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Family/Friendship relationships..

Devs Reena Devs Reena
10 Comments
in Ohio-Cincinnati
I know this is totally on a side note but I thought I would get opinions from some of you. Do you think the wedding planning process brings you closer to family or creates tension? Right now I am in the process of just thinking of who to ask to be my bridesmaid and I feel the tension already from some of my family and how everyone already has a say in my wedding. I know I can't be the only one that feels this way. What do you think?   
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Re: Family/Friendship relationships..

  • econner42econner42
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    The one piece of advise that I can give you is to not let others pressure you into any decisions that you would not normally make. This is your wedding and it should be exactly how you and your FI want it to be! I don't understand why people get so wadding crazy, but don't let them get to you! If someone makes you feel that you "have" to do something or have a particular person in your wedding and you don't want that...cut it down at the beginning, b/c if you don't they will continually nag you about it. I do know from experience that weddings, unfortunately, are when you discover who your true friends are. I'm sorry that you are experiencing this already!
    Anniversary
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  • DebbydewDebbydew member
    Ninth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We've only been engaged for a month, and I've already had to say no so many times. I keep hearing, "well, if it was my wedding..." in a negative, not helpful way. I want to yell, "well, it's not your wedding to shut the $#@% up!" But of course I don't. I just concentrate on the people who really are trying to help out, like my mom and sisters. They've been great. I'm bound and determined to make this a fun time, as it should be!
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  • mindiosumindiosu member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm fairly certain my FMIL is about ready to super humanly combust with the stress and frustration of this wedding not being in her full control. You're not alone :) I tend to pick my battles- ie if she's actually turning blue in the face over BBQ v. lasagna at the rehearsal dinner, I let her choose. GL!
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  • KJ42008KJ42008
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    For me, it's caused a lot of stress. My family is supportive and happy but at the same time there have been some tears and frustration. Right now, if I had to do over, I keep saying I would just do destination and whatever family wanted to come... come. I wouldn't have to worry about a lot of the little diy projects (programs, centerpieces, decorations......) But, I know that once the wedding day arrives... it will hopefully all be worth it :) It's hard sometimes to stay excited about the wedding when you worry about others... Try not to worry and just do whatever you want to do!
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  • jeremy.teresajeremy.teresa
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I was hoping and praying that our wedding would bring me closer to my mom and sister.  In fact, all it has done is cause stress and tension.  My mom doesn't like that we did things so early (like booking vendors for example).  She always has an opinion about what decisions we make (such as not having kids at any of the wedding related events) and I never feel like she is happy.  There are times when she acts like she is, but its not nearly as often as I would think considering I'm her oldest and last child to get married.  My sister has been doing the same thing and then my sil recently got started.  Weddings are stressful enough to get through without everyone going against you and your decisions, but it really does make it even harder when you don't feel like you have people's support.  I hope that it gets better for you as the day draws near.  Def remember that this is you and your FI's day and do what you guys want, NOT what is going to make everyone else happy.  GL!
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  • AMBN0102AMBN0102 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would say both. I think the planning process has brought me and my mom a lot closer. We have had some dissagreements along the way but nothing major. My sister is my MOH and we were pretty close to begin with so not much has changed there. I always knew that I would have my two cousins be my bridesmaids because we r like sisters, so I guess I lucked out there. One huge negative is the financial strain that is put on everyone. Lets face it weddings are sooo expensive. I feel guilty at times because my parents are spending so much money then the bridesmaids and groomsmen are shelling out money that they dont have. UGH its overwhelming at times. I just try to stay positive though and focus on the good things. Good luck to you, Im sure everything will work out. Its your wedding, do what you want.... no regrets
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  • fejesmkfejesmk
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    all this planning has brought me closer to my family and his. His mom is great and wants to help with so many things that I have no clue about. I have been talking to my mom a lot more about planning. She feels left out though since my parents live in FL. Remember that everyone is just trying to help you not be a hindrence.
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  • stosha1stosha1 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Your wedding is over a year away.I would suggest waiting a while to ask your maids.Better get used to feeling like everyone else feels like they have a say in your wedding. It doesn't get better. My wedding is in 16 days and everyone wants to give their opinions!
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  • kam2210kam2210
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    For me personally, it has brought me even closer with my friends/families. I think it just depends on the relationship that you had before hand though. It may exacerbate previous problems, but if you pick your battles, maybe things will be better. Whenever someone makes a suggestion that I'm not really interested in, I usually just say, "Oh that's a good idea, but..." You might have more problems by NOT asking certain people to be involved at all than asking them to be involved and dealing with opinions.
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  • pedlimwenpedlimwen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My family was always a bit nutty, but working with my fiance's family and my close friends to pull everything together has been an amazing experience.The more control you can retain over the things that really matter to you the better - and I would agree with something else said here, pick your battles... you simply can't have everything the way you want it to be. For the most part even the pushiest of families have good intentions, it's just finding a delicate way to navigate their suggestions and what you want!What I've noticed that's worked for me, also, is to give a job or responsibility to a family member that likes to tell you what you should do... this way, they have their own thing to focus on, and they feel like they are contributing. I hope this helps! And good luck.
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