good friday wedding. made some people mad oops

cierranbrandon · February 2011

my fmil and her family are hardcore catholic im also catholic but not as much. my wedding is on april 22 which happens to fall on goodfriday and she wants me to change the date because it is a day of fast and abstinence remembering the lord passing for us. am i being unreasonable to not change my date?

mgietler76 · February 2011

Speaking as a Catholic I would not attend your wedding. As long as you are aware there will be hurt feelings and I would suspect many of your Catholic relatives would not feel comfortable going. You also are aware that the church will not marry you on this day? Or any day in Lent for that matter.

MairePoppy · February 2011

Good Friday is a very important, solemn day, not a day for celebration. Your fmil's concerns are valid. You should book a date that immediate family members are able to celebrate with you. I'm sorry to tell you this, but this seems disrespectful.
I hope you and fi will reconsider.

AutumnFair · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_good-friday-wedding-made-people-mad-oops?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:176cab8a-98b1-4fbf-b286-7d538bba90fcPost:5f74fa1f-d6f9-48b1-b17d-051f3dfdf531">good friday wedding. made some people mad oops</a>:
[QUOTE]my fmil and her family are hardcore catholic im also catholic but not as much. my wedding is on april 22 which happens to fall on goodfriday and she wants me to change the date because it is a day of fast and abstinence remembering the lord passing for us. am i being unreasonable to not change my date?
Posted by cierranbrandon[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm not Catholic but if my FMIL or any other immediate family felt religiously that it would be insulting to have a wedding on a certain religous day I would respect it and move the date. So in this case, you really should choose another date, something small as a date should not be something to try to stand your ground on specially if it's openly disregarding your FMIL and other people's religious beliefs. </div>

MobKaz · February 2011

The three days leading up to Easter are all very significant and somber days. Between services on Holy Thursday, Stations of the Cross and Tenebrae on Good Friday, and the private meditations, many Catholics spend hours in church over those days.

Churches are stark and free from any decoration. Music is used sparingly or not at all. Catholics not only fast, but abstain from meat, particularly on Good Friday.

If you keep your date, your guest list will be extremely small. If your future in-laws are as "hardcore" Catholic as you state, I cannot believe your fiance was unaware of this date.....or OK to retain it.

sprtychick10 · February 2011

All the PP's are making very good points. I think you need to change the date, even from a respect point. I would not want to start off on a "bad" foot with my FMIL, but that is JMO

AdeleDazeem · February 2011

[QUOTE] your wedding is your wedding no one elses im having the same problem because of religious things but my thing is is i would love you to be there but if you decide otherwise that is your choice . hope i helped a little [/QUOTE]

See... the difference between your post and the post below this one is this: Your future mother in law is refusing to come because of a religious holiday. I know some people nowadays don't put much stock in religion, but, to many people, religion is extremely important. To her (and all Christians to differing degrees), Good Friday is not about celebration, but reflection. And it's your fiance's MOTHER who is having the problem. If immediate family can't make your date (due to good reason), most people (myself included!) strongly recommend changing it.

In the post below this, it's the future mother in law's friends that can't make it because they have other plans. It's not his mother, but her friends. They are a completely different level of importance in the wedding, so it is generally considered okay not to change the date.

SirJuliusVonHaast · February 2011

I'm jewish and last year I was invited to a wedding on Yom Kippur (one of our main holy days). I decided to go to the wedding because it was a one time only event in the life of my friend, versus a once a year religious day of reflection (I'm also not super religious). However, I did feel very put out by it, even though I'm sure she was unaware of the situation. Most calendars have major holidays on them (my calendar has christian, jewish, and muslim major days listed), so I don't think it's that hard for people to know and consider them. I get it that you didn't actually know it was Good Friday, but a lot of your guests may think the way I did and assume that you knew.

sister2groom · February 2011

I think the fact that its on a Friday, which puts a fair amount of people out (I don't mind it as much as some people do, but I'm a student and don't HAVE to be somewhere late Friday afternoon) combined with the fact that your ILs will be massively put out makes it a bad idea. I mean, it's not like this is two guests or your lists with some tiny religion you wouldn't know about, this could very well be a good portion of your friends and family who wouldn't be able to enjoy your wedding, if they felt they could go at all.

mgietler76 · February 2011

You also have to consider your menu if you do keep this date. Are you planning on serving non-meat options? I know a lot of people who would straight up leave if there was no fish option.

SaraAndrew2010 · February 2011

I have to agree with most of the other posters. I'm Catholic and I would not attend a wedding on Good Friday. Good Friday is a solemn day of mourning, penance, and reflection. It is not a day for celebrating. You said you are Catholic and I'm curious where you are getting married? I'd be shocked if a Catholic church let you schedule a Good Friday wedding.

I'm also shocked that you booked a wedding date without talking to your FILs first. We definitely ran our potential dates by both sets of parents to make sure there were not conflicts. I think you should reschedule. Going forward with a Good Friday wedding will start you off on very bad footing with your new in-laws.

skiagram818 · February 2011

April 22 is Good Friday this year, are you getting married in 2 1/2 months? Have you been planning for a long time (venue, etc., already booked), or have you just started planning and are putting together a wedding kind of quickly? Did your FMIL just find out the wedding date because she got an invitation? So many questions!

If you just started planning, I'd move the date out at least a week. If everything's already planned, deposits are paid, I understand why you wouldn't want to move it. And if your FMIL hasn't been involved AT ALL up until this point (I also think it's weird you wouldn't ask her about the date before booking it), then maybe she and your fiance aren't that close and it doesn't matter if she can't come. But don't expect to ever have a good relationship with her.

jilld82 · February 2011

Yeah I think it's kind of ridiculous to have booked on Good Friday. I would have checked a calendar before booking a wedding. I'm wondering the same thing though, is this a quick wedding or have you been planning for a while and just NOW realized it was Good Friday? Either way you have to change it. Not only are you risking your relationship with FMIL but you are also risking your relationship with guests. I personally wouldn't go to your wedding and I hope to God that you have a no meat option if you plan on going forward with this.

Edit: by the way I wouldn't exactly call this a little "oops" mistake. This is a major one.

[Deleted User] · February 2011

Ditto Ski. Why only 2 months away are people causing a commotion? They should have known the date a long time ago.

Ilumine · February 2011

I just wanted to add, I am not Catholic, but Episcopalian and I would not be going to your weddding on Good Friday either. I am not trying to be snarky, but when one has a religious ceremony on a very sacred religious day...it smacks of hypocracy and/or a blatant disreguard to the religous institution itself.

courtney1188 · February 2011

I would not plan my wedding for ANY Friday during Lent, but if you do be sure to have lots of non-meat options for meals. But I would never dream of getting married on Good Friday. I am not very religious but I know my parents are and that would be such an insult to them. Usually when it comes to date changing discussions I'm on the bride and groom's side, but this is definitely an exception. Your religious guests are going to be very upset.

You say you're Catholic too, so honestly I'm amazed you didn't realize the problem sooner. You don't have to be 'hardcore' Catholic to celebrate Good Friday. I'd be particularly shocked that any chuch is willing to marry you on this date.

trix1223 · February 2011

First of all, punctuation is your friend. It's terribly hard to figure out what your posts even say because of the run-on sentences.

I work in a Presbyterian church. We would not schedule a wedding on Good Friday, and I would absolutely not attend a wedding that day.

If it's this year, then you have some big problems ahead, and I too am curious about how/why you scheduled a wedding for the day that is considered one of the holiest days in the Christian church.

Your choice to continue to hold your wedding on that day will be considered by many to be insulting to observant Christians.

deepcovejackie · February 2011

Yes, you're being unreasonable.

RebeccaB88 · February 2011

Not only unreasonable, but selfish and disrespectful. Change the date. It's your fault that you didn't check a calendar. (And it sounds like you aren't getting married in the Church, because the Church would have told you this when you tried to book it.)

marinabreeze · February 2011

I agree with PPs. It's a major religious holiday, and a very solemn one at that. Not only that, it's a holiday in your own religion. Even if you're not that observant, apparently those closest to your FI are. Since you are Catholic, are you planning on having a Catholic wedding? I can't see any Catholic priest marrying you on that date. I can't even see most Christian clergy marrying you. I go to a pretty liberal independent church and I don't think either of my pastors would perform a marriage on Good Friday either. You should strongly consider changing the date.

lauraf1202 · February 2011

Yes, this is quite unreasonable and disrespectful. What does your FI think?

GoodLuckBear14 · February 2011

I'm as far as you get from a Bible thumping Catholic and there is no way I would attend a wedding on Good Friday. In case you've forgotten here's how Good Friday goes: You should go to mass, reflect on Christ's crucifixion and that everything is dark until Easter Sunday, and you fast. I don't mean, no meat fast - I mean no food fast. Oh...and no sex.

By not changing your date you are not only being unreasonable, you are being selfish and disrespectful if you are planning a joyous wedding on this day.

skippylouwho · February 2011

I'm Methodist but I'm pretty sure you won't be having a wedding at a Catholic church on Good Friday. Most churches (Catholic and other) will not hold weddings that entire week or during Holy Week and many also exclude the week of Christmas and the week between Christmas and New Years. First they are of major religous importance but also the church staffs are over-whelmed, there are extra church/mass services that they must prepare for and they do not have the time or energy for weddings - plus the focus during that time should be on the specific religious holiday that is occuring.

I think this is mud. I can't think any Catholic would scheduled a wedding on Good Friday, I just don't believe it.

LHB2011 · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_good-friday-wedding-made-people-mad-oops?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:176cab8a-98b1-4fbf-b286-7d538bba90fcPost:13e968b9-ddf1-4bd9-8cf1-8a1925259f50">Re: good friday wedding. made some people mad oops</a>:
[QUOTE]I think this is mud. I can't think any Catholic would scheduled a wedding on Good Friday, I just don't believe it.
Posted by skippylouwho[/QUOTE]

I agree.

ootmother2 · February 2011

Yes, you're being unreasonable, that is if this isn't MUD.

There isn't a Catholic church in existance that would allow a wedding on Good Friday.

ywia

ootmother2 · February 2011

OP, you have "outdoor wedding" in your bio. That is also against Catholic Church rules 99.9% of the time.

I still think this is MUD

RoyalSpoiledOne · February 2011

You should change the date b/c it really is unreasonable.

But as far as her not being "allowed" to marry on Good Friday in the Catholic Church, she does not say in her post that she is planning on getting married in the church. Mentioning how religious her future in-laws are might indicate she is, but she doesn't actually say so, so that's not a given.

RebeccaB88 · February 2011

You could be having a civil service at a park on Good Friday and I still wouldn't be there because it is Good Friday. Go find some respect.

katiedidthat · February 2011

I agree with PP's, you need to change your date. I'm not Catholic, but I wouldn't even consider going to a wedding on Good Friday. Not even for family, because in all honesty, if family is going to show a blatant disregard to one of the holiest days of the year AND claim to be any Christian religion, I would be reconsidering association with that family member.

graysquirrel · February 2011

I would change the date. Lots of people either wont come or will not be in celebratory moods, which would be a total bummer for all (on top of offending many people). Have you talked to an officiant yet? If you are getting married in a Catholic church, I would be willing to bet money that they'd tell you that they wouldn't do it. They have services to provide and wouldn't even be able to accomodate a wedding on a holiday that is so sacred to the Catholic church.

lisab613 · February 2011

this seems like a fake post -- how in the world would this JUST come up now? your wedding is allegedly in a couple months. plus i kind of doubt the church would even let you schedule a wedding that weekend.

good friday wedding. made some people mad oops

Re: good friday wedding. made some people mad oops

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