Fi and I had our first pre-marital session on Tuesday and our homework was to write 10 things we like and dislike and to read some scriptures and do reflections for next week. Well since I was in the atmosphere on tuesday because of how angry I was, I had like 27 things I didnt like. I had to open up and start talking cause a sista was kinda wondering what I was marrying him for if I felt like that. . . long story short - my feelings werent being considered enough for me to feel valued within the last couple weeks and I had been eating and swallowing my feelings - BAD MOVE! Dont let things fester, I can tell you love DH very much so I am sure you can talk things over and work them out... keep me/us posted!  

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• ishawnamcm

  

  August 2009 edited December 2011

  Girly we've been cooking issues with fish grease lately!!Only cuz I love ya and doing this myself.. I will take my own advice.. #1. Pipe down.. Explain to him calmly what happened. Timing was off, u got busy, I got busy, we chilled.. Nothing to get hostile about because we can pick it right vback up if you like #2. Get him to pipe up. Ask him where he would like to go.. If u always decide tell him let's switch it up and u pick. You want him more involved..Have u ever done a DiSC analysis? We did one as part or our pre-marital counseling.. very revealing. It offers insight into how you and mate process information and feelings... Y'all should try it.

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• the cat

  

  August 2009 edited December 2011

  I feel ya girls. My blood gets to boiling and the top pops. End of story. I mean how u gonna let 5 hours pass, then wanna restart the talk when i'm in my tee and draws pulling back the cover? Ishawna - gimme some more info on this DiSC stuff. I'm all for it. BTW - the movie Firefighter or Firestorm - can't remember the name right now. It's the relationship movie the girls were discussing last week sometime. It's due to be delivered today. Hopefully we can watch it together and this will be nipped in the bud cuz my head done started hurting. That mean he done shot my pressure up sky hi - don't i sound like an old country grandma?!

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