Wedding Etiquette Forum

Annulment & Gifts

I usually only lurk on here but I'm wondering what you P&E experts think...If a marriage is annuled within 9 months of the wedding, should the couple return the gifts they received?
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Re: Annulment & Gifts

  • on a personal level, i think that if a marriage lasts less than a year, gifts should be returned.  however, i think etiquette states that they dont.
  • They are not required to by ettiquette as they did indeed get married. If it was my frined I would be so sad for her/him that they had this horrible thing occur that I would forget about the gifts.
  • I don't know what proper etiquette says, but to me personally, I think yes they should return the gifts or at least send checks in the amount the gifts cost.
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  • Yeah, if I were a loved one who gave the couple a gift, I wouldn't worry about it. The couple has enough on their plate to deal with.
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  • Oh I absolutely don't expect/want her to return the gift. It was just a conversation that came up so I was curious. I do feel really sad for her. It's a terrible situation.
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  • I guess I should specify, the guest that receives a check back could decide to rip it up or cash it depending on how they feel about the situation and how close they are to the couple.
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  • Since an annulment makes the marriage as if it never existed, it makes sense to return the gifts.  The gifts were given to celebrate a now-void marriage.
  • No.  It was a wedding gift.  The wedding happened, the gifts were opened and then used.

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • I also find it interesting that after 9 months a marriage could be annulled.  After that time, I'd think it'd be reasonable to assume there was a consummation? 

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • It would be weird to give a gift back that has already been used.  And it could be a financial hardship to buy new gifts to give back or send checks out.  If I were the gift-giver, I wouldn't want the gift or money back. 
  • I think that you should.  But, if my friend was ending her marriage I would never expect it back.  Plus, chances are the gift has been used. 

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  • Wading, there are other grounds for an annulment, including fraud. 
  • See, I looked it up and in Canada, the only reason for Annulment is an "invalid marriage."For example, a marriage might be invalid if one spouse was already married when he or she married the other, or if the husband or wife was under the age of 16.From: [url]http://www.cba.org/bc/public_media/family/120.aspx[/url] - a British Columbia site.

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • I also find it interesting that after 9 months a marriage could be annulled. After that time, I'd think it'd be reasonable to assume there was a consummation? as far as catholic annulments go, there are several "impediments" that would allow for an annulment.  an example is if one person could not have children, knew this going into the marriage, and never disclosed it to the other person.not sure about general annulments, but reasons others gave seem to maek sense.
  • Sorry, I mean ask for an annulment.
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  • I don't think so and etiquette states as long as the wedding took place, it's not required.Church annulment?  same thought, it's really just a technicality in the Church. Pretty much as civil divorce.Civil annulment, umm....iffy situationI would probably just consider it a sad situation for everyone involved and forget about any gift I gave.  The couple would have enough problems without dealing with returning the gifts.
  • Zippity, I don't think that's what Calypso meant. I think it's more like if one party wants kids, and the other knows that s/he is infertile but wants the marriage to go forward anyway, so s/he doesn't tell until after they are married. That would be fraud.
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  • Actually, Sarah, she was talking about a Catholic annulment, not a civil annulment, so yeah, zippity read right.

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • Yeah the fraud usually has to go to the "heart of the marriage" - in that if a couple agreed to have children when one partner knows he/she is sterile, the marriage can be annulled...but if the sterile partner did not KNOW she was sterile prior to entering the agreement then annulment usually can't happen.  Also, if there was no agreement concerning reproduction, annulement most likely won't work...at least in South Carolina. 
  • an example is if one person could not have children, knew this going into the marriage, and never disclosed it to the other person.Um? What did I misunderstand?
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  • For one, there are other avenues of having a child other than both married partners donating genetic material. There are sperm donors, egg donors, surrogate mothers and adoption.
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  • Of course there are other avenues. But it's a big breach of trust if your fiance(e) knows something like that about themselves and doesn't tell you about it. The important thing is to do things together and not have lies and secrets.
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  • For one, there are other avenues of having a child other than both married partners donating genetic material. There are sperm donors, egg donors, surrogate mothers and adoption. And those avenues cost a hell of a lot of money. If one partner doesn't want to do any of those, they shouldn't have to... and they shouldn't have to stay in an unhappy marriage to a person that lied to them about a major issue.
  • Wait wait wait...you can get a marriage annuled for not being able to have kids? holy sh*t what a crappy situation! Like the person isn't (assumable) feeling horrible for being infertile but then to get annulled on top of it? Adoption people, adoption.
  • Thankfully the love I have for the person I am marrying outweighs any desire that I may have to bear children.I have a beloved family member who married a devout Catholic man. She was completely shunned by him and his family when they tried to have children and it turned out that she couldn't have any. He divorced her. Maybe I am biased.
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  • I have a beloved family member who married a devout Catholic man. She was completely shunned by him and his family when they tried to have children and it turned out that she couldn't have any. He divorced her. Maybe I am biased. Whoa, that sucks.
  • angie, do you think ending a marriage is free? That costs money too.
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  • Wait wait wait...you can get a marriage annuled for not being able to have kids? holy sh*t what a crappy situation! Like the person isn't (assumable) feeling horrible for being infertile but then to get annulled on top of it? Adoption people, adoption.its if you know you are infertile and DO NOT DISCLOSE THIS to your spouse and you marry them under a cloud of deceit.  i thought i was clear in my post, but i guess not.  same as if you have a divorce you did not disclose prior to the marriage.  obviously, people can choose to stay in these marriages and pursue other options/not be bothered by it, but the right to the Church annulment is there, if they want it.
  • I have a beloved family member who married a devout Catholic man. She was completely shunned by him and his family when they tried to have children and it turned out that she couldn't have any. He divorced her. Maybe I am biased. not grounds for annulment, because she didnt know she was infertile until AFTER the marriage.i agree, tho, crappy thing to do to someone.
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