am i wrong to be mad

AmyL83 · August 2012

I'm getting married June 2013. I have been engaged for a while and we finally deceided on a date. I just found out a few weeks ago that my FI younger sister (21) just got engaged and wants to get married 2 month after we do. It really makes me mad and I think it's just rude. It's super frustrating because I want to be excited and share my ideas for the wedding but I am not interested in hearing what she is planning and I dont want to be stuck being "planning buddies" mostly becasue I can't stand my FSIL. I know this seems selfish but this is my day and my summer and I dont want to share it.

Beachy730 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-i-wrong-to-be-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f5ecfa43-ae94-4855-bb66-2f9cf4648325Post:dc45835b-b126-4918-b4ec-8b5fe021613a">am i wrong to be mad</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm getting married June 2013. I have been engaged for a while and we finally deceided on a date. I just found out a few weeks ago that my FI younger sister (21) just got engaged and wants to get married 2 month after we do. It really makes me mad and I think it's just rude. It's super frustrating because I want to be excited and share my ideas for the wedding but I am not interested in hearing what she is planning and I dont want to be stuck being "planning buddies" mostly becasue I can't stand my FSIL. I know this seems selfish but this is my day and my summer and I dont want to share it. 
Posted by AmyL83[/QUOTE]

<div>You get one day. I would justify being mad if she was planning it within the same week or even month maybe. But 2 months apart in the summer is PLENTY of time. Just because you had a long engagement doesn't mean she needs to, and about a year engagement is pretty normal. If you can't handle it then move your wedding date to 2014 or fall or winter. But honestly, you sound like a brat saying it's your summer. Nobody cares about your wedding as much as you do, and they certainly aren't going to dedicate their summer to your wedding that lasts one day.</div>

MrsMack10612 · August 2012

See that's where you're wrong. You don't get a summer. You get one day. Just like she gets one day.

You have absolutely nothing to be upset about. They picked the best date for them, just like you picked for you.

Kate61487 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-i-wrong-to-be-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f5ecfa43-ae94-4855-bb66-2f9cf4648325Post:dc45835b-b126-4918-b4ec-8b5fe021613a">am i wrong to be mad</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm getting married June 2013. I have been engaged for a while and we finally deceided on a date. I just found out a few weeks ago that my FI younger sister (21) just got engaged and wants to get married 2 month after we do. It really makes me mad and I think it's just rude. It's super frustrating because I want to be excited and share my ideas for the wedding but I am not interested in hearing what she is planning and I dont want to be stuck being "planning buddies" mostly becasue I can't stand my FSIL. I know this seems selfish but this is my day and my summer and I dont want to share it.
Posted by AmyL83[/QUOTE]

are you kidding me? You're claiming the ENTIRE SUMMER? You get one day. period.

arrestclementine · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-i-wrong-to-be-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f5ecfa43-ae94-4855-bb66-2f9cf4648325Post:dc45835b-b126-4918-b4ec-8b5fe021613a">am i wrong to be mad</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm getting married June 2013. I have been engaged for a while and we finally deceided on a date. I just found out a few weeks ago that my FI younger sister (21) just got engaged and wants to get married 2 month after we do. It really makes me mad and I think it's just rude. It's super frustrating because I want to be excited and share my ideas for the wedding but I am not interested in hearing what she is planning and I dont want to be stuck being "planning buddies" mostly becasue I can't stand my FSIL. I know this seems selfish but this is my day and my summer and I dont want to share it.
Posted by AmyL83[/QUOTE]

You're right it is your day... but you don't get an entire summer. You don't have to plan with her, just don't ask her for help or her ideas, and don't share any wedding related information with her. You'll be just fine.

Meegles4 · August 2012

What PPs said. You get one day. You can certainly choose not to share wedding plans, etc. You'll have to get over her date choice.

pkontk · August 2012

As PPs said, you don't get to dictate when she has her wedding, and you only get one day. If you don't want to be 'planning buddies' with her, then don't talk about wedding planning with her.

JaxInBlue · August 2012

Every bride get one day (possibly one weekend). Beyond that you don't get to lay claim to a whole month, season, year. Your FSIL isn't doing anything wrong by picking a date that works for her and for her FI. IMO, if anyone initiates a conversation with FSIL about the date, it should be her parents (your FILs) and that would only be if they are asked, and only if they have reason to believe two weddings so close together will be a stress on their family.

You can and should still be excited for your day and your planning period - and be excited to share your ideas with your FI. You do not have to share wedding details with anyone else though. You can tell anyone who asks about X that you haven't made a decision, are still considering options or want to suprise your guests with your decision.

I've also heard of brides getting married around the same time that can leverage discounts with vendors they both use, can refer each other for discounted services aor who can benefit from sharing costs for some items.

AceTT · August 2012

You get one day. Not a whole week, not a whole month, and certainly not an entire season! Two months is plenty of time between family weddings. There is absolutely nothing to be upset over.

Stackeye210 · August 2012

Breathe. Gain perspective. You don't have to be planning buddies. You don't have to share ideas and you don't have to get mad. Promise, it will be just fine. It's not 2 weeks, it's 2 months. You'll more than be back and recovered from your honeymoon and planning. I bet by that time you'll miss wedding planning and will be happy to be at a wedding where you didn't have to do any work where you could just enjoy things.

It's not a competition, it's not a slap in the face, it's just a wedding date that they picked.

sarabellam · August 2012

It's good that you are so self-aware; "I know this seems selfish..." Yep, it sure is. You wanted to be excited and share ideas, but you don't want to afford your FSIL the same courtesy. Nice.

Meegles4 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-i-wrong-to-be-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f5ecfa43-ae94-4855-bb66-2f9cf4648325Post:9f9e8026-5e82-4eb3-a180-55c0dee0ebc3">Re: am i wrong to be mad</a>:
[QUOTE]Breathe. Gain perspective. You don't have to be planning buddies. You don't have to share ideas and you don't have to get mad. Promise, it will be just fine. It's not 2 weeks, it's 2 months. You'll more than be back and recovered from your honeymoon and planning. I bet by that time you'll miss wedding planning and will be happy to be at a wedding where you didn't have to do any work where you could just enjoy things. It's not a competition, it's not a slap in the face, it's just a wedding date that they picked.
Posted by Stackeye210[/QUOTE]

Stacks actually makes a FABULOUS point. An old neighbor of H got married a month after we did. Granted, it wasn't close family so there wasn't any of that "OMG it's my season" stuff, but, it was still a wedding in close proximity to my own. And you know what? That wedding was the best wedding I've been to. Not because of the wedding itself, but because it wasn't mine.

I loved my wedding, but it was a lot of work. It's hard being corseted into a big dress for 12 hours and schmoozing family and friends. But it's suuuper fun to get drunk at someone else's wedding in a dress that's actually comfortable. Trust. You will love the sh*t out of that wedding.

libby2483 · August 2012

I think that her choosing a day two months away from yours is more than reasonable. I could see being mad if she wanted to get married on the same weekend as you. Honestly, I would also probably be a little frustrated if she wanted to get married one week away if there were a lot of OOT guests that would have trouble traveling to both back to back. But to claim that you deserve an entire summer makes you sound very entitled. Let this one go.

Carson386 · August 2012

Don't be too upset over this. It's 2 months after yours and the PPs made great points, you don't get the whole summer, you get a day or a weekend.If she planned her wedding the same weekend as yours, that's good ground to be upset on. As for being planning buddies, don't be if you don't want to be. She can't make you sit down with her and plan out everything together.

misshart00 · August 2012

Also, have either of you picked a venue? One or both of your dates could change based on the availability of where you get married.

Snippylynn · August 2012

ericaandtom2012 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-i-wrong-to-be-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f5ecfa43-ae94-4855-bb66-2f9cf4648325Post:52cafff6-3c02-4361-84e5-214d5e271b02">Re:am i wrong to be mad</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, have either of you picked a venue? One or both of your dates could change based on the availability of where you get married.
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

<div>This is a good point. Until a location has been booked and a deposit put down, the date is fluid. Don't talk about wedding stuff with her if you don't want to be "planning buddies". Personally, I wish I could have a planning buddy, because I know anyone that isn't planning a wedding doesn't care at all about me addressing envelopes, booking transportation, or my ideas for table numbers. </div>

Summer2011Bride · August 2012

Everyone else has covered the date thing. As far as "planning buddies," just don't bring up your wedding around her.

If she starts talking wedding or asking you questions, be vague or non-committal ("Oh we haven't yet made a final decision on flowers.') I think you might be overestimating how much she will want to talk wedding stuff with you. And if she does want to, listen to her talk for a few minutes, then politely change the subject.

Gabrielle76 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-i-wrong-to-be-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f5ecfa43-ae94-4855-bb66-2f9cf4648325Post:dc45835b-b126-4918-b4ec-8b5fe021613a">am i wrong to be mad</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm getting married June 2013. I have been engaged for a while and we finally deceided on a date. I just found out a few weeks ago that my FI younger sister (21) Why does that matter? just got engaged and wants to get married 2 month after we do. It really makes me mad and I think it's just rude. It isn't It's super frustrating because I want to be excited and share my ideas for the wedding but I am not interested in hearing what she is planning Now THAT is rude. "I want to share and be excited, but I don't want you to do the same thing... and I dont want to be stuck being "planning buddies" mostly becasue I can't stand my FSIL. If you can't stand her, how often do you really talk to her? avoiding talking wedding with her should be no problem I know this seems selfish but this is my day and my summer and I dont want to share it. You don't get a summer, neither does your FSIL, you both get a day, or a weekend if you plan extra stuff. She has as much right to get married as you do, and you don't get to 'call' a whole season. 
Posted by AmyL83[/QUOTE]

willywally5 · August 2012

Gah. If this has you peeved. you'd better fasten your seat belt because, especially if you don't like your FSIL, this is probably just the first of MANY things that are going to tick you off over the next few months.

You get one day. So does she. Get over it.

Habs2Hart · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-i-wrong-to-be-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f5ecfa43-ae94-4855-bb66-2f9cf4648325Post:dc45835b-b126-4918-b4ec-8b5fe021613a">am i wrong to be mad</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm getting married June 2013. I have been engaged for a while and we finally deceided on a date. I just found out a few weeks ago that my FI younger sister (21) just got engaged and wants to get married 2 month after we do. It really makes me mad and I think it's just rude. It's super frustrating because I want to be excited and share my ideas for the wedding but I am not interested in hearing what she is planning and I dont want to be stuck being "planning buddies" mostly becasue I can't stand my FSIL. I know this seems selfish but this is my day and my summer and I dont want to share it.
Posted by AmyL83[/QUOTE]

This is my favourite part. Read this part, over and over again and realise how selfish and childish you sound.

Cortney1982 · August 2012

Two months apart, you have no reason to to be mad! Some people on here have family take the weekend before their wedding or even the SAME DAY. Two months apart is more than reasonable, you can't expect others to put their life on hold for yours.

You do not have to be planning buddies. But things could work to your advantage if you work with her if you end up splitting the cost on basic items.

Fancypantsamy · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-i-wrong-to-be-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f5ecfa43-ae94-4855-bb66-2f9cf4648325Post:dc45835b-b126-4918-b4ec-8b5fe021613a">am i wrong to be mad</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm getting married June 2013. I have been engaged for a while and we finally deceided on a date. I just found out a few weeks ago that my FI younger sister (21) just got engaged and wants to get married 2 month after we do. It really makes me mad and I think it's just rude. It's super frustrating because I want to be excited and share my ideas for the wedding but I am not interested in hearing what she is planning and I dont want to be stuck being "planning buddies" mostly becasue I can't stand my FSIL. I know this seems selfish but this is my day and my summer and I dont want to share it.
Posted by AmyL83[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I'm surprised no one has brought this up, but I think this bride has a serious misunderstanding about what happens after the wedding - it ends, you go on your honeymoon, everyone else goes back to their normal life. You don't get a summer, you get a day. There are no post wedding parties, no you've been married a month celebrations- it's not like you'd be having showers on the same weekend. Your wedding will not extend into July and August. You don't get a summer. You really need to check yourself before you make this an issue with your future in-laws.</div>

lcatterton · August 2012

The way that I look at it is people are going to be pumped to be at your bridal shower, bachelorette party, and wedding (since they are all first) and by the time her stuff rolls around they'll probably be a little less than excited to redo everything over again for her.

She could have very easily picked the same day as you. So, I'd try not to freak out too much.. And CONGRATS! LESS THAN A YEAR!!!!

FormerlyAK · August 2012

My college roommate who I lived with for 3 years and we had the same circle of friends got married two weeks before me. I set my date first, but when she called her venue the only dates available were the one I had picked and two weeks before. It really didn't have any effect on my wedding. In fact, it gave me a chance to talk with some of the people who were at both weddings in a more relaxed way, because at my wedding I had to run around and do stuff and say hi to everyone. I got to dance and have fun with these people at the other wedding.

wrigleyville · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-i-wrong-to-be-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f5ecfa43-ae94-4855-bb66-2f9cf4648325Post:235f96a5-5d9d-47bc-9364-c0624b7dafdb">Re: am i wrong to be mad</a>:
[QUOTE]The way that I look at it is people are going to be pumped to be at your bridal shower, bachelorette party, and wedding (since they are all first) and by the time her stuff rolls around they'll probably be a little less than excited to redo everything over again for her. She could have very easily picked the same day as you. So, I'd try not to freak out too much.. :) And CONGRATS! LESS THAN A YEAR!!!!
Posted by lcatterton[/QUOTE]

First of all, wrong. I've been to a few showers/weddings in the past few months, and I enjoyed every single one of them. Second of all, it's not a contest. You're sort of pandering to the OP here.

OP - you are ridiculous. Even Will & Kate didn't have an entire season dedicated to them, and they're actual royalty. Nobody cares about your wedding as much as you and your FI do, and I guarantee your guests will be completely over it by the time you return from your honeymoon (especially if you act as entitled as you sound).

Minstrels aren't going to spend the summer singing praises about how gorgeous you looked in your gown. Birds are not going to alight upon the pick-ups in your dress while a fawn escorts you down the aisle. You will not win a Pulitzer Prize for your invitations, and your cake will not cure cancer.

Get over yourself.

sharp0099 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-i-wrong-to-be-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f5ecfa43-ae94-4855-bb66-2f9cf4648325Post:d474b173-731c-4970-8a64-93dfe5345637">Re: am i wrong to be mad</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: am i wrong to be mad : First of all, wrong. I've been to a few showers/weddings in the past few months, and I enjoyed every single one of them. Second of all, it's not a contest. You're sort of pandering to the OP here. OP - you are ridiculous. Even Will & Kate didn't have an entire season dedicated to them, and they're actual royalty. Nobody cares about your wedding as much as you and your FI do, and I guarantee your guests will be completely over it by the time you return from your honeymoon (especially if you act as entitled as you sound). Minstrels aren't going to spend the summer singing praises about how gorgeous you looked in your gown. Birds are not going to alight upon the pick-ups in your dress while a fawn escorts you down the aisle. You will not win a Pulitzer Prize for your invitations, and your cake will not cure cancer. Get over yourself.
Posted by wrigleyville[/QUOTE]

<a href="http://community.theknot.com/cs/ks/user/default.aspx?membershipid=9942515884034704&plckUserId=9942515884034704" target="_blank" class="username_knot">lcatterton</a> isn't wrong, it's her opinion that's different from yours. Some people are not crazy about going to showers. I think she was trying to put a positive spin on things since OP appears to be negative, immature, and definitely selfish.

KateH2013 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-i-wrong-to-be-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f5ecfa43-ae94-4855-bb66-2f9cf4648325Post:dc45835b-b126-4918-b4ec-8b5fe021613a">am i wrong to be mad</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm getting married June 2013. I have been engaged for a while and we finally deceided on a date. I just found out a few weeks ago that my FI younger sister (21) just got engaged and wants to get married 2 month after we do. It really makes me mad and I think it's just rude. It's super frustrating because I want to be excited and share my ideas for the wedding but I am not interested in hearing what she is planning and I dont want to be stuck being "planning buddies" mostly becasue I can't stand my FSIL. I know this seems selfish but this is my day and my summer and I dont want to share it.
Posted by AmyL83[/QUOTE]

Have you considered she doesn't want to hear what you're planning either? You're being pretty selfish. It's TWO months later. As PPs have said you get your day; she gets hers. My brother's wedding is 11 days before mine and I barely thought twice about it! Take a deep breath and get over it.

Nevtali · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-i-wrong-to-be-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f5ecfa43-ae94-4855-bb66-2f9cf4648325Post:d474b173-731c-4970-8a64-93dfe5345637">Re: am i wrong to be mad</a>:
[QUOTE] Minstrels aren't going to spend the summer singing praises about how gorgeous you looked in your gown. Birds are not going to alight upon the pick-ups in your dress while a fawn escorts you down the aisle. You will not win a Pulitzer Prize for your invitations, and your cake will not cure cancer. Get over yourself.
Posted by wrigleyville[/QUOTE]

I've been married four years, and the minstrels are STILL singing about how gorgeous I looked. It's getting little annoying, especially since they've started emphasizing the past tense and giving me sideways glances when I go out in my exercise clothes. Minstrels are experts at the backhanded compliment.

Peledreamsofrain · August 2012

Nobody real considers an entire summer 'theirs'. I call MUD.

KPelaccio2014 · August 2012

You only get one day. I would say to be upset if she was planning the wedding within a week or two of yours but it is 2 months after yours. I would just be excited for your day and that should be where your focus is. You don't have to be planning buddies with her or anything. Just do you!

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