I need ya ladies!!!

the cat · September 2009

My ex b/f text me around 6 this am that his dad passed away. We'll call him Jack. Jack and I dated a few months, met each other's families, had good times. We just weren't sexually compatible. He was good as gold to me and my son. We both new it wouldn't work and remained friends. Real friends, not just associates or buddies. P doesn't like this guy b/c we were sexual at one time. He is of the opinion Jack is looking for something & that we can't 'just be friends'. I'm on the inside and I know better. I know Jack is genuine. He's really a good guy people. Do I tell P about it and ask him to go with me to the funeral - in a/n city? Do I send flowers and keep it on the hush or do I just be open? I'm really not trying to hide anything, but I do want peace in my house!

Ladysun083 · September 2009

If it was me I would say tell P and send flowers/ a note...like you said this is your friend and P is your DH and you want "peace in your house"

MrsJJohnson2B · September 2009

wow sorry to hear of the lost To keep peace and remain honest I would tell P and express how you would like to go to the funeral and have him with you. I also, would states that you plan to send flowers if you dont attend! HTH

Mrs.JKforever · September 2009

My ex-bf was killed in a car accident last year and I would have went to the funeral but his Mom finally reached me the day of so we both went over to her house and paid our respects. Now both of his babymamas was pissed but that is another story. John understood the situation and was like he was the past. John also knows that his Mom and I have kept in touch for the last 14 years (he was my first real boyfriend).I say don't hide anything, while he may not want to go to the funeral maybe you can just let him know that you will be sending flowers as a way of paying your respect.

Lady Redrum · September 2009

Definitely tell P. at the very least send a card and flowers from you and P. IF P is ok with it, i think going to the funeral together and his meeting Jack may ease his mind about your friendship.

brobin01 · September 2009

I would call and also send flowers. P doesn't need to know all the details of you and him...

alfdallas21 · September 2009

on the real, I totally agree with ladysun -- tell P about it and send flowers with a note...(1) you're being honest and open with P about "Jack's" situation (2) you are showing Jack support regardless if you are there physically or not...I think this solution will keep peace in your house...GL!

miss2mrscj · September 2009

I say be honest with your hubby. And let him know that you would like to go to the funeral, however you understand it he doesn't want to attend with you. If that doesn't work just send the flowers. You have to keep the peace in your home. My ex was killed last year in a car accident. We had a 17 year history but we were also friends. Cecil didn't go with me but he supported my decision to go with my friends. I'm sure P will understand.

ishawnamcm · September 2009

No matter what tell P. If you want to go to the funeral to support him as a friend, ask P to come. If he doesn't want to go, respect his wishes and send flowers and sympathy card. Make sure P understands how you really feel about this in spite of his territorial demands. He is a man..

the cat · September 2009

Thanks y'all. Group hug. I love this support system. Sometimes real family just don't cut it! Even though it'll prolly have P on "red" alert, I'mma tell him Jack text me and blah blah blah. I'm gonna send flowers for sure. Whether we make the funeral is another matter!

MRS.TJB · September 2009

I would tell P and send flowers/card. I have a friend like this too. I used to tell other guys before FI that he was my cousin so I wouldn't get any raised eyebrows...but since I have been totally honest with FI I told him the truth about his guy...now I wish I hadn't. But, I think you should let P know...send the flowers and be there to listen if your friend wants to talk. Going to the funeral may be a bit much...for P that is;-)

OFF · September 2009

Be honest and tell P about it. You don't want to build your marriage on hiding stuff even if it's little stuff. I understand the guy is good people and you are friends however, to keep peace in the house I wouldn't go to the funeral I would send flowers and my condolences.

Spim7 · September 2009

I'd be open with him about whatever you decide to do.

apiffanynow · September 2009

what would you want your husband to do if the situation were reversed? Thats how I always base my decisions when it comes to choices and decisions such as this. If you would want him to be honest with you and let you know what is going on then definetly be honest with him and just send flowers.

blue19violet · September 2009

Sorry for your friend’s loss. You know P and I are like ‘pop’ and ‘lock’ right? I think he’s good peoplez and really seem to make you and Dynamite happy. Just like I’d tell you when you’re wrong, I’mma have to call P out when he’s wrong. This is the passing of your good friend’s father. Whether or not you two dated in the past really does not come into play here. If you were trying to go to that funeral alone and not tell him about it, I’d say that you should know better. However, you’re putting it out there to him and though he might feel uncomfortable with the idea, this is a time when he has to put his comfort aside to do what’s right. This is not a passing acquaintance. If it’s really not possible to travel to the funeral then send your condolences in the form of a bouquet. However, if you can be there to have this dude’s back, then I say the two of you should go. I have not had (thank God) to face the loss of a parent but I know what it would mean to me to have those that I really care about surrounding me – especially on that day.

KimRhone · September 2009

Send the flowers and keep it on the hush. You don't want anything to interrupt the zen in your household

mandikaykay · September 2009

I know I'm all late and stuff, but I've been working today, fa real. I agree with Ladysun also, tell P about it, send flowers and a sincere note. I wouldn't hide it, but I wouldn't push it with P either since you already know how he feels about it.

MrClintonsFirstLady09 · September 2009

Ok Cat I know I am late as hell (as usual) but I wanted to comment too. Knowing that P has an issue w/ this man and the relationship you use to have with him, I would say to keep peace in the house so that you won't need bail money later, just send some flowers and card and keep it moving. If you want to tell P about your plans of doing so, then do it, (for honesty sake). But do you think P will be mad about the flowers and card if you do tell him? If you think so then I would not tell him nothing and just send it. What is ol boy gonna do, show up at the house and say thank you in person? I THINK NOT! So send them and don't tell P nothing.

HisWifey82 · September 2009

I agree with previous post...discuss it with your husband he might be more recpetive than you think....best of luck

Mypasmita · September 2009

I am reaaaaaaally late but agree with Alf and lady. Who knows how he would react? Give him a chance!

Lovie 129 · September 2009

You always want to be honest, things have a way of biting you in the butt if you aren't.

Blkswnn · September 2009

I agree with pp, be honest with P. I know it's in your heart do something and I definitely think flowers, a sincere note or even a phone call to the family is appropriate.

I need ya ladies!!!

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