How do I approach her?

themclarens · August 2009

I have a cousin who just got engaged about 2 months ago. We had a family reunion at the begining of August. My whole family has known the date that my fiance and I are getting married...June 5, 2010. Ok now here's my problem... my cousin walked around at the famioy reunion handing out save the date cards. I am really irritated by this and am very hurt too. I already ordered my save the date cards in July and I just got them a couple weeks ago. So please if anyone can help me, what do I do?

themclarens · August 2009

I forgot to mention that she has also chose June 5, 2010 as her wedding date too.

agk0125 · August 2009

Well didn't anyone look at her cards and say "hey wait a minute this is the same day"? You didn't say anything when you saw this happening?

themclarens · August 2009

I didn't know that she had chose thesame date until today when I got home from working out of town, my mom called me over to her house to show me and i was livid, because she is in my wedding and she knew the date my FI and I chose to get married.

agk0125 · August 2009

Ah I thought you were also at the reunion.Sounds like you need to call her up and figure out what the heck she was thinking. Maybe one of you can change your date. If you keep the same location you probably won't lose your deposit. I know that was true at my venue.

themclarens · August 2009

I have tried to call her all day after I found out and she will not answer her phone. I feel like she is avoiding me at all costs and it's irritating me. My mom had mentioned to her mom that June 5 was the date that my FI and I were getting married and my aunt was just like well she (me) needs to change my date. June 5 is the day my fiance and I met 10 years ago, so its a pretty special day to us.

agk0125 · August 2009

Well that's just a big pile of suck, I'm sorry. Maybe try emailing her? Eventually she will have to talk to you.

themclarens · August 2009

I already tried that and it got sent back saying it was not deliverable due to being blocked so i guess I am gonna have to drive to her house which is 3 1/2 hours away and talk to her face to face

agk0125 · August 2009

And this girl was supposed to be IN your wedding? This sh!t is insane.

themclarens · August 2009

yeah she WAS suposed to be in the wedding butiI'm going to drop her from the party and ask someone else. I also got to thinking my wedding is in town and hers isalmost 4 hours away so i think peopl will come to my wedding for the reason being my wedding will be closer and people won't have to pay for a hotel room. So it will be cheaper for them in the long run.

agk0125 · August 2009

Well keep us updated!

dsouldiva · August 2009

Personally I would ignore it, you've tried to contact her and she is obviously ignoring you, she's handed out STD cards knowing your wedding is on the same day, so she's obviously not going to change her mind now.I wouldn't try and talk to her about this, she has obviously morphed into a bridezilla and and I would imagine she will turn any contact into an attention grabbing drama. Like you said, your family are more likely to go to your Wedding, people will know you had your date picked first and it will just reflect badly on her.

tidetravel · August 2009

Ditto SoulDiva. It was a crap move on your cousin's part, and I would be a little offended about aunt saying that you needed to change your day to accomodate her daughter. However, you do have some options, if you want. 1) realize that June 5 may be special to you because of a previous event, but ultimately, it's not THAT important - your wedding day will be an event to remember and celebrate regardless of the date. 2) if you want to and can change the date, you have plenty of time to do it. Many times, if you stay with the same venue, you can move your event to another open date. 3) moving the date would only be done for your guest's convienence. You need to acknowledge that if you and your cousin have the wedding on the same day, that you will be forcing a lot of your guests to chose one wedding over the other. This could start a lot of family drama that you don't want. You cannot change other people's actions or attitudes - you can only affect the way that YOU react to them. Personally, if it were me, I would move the wedding date to May 29, 2010, a week before hers, (but I'm spiteful like that)

Stackeye210 · August 2009

I was just about to say the same thing. Move it to the weekend before hers!

noelle24 · August 2009

Wow. That is pretty BSC. I like Tide's suggestions, but I'm passive aggressive like that.

salt78 · August 2009

[i]You cannot change other people's actions or attitudes - you can only affect the way that YOU react to them. Personally, if it were me, I would move the wedding date to May 29, 2010, a week before hers, (but I'm spiteful like that)[/i] I would do this also. Wow your cousin sounds completely BSC.

AlexiaANDRobert · August 2009

You cannot change other people's actions or attitudes - you can only affect the way that YOU react to them. Personally, if it were me, I would move the wedding date to May 29, 2010, a week before hers, (but I'm spiteful like that). Awesome. I think if Tide and I met IRL - we'd be BFF.Anyway, the whole situation is crappy, but if it's a possibility, I'd move it to the week before, or even two or three depending on dates and availability.GL and keep us posted!

ReturnOfKuus · August 2009

I may be alone in this, but I wouldn't change the date. It's special to you, so keep it. If people decide not to come, well, then you don't have to pay to feed them. It's a win-win.

AlexiaANDRobert · August 2009

I may be alone in this, but I wouldn't change the date. It's special to you, so keep it. If people decide not to come, well, then you don't have to pay to feed them. It's a win-win.If the other bride is your cousin, do you really want your family to have to chose sides? And your mom is going to miss her niece's wedding, your grandparents will have to chose, cousins... etc. etc. etc.

clseale13 · August 2009

What is it about weddings that turns everyone into crazy biotches?! I'm sorry...that sucks!

LMAO off at Tide's suggestion though. We have friends that knowingly booked our date...March 27th (even though the bride tried to play to act all innocent and confused about it.) Guess what my date is now? March 20th baby!

clseale13 · August 2009

Take out *to play*...not really sure where that came from.

noelle24 · August 2009

I agree with Alexia, as crappy as it is, if the cousin refuses to change her date, then I'd change mine. NOT out of consideration for the cousin, but out of consideration for my grandparents, other aunts/uncles, my parents...etc.And then I'd schedule something very important for June 5th so I can't go to the cousin's wedding. You know, something like washing my hair....

ReturnOfKuus · August 2009

You know, it goes both ways. The cousin can change her wedding in order to make family not choose sides, too. It's not all on the OP.I've found that being the bigger person is overrated.

noelle24 · August 2009

I see your point kuus, but I think the cousin has made it pretty clear that she's not changing her date. The bottom line is that there are going to be a lot of family members put in a difficult situation, and there are going to be a handful of family members who won't come to the OP's wedding because they feel obligated, for whatever reason, to go to the cousin's. This means that the OP won't be able to celebrate her wedding with all the people closest to her, and honestly, that would bum me out if I were the bride.Also, I would say that if I were in this family and invited to both of these weddings and I knew they both deliberately planned their weddings on the same day, I would choose to attend neither. It's just too childish for me to handle.

ReturnOfKuus · August 2009

But the upside is that there will be people who choose the OP's wedding and don't go to the cousin's.I just think it's a bad policy in all cases to pander to jackasses. Collateral damage is part of the pressure on jackasses to change.

noelle24 · August 2009

True. I would just feel worse not getting to celebrate with all of my family than I would changing the date. Then again, I'm not attached to any one date in particular, so I may not be the best person to empathize.

ReturnOfKuus · August 2009

I do see your point. I guess I'm more attached to the principle of the thing than I am to my family.

clseale13 · August 2009

I agree. The OP either shouldn't change her date...or she should change it to the weekend before. Yes...that might be childish...but I promise you it will give you random bouts of evil satisfied giggles as you go through the planning process.

Just a side note: Me doing this was not totally vindictive...the venue did not have another wedding date open until mid June...and that was NOT happening for an outdoor wedding in FL.

AlexiaANDRobert · August 2009

I agree that she shouldn't HAVE to change her date but if cousin's being a PITA, then OP should just beat her at her own game. The week or two before sounds like an awesome plan. And I wouldn't even mention it or talk to her about it, I'd just send out the STDs.

mocha beans · August 2009

Well there's a bridezilla for ya, what a peach. I like Tide's idea, move it to the weekend before and go on your honeymoon the next weekend. She's being pretty biitchy by not getting back in touch with you, at this point my patience would be long gone and it's time to play hardball.Of course, I'm a supremely bad mood today as it is, so my thoughts may be clouded.

AlexiaANDRobert · August 2009

Ha! Mocha - bad mood or not, I didn't even think about being on the HM during the cousin's wedding! That is PERFECTION!

How do I approach her?

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