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Wedding Etiquette Forum
starrbuk13
member
how do i tell the bride that a DW and POTLUCK AHR are tacky? (edited title!!)
i'm one of her BMs, and her latest is doing a DW and potluck AHR (with invitations and a BP and presents too!). i've tried telling her nicely that it's tacky and she really should not do it. she isn't listening.
aside from emailing her a link to this thread, how do i get the message across?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: how do i tell the bride that a DW and POTLUCK AHR are tacky? (edited title!!)
But what your friend is doing really is. If you've already stated your opinion and she still won't listen, let it go. It's not going to reflect on you.
Books read in 2012: 21/50
A potluck AHR - really distasteful, but I don't have any advice on how to get that across to her.
Is she just looking to save money or what?
[QUOTE]I'm with the others. A DW and AHR are not tacky, it's the potluck part that is tacky. Maybe point her in the direction of reception etiquette about feeding and hosting your guests. Is she just looking to save money or what?
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]
<div>ahh, forgot the word potluck in the post title!!! will try to edit!! sorry about that!</div><div>
</div><div>and yes, she is just looking to save money.</div>
Aside from the potluck shenanigans.
[QUOTE]Out of curiousity, why do you find the DW and AHR so tacky? Aside from the potluck shenanigans.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]
<div>i don't necessarily think they are. but i think asking your guests to bring food AND presents to your AHR is tacky.</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: how do i tell the bride that a DW and AHR are tacky? : i don't necessarily think they are. but i think asking your guests to bring food AND presents to your AHR is tacky.
Posted by starrbuk13[/QUOTE]
That makes sense!
40/112
1) It's just not nice to tell people that you're hosting when you're not offering anything - particularly when you didn't invite them to the wedding. To tell them to bring something can just irritate people.
2) It's really hard to coordinate this stuff. Will she have warming trays, cold baths, etc for all of this? How does she ensure that she doesn't get 25 potato salads?? You can't exactly say, "You're in charge of the beef" since that's a pricier item to do.
3) What if people just don't bring enough, don't bring what they said they'd bring, or don't show??
4) Who is in charge of setting all this up? Who is she expecting to "work" the party? That person would not have a lot of time being a guest.
5) Do you think it's nice to even THINK that you'll get gifts when people will be spending hours of their time cooking for your party? Their time and effort and money on food is a HUGE gift.
So yeah - aside from the thread, I'd ask her those questions and then start seeing ways to do an AHR that she can actually afford.
RSVP Date August 1st
[QUOTE]Could you tell her that it's not even the "tacky" word but that this is a bad idea for a few reasons: 1) It's just not nice to tell people that you're hosting when you're not offering anything - particularly when you didn't invite them to the wedding. To tell them to bring something can just irritate people. 2) It's really hard to coordinate this stuff. Will she have warming trays, cold baths, etc for all of this? How does she ensure that she doesn't get 25 potato salads?? You can't exactly say, "You're in charge of the beef" since that's a pricier item to do. 3) What if people just don't bring enough, don't bring what they said they'd bring, or don't show?? 4) Who is in charge of setting all this up? Who is she expecting to "work" the party? That person would not have a lot of time being a guest. 5) Do you think it's nice to even THINK that you'll get gifts when people will be spending hours of their time cooking for your party? Their time and effort and money on food is a HUGE gift. So yeah - aside from the thread, I'd ask her those questions and then start seeing ways to do an AHR that she can actually afford.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]
THIS. If you just tell her "it's tacky to do this," she may just be getting defensive and not really listening to you. Some of these points may make her think a little more about the dynamics. You could also mention that some people may be picky about knowing where their food comes from, or that if things don't get heated or chilled properly, people may get sick.
And now that I'm pregnant, I'm REALLY picky about what I'm eating. At least when it's done by professionals I can trust it.
[QUOTE]Could you tell her that it's not even the "tacky" word but that this is a bad idea for a few reasons: 1) It's just not nice to tell people that you're hosting when you're not offering anything - particularly when you didn't invite them to the wedding. To tell them to bring something can just irritate people. 2) It's really hard to coordinate this stuff. Will she have warming trays, cold baths, etc for all of this? How does she ensure that she doesn't get 25 potato salads?? You can't exactly say, "You're in charge of the beef" since that's a pricier item to do. 3) What if people just don't bring enough, don't bring what they said they'd bring, or don't show?? 4) Who is in charge of setting all this up? Who is she expecting to "work" the party? That person would not have a lot of time being a guest. 5) Do you think it's nice to even THINK that you'll get gifts when people will be spending hours of their time cooking for your party? Their time and effort and money on food is a HUGE gift. So yeah - aside from the thread, I'd ask her those questions and then start seeing ways to do an AHR that she can actually afford.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>ahhhh those are excellent points!! this is the kind of thing i was looking for...i don't want to just say "hey bride, don't do it that's tacky." thanks banana!
</div>
It sounds like the bride doesn't intend on providing food and drink to her guests and expects her guests to bring food and drink. That is the craziest thing I have ever heard. That is beyond tacky.