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Etiquette

Porn

I have 2 friends right now that are dealing with this and think that my perspective is very skewed.How often on a weekly basis do you think it's ok for men to look at porn?How much is too much?Does your husband look at porn?
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Re: Porn

  • Honestly I'm not sure.  I'm sure H does look at porn, but definitely not more than once a week if I know him at all.  The last time I asked him about it it had been at least a month, so I guess he doesn't do it that often. I remember the first time I found porn on his computer.  He was so embarrassed :)I guess I think that more than a couple of times a week (unless it's part of a normal sex routine that involves both people and both people enjoy it) can be a bit much, but I don't know.
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  • Oooo I like these topics.I personally am an avid believer in porn.  I watch it, FI watches it, we have a very healthy collection of DVDs and magazines and such...and I don't have any problems with it.  I think the only time I would find it *too* much would be if that is what he spent his entire free time doing, or if it started to interfere with our plans together or with friends, etc.  Or if it got to the point where he was watching it everyday but never wanted to be with me...that's a problem too.  As long as he's doing what he needs and I am still getting the attention I need, I'm gravy.
  • How often on a weekly basis do you think it's ok for men to look at porn? As often as he wants as long as it doesn't interfere with the couple's sex life.How much is too much? If he starts choosing porn over his actual relationship.Does your husband look at porn? Yuppers. I ask him how the "ladies" are doing. Lately he's been saying boring.
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  • I'm okay with porn. In fact, when FI and I first started dating I was the supplier of his porn. I was the one that talked him into getting playboy.I think it becomes too much porn when a guy would rather look at that than look at the one they are with, or it interferes with other things. My FI and I watch porn together. If he does watch it without me, he doesn't tell me.  I'm fine with that because when I want some lovin he gives it to me.
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  • Too much is when you can't function without it...I'm sure FI looks at it, I have stumbled across some since we share a computer,  I really don't care.  It's normal. 






  • I'd say once or twice a week would be okay with me. 4 times or more a week would get on my nerves. My FI does not look at porn, though I'd be fine with it if he did. Now, assuming he did look at it, here's my line of thinking: I don't feel that looking at porn takes away from his attraction to me - it can add to the bedroom creativity. As long as he doesn't expect me to perform like a porn star or start to have unrealistic expectations, I'm fine.
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  • I have no idea how much is healthy. FI doesnt watch it. Im not very helpful on this topic.
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  • Hmmm I think a once or twice a week is ok. It gets to be too much when they are looking at it every day for several hours or it is interefering with other things.My fiance looks at porn and we watch together semi-regularly.
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  • Porn is a non-issue.  Growing up my bro (who is 10 years older than me) always had mags in his bathroom.  I'd look through them.  To me, it just seems normal.Movies and stuff... I don't really care either way.  As long as it's not taking away from "us".

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  • I don't know that there's a set number that its ok. If one week I was sick or something and couldn't do anything and he looked at it several nights that week, I wouldn't have an issue. If it was just a regular week though, I don't know how much I would want him looking at it without me. Even then, I wouldn't want it to be a part of our everyday sex life. I'm afraid that I would lose the distance I have with it now. I know he doesn't expect me to act like or look like the women on there, its just something to spice things up. But if we/he were to watch it all the time, I might start to get insecure. Its too much when he chooses it over real sex. He does very rarely. He doesn't have a big sex drive and he works really long days. He doesn't even take care of business very often unless I'm there. I believe that he's telling me the truth becaue he knows I have no problem with it at all.
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  • He can look at porn as often as he wants. It's only weird when he keeps it a secret from me. I found porn on his computer the other day. I looked at his history, and figured out that he had come home over lunch and watched porn. That skeeved me out quite a bit. Too much is every day, I think. When he's more interested in porn than he is in me. Yes, he looks at porn. We both do, although I don't watch it so much anymore.
  • It depends. If it's that time of the month, then he watches it every couple days, if not, he doesn't watch it. We've tried watching it together, but we get bored and would rather be doing it ourselves.
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  • What if he kept if from you, would it be different? I don't really know. I work with juvenile sex offenders so porn is like a part of my daily life. I talk about it all the time. As long as it isn't pedophilic or deviant in nature, whatever. Too much I think if he is trying to hide it from someone. Scott doesn't, which is why I don't really know what's considered normal in a relationship.
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  • How often on a weekly basis do you think it's ok for men to look at porn? - It's not for me to tell grown men what is ok for them to do.How much is too much? - Um... I guess if he stopped going to work in order to stay home and look at porn instead, that would be too much.Does your husband look at porn? However much he wants. Probably varies from week to week, depending on how much sex we've been having. Or his mood. Maybe 1 day a week, maybe 3 or 4, sometimes 2x a day on Saturdays!
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  • I know FI looks like 2 or 3 times a week. I'm okay with it, but that's because it doesn't interfere with our intimate business.I think pretty much as long as a guy can keep the fantasy and reality straight, he's not looking "too much".

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  • I am not much help on this subject.  FI would choose watching sports over porn any day of the week.  He doesn't regularly look at/watch porn.  But I totally told him I wanted to watch one tonight. 
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  • I don't really know about "hiding" it from someone either though, because I have no idea how much H watches porn without me, but I don't consider that hiding it.  I just don't usually ask.  I'm also convinced however that H masturbates a lot less than normal guys, so that might make a difference.  He does that/watches porn so seldom from what I expected that it's just not really an issue for us.
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  • I wonder what the 'normal' is for guys and masturbating? I'm pretty sure FI only does it once or twice a week. If we see each other one weekend after the other, most of the time, he hasn't done it at all. I've always thought that was pretty weird. But this is coming from a girl that almost does it on the daily.
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  • I think if my fiance was trying to hide that he watched porn it would make me wonder if I wasn't doing enough for him since we are so open about the topic. But that's how our relationship is - we watched a porn with 10 other people in one of our friends' dorm room in college - we definitely aren't shy about porn.
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  • I know he has porn on one of our hard drives, but now that it is not on his laptop, he doesn't watch it. I am not sure if he watches any online. As long as it is not more than once or twice a week, then I don't see it as a problem. I'd rather him want to have sex with me though than watch porn.
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  • My ex-husband had a big problem with porn, so I'm a bit sensitive about it.  He looked at it daily and overdrew our checking account (and then lied about it) a couple times buying porn.  FI thinks it's silly and stupid and doesn't look at it at all. 
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  • Louisville I've always wondered that too.  DH does it less now than he did when we started dating, I don't know if that has to do with anything, but at least recently he hasn't been doing it more than once a week.  I do it maybe once every 2 weeks. Kind of surprising because for the 6 months or so before the wedding I had no sex drive at all, so I was surprised he didn't up it a lot.  Maybe we're just not masturbaters.  Who knows. I'm sharing an awful lot today.  Hmm.
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  • I learned about a new study that shows how extensive (so not just once-a-week use) of porn decreases a person's ability to feel empathy for other people. I think that's kind of scary. Porn in itself isn't bad, but there's a fine line between healthy use and unhealthy use. Kind of like alcohol.I'm not comfortable with it, mostly because of the horror stories I've heard from friends of mine who were in the industry and left after bad sh*t. Many women find it empowering, but I won't endorse something that exploits people. I see it as similar to supporting brands that you know use sweatshop work.FI doesn't watch it, so it's a non-issue for us. I do have a friend who's not ok with it whose DH watches it a lot. It's causing a lot of problems between them.I think that if both partners are ok with it, it shouldn't be a problem. Just be aware of the risks.
  • Actually, my aunt just broke it off with a guy because of porn.  He was apparently addicted to it.  Like he never wanted to have sex, he just wanted to watch it.  I think that is too much when it replaces desires for your partner.
  • I don't think there is a particular number of days a week that defines too much porn. As long as it is not interfering with anything 'normal' (ie sex life, relationships with both your partner and friends, your hobbies), then its probably ok. I know BF looks at porn. How often, I don't know, and it's hard to tell since we don't live together full time. We don't really talk about it, but I know it happens, and I'm fine with it.
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    I think as long as they dont rub themselves raw or wrack up huge bills, who cares. It isnt hurting anyone unless they start doing it so much that they neglect their spouse or responsibilities.It depends. If it starts to create intimacy issues in the relationship then its an issue its too much.He DID, to my knowledge he hasnt in a long time. I used to find it on his computer and he would get embarrassed so he made his computer auto delete his history so I stopped looking. I thought it was cute. Im pretty sure he might once in a while.
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  • What if he kept if from you, would it be different?Well if he's good at keeping secrets then you wouldn't know he was doing it now would you? If FI looked at it and never told me but I never asked then I don't think either of us are in the wrong. If he starts locking doors without telling me why, that would be a no-no.I think a more important question would be if your FI lied about it would it be different. Lying about it is a big deal breaker.
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  • I ended my last relationship partly due to porn so I have a slightly skewed view of it. Very short version - ex bf would rather look at porn than spend any time with me, would lie about it, say he wished I looked like the girls he watched, etc.So once I found porn on the computer and had a total breakdown with poor dh. It just brought to light the insecurities formed from my last relationship. I think now I'd be ok/better about it.From what he tells me, Dh doesn't look at porn anymore, then again, we do have a lot of sex now verses a year ago so he may not have the energy to!
  • H makes fun of me because I like porn more than he does. There were times when we were not living together that I probably watched as much porn as a 15 year old boy. Like PP, I don't think there's some set limit beyond which porn is no longer okay. It also depends on context. As someone who has watched a lot of porn, I would still give the side eye to a person who watched it alone more than once a week or so while living with his/her partner. Only because you'd have to make a deliberate effort to find the alone time to watch it, and porn is just not worth that. But for people not living together..."too much" porn would be porn that interferes with the relationship. He says that before we lived together, he watched it maybe once a month. Now he never watches it, because there is no point. I haven't watched it at all either since getting married, but maybe I'll talk him into watching some together sometime.
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