dinner is costing too much!

MrsLicata · August 2009

our guest list keeps getting smaller and smaller because we cant afford to pay for everyone to eat! what are some ideas to get around this? ive looked into catering, banquet halls, resturants, etc etc. but they all charge so many fees!! our ceremony is on the beach, and from there .. im stuck!! 6 months to go! help!!

Leah&Christian09 · August 2009

If you do a reception not at a meal time, say 2-5, you don't have to serve a meal.

alithebride · August 2009

ok so it seems that you underestimated how much it would cost. have you sent out STDs yet or can you change things around without anyone noticing?can you cut back in other ways? photographer? flowers? limos? favors? types of food served? way it's served (buffet instead of plated) etc.....can you change the venue?otherwise-cut your list more.

mbcdefg · August 2009

Look at your overall budget and allot about 50-55% of that to the reception (food, fees, etc.). Then go to your local board, explain how much money you need to spend and how many people you need to seat and feed, and maybe they can help you out. Ditto PPs - if you didn't send out Save the Dates yet or tell people that they're invited, look into slashing the guest list a bit. This is the #1 way to save money. Is your bio date accurate - Wed., Feb. 10, 2010? I was going to suggest possibly changing your date to a less popular time (anytime but Saturday night, off-season, etc.). Serve cake and coffee if you don't do it during dinnertime, like PP said. Maybe 2-4 p.m. Flesh it out with platters of fruit and cookies or other pastries. Add some champagne or dessert wine for alcohol if you want.

jagore08 · August 2009

Have you looked at places that let you bring in your own catering? There are many places that you can use (think BBQ or Italian food) where you can order in large quantities and are easy to transport. Also, with these places you can usually bring in your own alcohol which really cuts down on costs.

MrsLicata · August 2009

these suggestions were great! i havent sent out my save-the-dates yet. we are all ready married, and this is for our vow renewals. our date (feb. 20 -- saturday) is all ready booked. were having our ceremony on the beach. the only people that are aware of the "wedding" are immediate family. the guest list right now is cut down to JUST family. no bridesmaids. no groomsmen. no friends. im freaking out a little. and yes, i TOTALLY underestimated how much it was to just feed people!! (hehe) if i were to do something after lunch, but before dinner, what would i serve? how would i incorporate the champagne toast, cutting the cake, etc etc. would i have to cut the reception short if im not serving food?

mbcdefg · August 2009

if i were to do something after lunch, but before dinner, what would i serve? Cake and coffee would be fine, maybe with some fruit and cookies as well. Or you can do small sandwiches, and maybe order a big pot of soup or chili to flesh that out a bit. how would i incorporate the champagne toast, cutting the cake, etc etc. You can just do them as normal. Are you ahving a DJ or a maitre d'? Ask them to coordinate it. would i have to cut the reception short if im not serving food? You don't HAVE to, but people might not want to stay 5 hours. I'd shoot for 2 hours, 3 tops.

MrsLicata · August 2009

awesome, awesome! this definitely helps a lot. thanks

ffmaid · August 2009

If you can not afford this, and it is a vow renewal pretend wedding anyway, and it is stressing you out. Why not stop lying to folks and instead just say hey we are already married and skip the charade and cancel your pretend wedding party and get more fiscally sound

MrsLicata · August 2009

nooooo. definitely not an option. we did that the last time, and ive regreted it ever since. we didnt have a wedding the first time around, we exchanged vows in a small chapel, with one witness. no family. no friends. no nothing. im not shooting for a crazy, expensive, wedding. im cutting corners as much as possible. i just dont know what to do when it comes to the reception. plus, everything else is done.

Leah&Christian09 · August 2009

You are already married. Skip the fake wedding. There is no good reason for this farce, but tons of reasons not to do it, particularly that you can't afford to do it.

MrsLicata · August 2009

no. this is my real wedding.

ffmaid · August 2009

No your real wedding is when you got married. This is just the party. If it is a party you can not afford cancel it. But a wedding is where you get married calling this a wedding is a lie to your guests and yourselves and an insut to your own marriage that says you consider your marriage less valid due to lack of princess party.

MrsLicata · August 2009

no. your wedding is when you go before a priest, or a rabbi, or whatever, and you say your vows, and you say i do. and then you go, and dance with your husband, and dance with your father, etc etc. your "married" when you sign a little piece of paper, and register with the state. or maybe ... your wedding is whatever you want it to be. anyway, the topic of the forum wasnt "is my marriage valid?" or "should i even bother having another wedding?" im looking for advice on how to have a beautiful reception, without spending THOUSANDS of dollars. any help related to that topic, is greatly appreciated. thanks.

Leah&Christian09 · August 2009

Your wedding is when you go in single, and come out married. That already happened.Maybe you need a dictionary?

Leah&Christian09 · August 2009

And anyway, if you go through with this, it is just going to make you look like a gift-grabbing AW to your family and friends. Better to skip and and look like an adult who has learned to live with the consequences of her decision.

faith194 · August 2009

You are married.You chose to get married without family and friends.You cannot afford to have this vow renewal(the budget for it is stressing you out).Skip the vow renewal and just invite your parents/siblings over for a nice sit-down dinner at your house to celebrate your marriage.

faith194 · August 2009

It is You're married. . .not your married when. . .I was married in front of a JOP. No priest or rabbi needed.You were married when you said your vows in a small/intimate ceremony. I'm assuming you signed your license and went on your merry way.

mbcdefg · August 2009

If you want to have a party with your family, that's fine. Just realize that "party" does not equal "wedding" - which is what I think the people above me are trying to say. You already had your real wedding.

lyndausvi · August 2009

I just do not understand throwing a party when you do not have the money. There are quite a few girls on here who were having the same issue and we all just said, go to the JOP and just go out to dinner afterwards. You know what? You already did that. You are head of the game.I get wanting a do over. But if you can not afford it why bother? The ultimate goal is to be married and you are already there.Why not wait and have a kick a$$ 10th anniversary party? (or whatever big anniversary you want to pick). You can still do a vow renewal, but it gives you time to save up more money for your dream party?

trlee26 · August 2009

DH and I got married on the beach recently and we had a Southern BBQ reception but don't let the casual food choice fool you it wasn't cheap. We did have a welcome party (destination wedding) and we ordered some party trays (meat, cheese, fruit, vegetables, and sandwich fixings.) We bought a few different types of mustard and mayo and several different types of bread. We also had some macaroni salad and potato salad. It was casual and everyone just kind of hung out by the pool and listened to music while eating. We used our iPod for music. For drinks we just served sweet tea, Kool-Aid and water. Not sure where you're located but we had our rehearsal dinner catered by Sticky Fingers BBQ and they had menus as low as $8pp. Good luck!

Angel Helper · August 2009

One of the ways to help reduce costs would be to book a church hall or hall that would let you bring in your own food ect. Maybe family members could make and bring in a few things. Your gift would be their gift of food. if you use a church hall linens may be available to use. Sometimes they have votive holders and small centerpieces avaiable to use or rent very inexpensively. Good Will is a good source for votives, glass ware or misc. wedding things. You might also look into a park for an afternoon reception. Parks are reasonably priced. Use the shelter if rain occurs. I agree to stick to an afternoon wedding reception. Also Sunday's are usually cheaper. Your wedding is after Valentines Day. Utilize day after for 50% off candy ect. I would suggest silk flowers for you. Fresh flowers will still be expensive the week after Valentines Day. For the cake cutter, my son is using ours. We will have it engraved with his date and our other son will hopefully use it too. It will be sentimental for everyone. Singers for wedding, may be a friend who again will donate their time. Walmart has a CD with wedding songs, you can purchase. We used it at a friends wedding using a CD Player and a small amplifpher or Kareoke machine. Last but not least, gather your family and husbands family and see what resources are available. Many people will love to help. Just get them together and see what will come to be. Don't be flustrated, be motivated. It's amazing to stand back and see what can transpire if you just ask for a little help. Things don't have to be expensive. Think discounts, borrowing and gifts of love from others.

Emstarme · August 2009

I understand why you want to renew your vows in front of family and friends but it sounds like maybe you should wait until you have the money. Then you could have the renewal or anniversary party you've always wanted. It seems silly to have a renewal when you can't afford to have the people you want there and have the reception you want. That being said if it is important to you to do it when you are having difficulty affording it just serve BBQ or small sandwiches and cake and punch between meal times, at like 2. I hope whatever you choose it works out. Also, I agree, make sure your guests know you are already married. I would be upset if I found out my friend had already been married but I thought I was witnessing the first ceremony.

caraanddj · August 2009

I think it is great that you are renewing your vows! I'm assuming your family and friends have probably already figured out you are married considering you wear your wedding and engagement rings, so I do not know why anyone is making a big deal about you having a larger celebration the second time around. It is your money to spend, not theirs. One good way to cut the cost of a reception is to limit the amount of alcohol. Consider having an open bar for the first two hours, and then serving only wine, beer, and soda for the remaining reception (adjust times accordingly depending on how long you have the reception) or as was suggested earlier, have an early afternoon reception with only champagne or a brunch reception with mimosas. It would depend on how early the ceremony is planned. Also, this may be way 'out there' but you could consider some type of beach party, with little food stations and some beach chairs and tables, and then games of volleyball, etc. right after the ceremony ...something fun and light- it all depends on how formal you want it to be and what you expect that your family and friends are expecting. Happy planning

ootmother2 · August 2009

skip the formality. You're married now. Invite friends and famiy to celebrate on the beach with you. It's called fun.I'll take any occasion to celebrate and even will bring a give. It's called fun as long as you're honest about it.BBQ, wine, champagne, Costco or food if that matters. fun, food and booze & SMILES

dsouldiva · August 2009

Why don't you do a simple picnic , BBQ, serve cake and drinks etc. DIY the food to save money or do a backyard wedding.I would agree with the pp's with regards to pushing the date back to allow you to save more towards it. Especially since you seem to have regretted not doing the big Wedding first time around, since you are already married I can't see the rush and if you do this "Wedding" and it's still not what you really wanted, I doubt anyone is going to be enthusiastic about you doing a third "wedding".

Justin's Love · August 2009

I'm having the ceremony start at 7 and the reception start around 8 so I can just serve hors d'ourves / appetizers and dessert instead of a full meal. At my reception hall it's half the price! Just an option to consider.

dinner is costing too much!

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