Why'd you change your name?

kathymarie · August 2009

I feel like women who don't change their name want to judge those who do, yet they don't really appreciate it when people judge them for their choiceTiff, like I said above, it is all about choice, and I dont judge. It's a matter of preference. I dont belive that your husband or father OWNS you any more than my father owns me... was just stating what I learned at Rutgers.

real deal · August 2009

I'm surprised too to hear so many brides not wanting to change their name. I thought I was the outcast. But i really like hearing reasons why or why not you've decided. Many brides get really excited about the name change, so I was thinking maybe I am missing a great party.

Mye · August 2009

look if you want to change your name to Princess Consuelo Bananahammock go for it, I do not judge

kathymarie · August 2009

Mye, I am seriously considering Princess Consuelo Bananahammock as my new name. LMAO!

kpeteley · August 2009

I am excited to take on FI's name. This does not mean that he owns me or I am submitting - I love my last name and I love FI's name. I don't want to hyphen it. I also don't have a problem with someone that doesn't take on their husbands name. I grew up with the idea of getting married and being a Mrs. XXX. It is part of the whole romantic package for me. Keeping your name doesn't make anyone stronger or better than someone who changes it-

real deal · August 2009

Don't forget to add "de la Nueva Era" after Bananahammock.

lovbulldgs · August 2009

I like the tradition of changing your name. In addition, ever since I was a kid I couldn't wait to move up the alphabet. I am a W going to a K. I know that sounds silly. I do know someone whose husband changed his last name to hers.

brad1431 · August 2009

user, I am also surprised to see so many people saying they arent changing their name. The kids are going to have the husbands name, so you are just causing confusion and problems by not taking his name. I am surprised that I havent seen anyone say, that they are moving their last name to their middle name and taking husbands last name. That seems to be a good compromise.

mbcdefg · August 2009

I grew up just thinking that was "the way it is." I don't have a problem changing my name and I know it would mean a lot to FI. If I had a problem with it, I wouldn't do it and he would respect that. I would like our future family to have one name. I know it doesn't matter, I know children grow up perfectly normal and happy when their parents have different last names. But that's just my personal preference. Besides, I'm sure I'd be referred to as "Mrs. HisName" by many people even if I chose to keep my own name, so part of taking his name is for the reason of pure convenience. And if you want be to be really honest, there are some situations where I just don't like it when families have different last names. It certainly doesn't apply to everyone, but there have been a few personal situations I know of that just make me shake my head. I also don't really buy into the "ownership" aspect of things because, like PPs said, many of us have our father's last name to begin with. So while I get where women are coming from when they say that they're not their husband's property, I also think it's sort of counterproductive to argue that point if you have your father's last name. However, I may keep my name when I'm at work. Mainly because I've done a lot of writing and news reporting in the past and would rather stay consistent with my byline.

kathymarie · August 2009

Brad, in 7 years of being a teacher, I have never had "confusion and problems" with a parent who has a different name.

caketime · August 2009

Well Brad if that's a good compromise why don't you move your last name to your middle name and take your FI name?User - did you ever consider taking your DW name? I only ask because you brought it up so was curious from the male perspective.

Mye · August 2009

no bradz, a compromise would be to get a new last name all together, the girl rearranging her whole name for the dude, not so much. My mom has a diff last name, and look I am not confusedhow about women who divorced and remarried, should they change the names of children from a previous marriage?

uppereastgirl · August 2009

Brad, I don't have the energy to respond to that, so I'll just say that I vehemently disagree.

brad1431 · August 2009

I knew I would get the why dont you take the woman's name, that wouldnt cause any confusion or problems. I think it is a generation thing like user said.

magsugar13 · August 2009

I do not think it is a new generational thing. I know a LOT of professional women who kept their own names. I am a lot older than all of you. I have kids that are teens and i am also a teacher. I have NEVER had ANY issues because my kids have a different name than mine. Having the same last name isnt what makes you a family.I totally disagree with women who don't take H's name have issue with women who do I think it is exactly the opposite! In Italy women do not take their H's name. I think most of Europe actually. I have never done things because I was supposed to, or expected to, or just for tradition. I always wanted to know why!!lol That is why I made my decision.

caketime · August 2009

No a generation thing.But again - answer the question - why not take your FI name?

USER876 · August 2009

Naw, never really thought much about it. We didn't even really discuss it, she took my name, I guess that's what we visioned happening when you get married, you become one family, one name.

uppereastgirl · August 2009

"I knew I would get the why dont you take the woman's name, that wouldnt cause any confusion or problems. I think it is a generation thing like user said."Brad, you admit that it is a generation thing, why are you suggesting that we apply last generation's tradition to this generation?I didn't take my husband's last name. I think it is nice when girls do, and nice when girls don't. It is purely a personal preference and not something that people should judge either way or draw any inferences from.Our kids are going to be growing up in a world where lots of moms did not take their husbands' last names, some kids will be adopted by families of different races so they won't look like their parents at all, some kids will have two mommies or two daddies, some kids will have parents who are very much together and in a lifelong relationship but just haven't gotten around to walking down the aisle or don't believe in marriage... The 1 daddy and 1 mommy and 2 kids all with the same last name and mommy stays at home and the house has a picket fence thing just isn't necessarily the requirement anymore. There is nothing weird or wrong about it, but there is nothing weird or wrong about the alternatives.

brad1431 · August 2009

exactly user, why create the problem, one family, one name. Now you have to constantly explain I am mrs smith, my son john jones, I am not divorced I just kept my name..... And I already answered the why dont I take her name question, that causes just as many problems, me explaining why I took her name and dont have the same last name as my father.

Karma01 · August 2009

I am changing b/c I am traditional but I do love my last name. There are only two of us in the US with my last name that I am related to. Everyone else is in Italy.I am dropping my middle name and making my maiden name my middle name. I will sign everything First Name. Middle Inital, New Last Name, .

Karma01 · August 2009

I did ask FI if he would take my name, he wasn't for it!

cvl105 · August 2009

"why create the problem"Brad, it's not really a problem. My Mom never changed her name. I got her last name as my middle name when I was born, as did my brother. It's not an issue, other than trying to say it (my full name is very eastern european and lengthy lol). Even if I had to explain it to people sometimes, or my mom, it wasn't inconvenient or an annoyance. It takes 10 second...repeat after me "I kept my maiden name".

cherylanddan0706 · August 2009

I am changing mine, I have a different last name than my mom, and I hated it, I got made fun of when I was a kid too when people realized by other mean little kids. I also had a really hard time traveling with just my mom. That being said I have personal issues on not liking what my last name is attached to so that is also part of the reason. Someone said about confusion with children with parents of a diff last name, new teachers did confuse me as a kid, but remember this was 20 years ago as well.

melissa82 · August 2009

I'm not changing mine, at least I have no plans to right now. I think socially I'll just accept whatever people want to call me, but officially I'll probably not change it. I like my name and see no good reason why I should change it simply because I am female.The reason I say socially is because it's just annoying to keep correcting people. Even now, FI travels so much and when I go with him, inevitably the hotel staff assume we are married and call me "Mrs. S." It's not worth it to explain that we are not married, yadda yadda.I don't judge people who make the choice to change. I do feel a little...sad? frustrated?...when women say they never even thought about it. Make it your choice! What I find interesting is that it's perfectly legal for the man to take the woman's name.....why don't you ever hear of that option?That is exactly what I said to FI when he wasn't understanding why I didn't want to change my name. I said, "How would you feel if I just expected you to change your identity because we're getting married?"I am surprised that I havent seen anyone say, that they are moving their last name to their middle name and taking husbands last name. That seems to be a good compromise. How is that a compromise?? No one asks you what your middle name is or identifies you by it! And if it's such a good compromise, why aren't you compromising your name?

uppereastgirl · August 2009

Brad, the way I look at it is, if people are stupid enough that they don't understand that two people with different last names can be married to each other or that kids can have different last names than their moms despite the parents still being married, they don't deserve the breath it would take for me to explain that I am married. And who cares that I'm married?

magsugar13 · August 2009

exactly user, why create the problem, one family, one name. Now you have to constantly explain I am mrs smith, my son john jones, I am not divorced I just kept my nameLOL...tooo funny...it would seem some of us would only having the problem dealing wiht people like you Brad! I also see you have a slight comprehension issue...it isn't a problem at all. I live it and guess what? Some people have a level of intelligence that they can actually comprehend that some moms keep their own names even if they aren't divorced! I never explained or was asked to explain why I kept my name, or why my kids have a different last name.

uppereastgirl · August 2009

Melissa, when we travel, 99% of the time I'm the one who makes the reservation and I put it in my name out of habit/because that's what's on my credit card. So the hotel staff always calls us "Mr. & Mrs. Mymaidenname." I find that funny, especially since I think there have been like 4 times ever that anyone has ever called us "Mr. & Mrs. Hislastname." So not worth correcting them though.

Karma01 · August 2009

Correct me if I am wrong but a lot of my students from Central America all have 2 last names. They have their mothers and fathers. Makes it a litle confusing but I like it.I have had other children from cultures where the son takes his father's name and the daughter takes the mother's last name.

melissa82 · August 2009

How can it be generational when most of us are of the same generation??

brad1431 · August 2009

it isnt that people arent smart enough to realize that you kept your maiden name, but you are in the vast minority. I am sure a lot of you will say you are not in the minority, but I know only 1 person who didnt completely take her husbands name, she hyphenated it and I am no where near sheltered, if that is the next comment...

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